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125,022 Literary Works • 672,754 Reviews
i love this,you will for sure become a great writer if thats what you chose to become.
that's very sweet. thank you <3
what up my fellow wannabe writers. I really like the title, it perfectly reflects the poem and help gets across the message. The poem is blunt with your emotions and leaves little to be imagined, you struggle and pain, it reason with me and hopefully with many more. I am a big believer in the arts helping people express emotions and fight back against mental beasts.
well done.
best regards Giles
Hi, I hope you're having a great Review Day so far!
Gosh, this poem is incredible. Your use of language here is so incredibly visceral and fits the theme of this work perfectly. The allegories you use, about the dirt, and then about Adam, flow together and lift each other up.
Thes two lines actually made me shiver a little bit-
-and-
But I also loved how you tied things back together in the last couple lines. Your description of "sugar sap, ichor and marrow," and "wound ends and the garden begins," ties back to several different lines at once. And the final line-
[Better to feel the warmth of fresh blood than to feel nothing within you at all.[/quote]
-is the perfect capper.
I think this poem speaks not just to writers, not just to creatives, but to humanity as a whole. One fiction inspires another, and nothing exists in a vacuum. the flowers you weave "had to spring forth from somewhere," and Adam "recognizes his rib." The pain we experience is what gives way to art, and art gives meaning to our lives.
This is a spectacular poem. If I had to be pedantic, and offer one complaint, I would've liked one more "allegory" to complete the rule of three. (which is more of a compliment that I wanted to read more, haha!)
I really enjoyed reading this. Keep on writing, and have an amazing rest of your Review Day!
thank you <3 always a pleasure to make someone shiver with my writing haha
Hello friend! I have popped by to leave a review on this masterpiece. If not helpful, then at the very least I hope it makes your day just that bit nicer.
To start with, I must applaud you on your beautiful use of analogy. The metaphor of the garden – extended then to the Creation (which is a beautiful twist in and off itself, in particular with how elegantly one metaphor slips into the other via widely known concepts like the Garden of Eden) – helps explain an abstract form of creation (writing) with a physical creation (the germination and growth of new life). Plant metaphors are the best.
Second – the language. This is, absolutely genuinely, some of the best work of word art that I have encountered on this site and elsewhere. (I say word art because I forget the terminology… there is 100 percent a word for this somewhere). The word flow is impeccable, the reader experience is immersive, the structure feels natural and intuitive. This, combined with the beauty of your imagery, makes your work absolutely magnetic to me.
Some phrases I liked most of all:
“…and before the soil was gently patted down and watered someone had to/ravage it, turn it inside out so the rich smell of loam rose into the air/like it was beckoning the sky to cry.”
“…readers recognise writers, I think, like how Adam recognises his rib.”
“…and when I write my fingers stick together, grass stains and sugar sap/ichor and marrow, so that I can hardly tell where the wound ends and the garden begins.”
I could nitpick now and say something like “oh, I think the punctuation could use some work” or “oh, the flow could be improved” but first, I don’t feel like it, and second, any criticism I would give in that vein would be disingenuous. I love this, and at this moment in time, I cannot conjure up a way to improve it the beauty it holds.
I’ll let you know if I do, but for now, amazing job, writer. This made my day a little brighter.
Enjoy the rest of yours, and Happy New Year,
The blob.
oh wow. thank you so much for your very kind words! they mean the world to me <3