Young Writers Society

i love this,you will for sure become a great writer if thats what you chose to become.

what up my fellow wannabe writers. I really like the title, it perfectly reflects the poem and help gets across the message. The poem is blunt with your emotions and leaves little to be imagined, you struggle and pain, it reason with me and hopefully with many more. I am a big believer in the arts helping people express emotions and fight back against mental beasts.

well done.

best regards Giles

Hi, I hope you're having a great Review Day so far!

Gosh, this poem is incredible. Your use of language here is so incredibly visceral and fits the theme of this work perfectly. The allegories you use, about the dirt, and then about Adam, flow together and lift each other up.

Thes two lines actually made me shiver a little bit-

(S)omeone had to ravage it, turn it inside out so the rich smell of loam rose into the air

Adam thinks to himself that if God had not done it first, he would have tried.

Hello friend! I have popped by to leave a review on this masterpiece. If not helpful, then at the very least I hope it makes your day just that bit nicer.

To start with, I must applaud you on your beautiful use of analogy. The metaphor of the garden – extended then to the Creation (which is a beautiful twist in and off itself, in particular with how elegantly one metaphor slips into the other via widely known concepts like the Garden of Eden) – helps explain an abstract form of creation (writing) with a physical creation (the germination and growth of new life). Plant metaphors are the best.

Second – the language. This is, absolutely genuinely, some of the best work of word art that I have encountered on this site and elsewhere. (I say word art because I forget the terminology… there is 100 percent a word for this somewhere). The word flow is impeccable, the reader experience is immersive, the structure feels natural and intuitive. This, combined with the beauty of your imagery, makes your work absolutely magnetic to me.

Some phrases I liked most of all:
“…and before the soil was gently patted down and watered someone had to/ravage it, turn it inside out so the rich smell of loam rose into the air/like it was beckoning the sky to cry.”
“…readers recognise writers, I think, like how Adam recognises his rib.”
“…and when I write my fingers stick together, grass stains and sugar sap/ichor and marrow, so that I can hardly tell where the wound ends and the garden begins.”

I could nitpick now and say something like “oh, I think the punctuation could use some work” or “oh, the flow could be improved” but first, I don’t feel like it, and second, any criticism I would give in that vein would be disingenuous. I love this, and at this moment in time, I cannot conjure up a way to improve it the beauty it holds.

I’ll let you know if I do, but for now, amazing job, writer. This made my day a little brighter.

Enjoy the rest of yours, and Happy New Year,
The blob.