I have heard of the moon.
It is a place where breath falls short in empty air,
Light both surrounds and ebbs away from you,
And your eyes reflect the brilliant glow of the sun,
Because you are one with the stars in a place humans
Cannot comprehend.
And who would not be curious, to see a place
That is shrouded in shadow, yet lit by the sun?
Veiled by mystery, yet illuminated by wonder?
A place with such enormous craters
That look like they could hold a writer’s imagination,
And answers enough to the questions
You have been asking all of your short life?
Yes, I wish to see the moon,
But for now, I only dream.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,736 Reviews
Hey, Viv here to do a review.
So, this is beautiful, always a fan of space and celestial objects. Your title is a great hook and your first line really emphasizes it and the story behind it. Nice enjambment , though I will say since you do that you might want to consider using lower case on the lines after a comma.
1. "Light both surrounds and ebbs away from you." I love this line and though I am not entirely sure, I think a comma belongs after ebbs.
2. "It is a place where breath falls short in empty air," the comma should be a semi-colon.
Overall, lovely poem. Great diction and imagery, it makes me feel as though I've never truly seen the moon and want to see what this person expects.
Keep writing,
Viv, Out.
Thanks for the review!
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
"It is a place where breath falls short in empty air,
Light both surrounds and ebbs away from you,
And your eyes reflect the brilliant glow of the sun,
Because you are one with the stars in a place humans
Cannot comprehend." Commas everywhere... There shouldn't be a comma after 'you and 'sun'.
From what I can see you don't have any more grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.