Fragrant Rose

This is a beautiful poem! These verses/stanzas are cleverly linked. The first one describes the start of human life. The rose symbolises the blooming of our character/personality. The hummingbird represents discovering, learning, trying, failing, trying again, and eventually, succeeding. That makes you human, which is all about "fighting, fearing, caring".

I'm not sure if that was what you intended. But, this is how I saw it. I felt that this poem held a deep meaning, and I enjoyed reading it.

Well done, and keep it up!

Hi Dear Wisegirl!!

This is Eros here to review your sweet poem!!

It is a sweet and cute poem. It is a poem which describes three beautiful things in the nature--Th first one is a rose with a sweer and pleasent smell, the second one is a beautiful hummingbird, the thir one is the wise human.

The qualities of all the three described in the poet are up to the mark. Still you can add up a more things like a peacock or a tiger etc,.

Rest, everything flowed fluently and it was a short sweet and a cute, little poem.

It was a nice work!
Keep writing!
We all love to read your work!

Someone commented that you abrupt changed from nature to the human world didn't seem to tie well together but I think your transition from plant, to animal, to human is a good one. it complete the whole circle of nature/life as it truly is.
I think the repeation in the poem is really good. It gave me the feeling that I imbodied each person/animal/plant, like their thought were mine which made me feel the poem more. the repetition gave the poem a light, easy yet strong tone.
I usually think that rhyme is overly used in alot of poetry but you only used a touch of it in the poem which I liked. The description of each aspect of nature you described were also really good.

O.k. so there was a really sweet refrain here, and only a couple of things I would change, nothing grammatical or anything like that.
Firstly you appear to have attempted partial enjambment, which personally I would not. In order to fully give your poem a minimalist style you would need to use no punctuation (which would be possible, as you have well spaced out and placed line breaks that aid rhythm to all extent necessary), or if this was not the style that you were aiming for then you need more punctuation, particularly at the end of some of the lines. I shall let you add or remove at your discretion.
The second thing for which I would offer minor criticism is the partial lack of suspense in the last verse. The effect of the repeated "I am" phrase is to subconsciously increase suspense, however, due to the fact that the last line is a partial repeat of the first this effect is lost and slightly works against you as a subconscious let-down. What I would suggest to remedy this is that you change "Human" in the first line of the last verse to "me". This would have the added boon of concentrating emphasis on the last point over the first two, and showing a resolution at the end of the piece.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hey It's Neverland here to review!!

I really like this poem. It's different and I really like the setting out, it look really nice. Even though this is simple you get the idea and I think you did a really good job of conveying everything here.

I really like this line:
"I'm a lively humming bird

Busybody, meddling, poking"

There's something about it that I love. Probably because I can relate to that. ^-^

I also like the use of repetition, it works really well.

As they say in the French 'Bon travail'

Good luck with your writing and I look forward to seeing more of your work in the Greenroom!

~Neverland. <3

Hello, wisegirl22. This is Margo here for a review.

This is a short and sweet window into who you are. I like how you spaced and indented the words 'I am' to give them a little bit more of a visual punch. I go for that word orientation jazz hardcore when it comes to poetry. The more you can dramatize something the better! There is also a nice pattern to your stanzas. You state a metaphor, you explain why in three descriptive words, you state "because that's just who I am" and then you repeat the words "I am" and then you repeat the metaphor.

There is a clear formula to this poem...but maybe too clear. I personally find this poem too simplistic. It would cater well to a young audience. Perhaps a 4-8 range. If this was your intention, then I think you have accomplished it well. I myself write poems intended for younger audiences. An older audience, however, may prefer a little more depth into who you are or perhaps a little less repetition. Perhaps you could only repeat "I am" for the last stanza. A cool idea would be to add a couple extra stanzas. Maybe have a stanza that describes the parts of you that are not positive and then have your last stanza state something like:
"I am human,
Emotional, irrational, caring
I live and I die
I am
I am
I am
Human"

Doing something like this would give your poem a bit of a different angle, so you would probably have to rework some of the other stanzas/ add stanzas to make it work.

This idea was just something to get your gears turning if you're interested in experimenting with this. It was a cute and personal poem. Thanks for sharing.

I like how your first two stanzas are tied in to nature and rather than using similes you said "you are..." using a metaphor which for me at least sometimes is hard to use. I think though that if you made a better tie between the "natural" you, meaning the "lively hummingbird" and the "fragrant rose", then the poem would flow. I guess just as my opinion it kind of ended abruptly. It was beautiful and catchy and the metaphor's of nature really caught my eye, and then you went to "a young writer", which I mean YOU ARE, but it sort of didn't really tie well. That's just my opinion. Other than that I thought it was great.

Hello there, wisegirl!

I like the repetition and formatting in this poem. Especially since formatting for poetry is so difficult on this site. The poem is very consistent the whole way through, so I applaud you on that. *applause* I also liked how you compared yourself to a rose and a hummingbird through metaphors in the first two stanzas. It's a very sweet poem, I think. It feels sort of humble to me, if that makes sense.

I wasn't, however, a huge fan of the last stanza. You suddenly switch from metaphors to being literal. It feels sort of off, like a sharp pull from beautiful nature scenes back to reality. It does add closure, though, so maybe you could make a nature metaphor for a writer. I'm sure you could figure something out.

Writing, writing, writing