for those who do not recognize the names they have been given.
the monster in the maze was born from a tumor,
what the doctors called an abnormality. a grudge
metastasized. it was not always in the maze,
but they called it ungrateful for refusing milk,
as milk was not what it needed, because a thing born from a tumor
does not grow but rather festers, does not feed but rather devours,
and it took the doctors only a little while to realize it wanted
blood.
that is where the maze began.
it needed pastures and blood. and kings only have
so much of each but what kings do have
is people, and that's when it became the monster in the maze,
when it began taking other mothers' children,
which is how it counted the time since the sky
had been turned into stone: fourteen bodies
make one year,
and another,
and each year after that it was forced to see.
but a monster in a maze may be a misnomer.
some say mazes only become such when they have something to hide.
others say that heroes need battles so perhaps
it was only when the boy came that it became a monster.
or perhaps it was when the blade ran through and death followed,
but monsters should not find their deaths a relief, so then it must have been
when the hero returned alive and tragic
and they needed a thing to make his tragedy alright:
at least there was a monster to vanquish.
yes, that must be it.
but when you ask the bearer of the tumor
she says he used to fit in my arms. and when you ask its sister she says he’s just
another who was left behind,
and when you ask the all-seeing stars, they respond they witnessed no monster
but only a child.
and the inventor?
through the bars of his cell he shows you his hands and says:
the monster is the blade of my chisel,
and the blocks of stone i cut, and the first brick i laid.
the monster is the maze, and above all,
it is the scar on my thumb that aches when i carve.
these names will outlive us, he says, as do all the things we make,
and all we can do is ask for the grace of time.
the ghosts of children are our reminders of sin, and all we can do
is ask the world to be forgiving.
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,754 Reviews
Hi erilea! Lim here with a review.
This is an interesting take on the minotaur. It seems to highlight how the ‘monster’ themself is deprived of choice in what he is known by or what name he is given. He doesn’t seem to have chosen to do monstrous actions, but were put in a situation where him feeding would be monstrous (i.e. eating children that others sent into the maze rather than eating a cow from a pasture, which is acceptable in human society). The ending of the poem is also interesting as it seems to end with a plea for “forgiveness” - not necessarily from the child but from the world in general. So maybe here forgiveness could also be asking for things to be easier, which maybe hints that the parents’ initial reaction was probably not knowing how to deal with a child that feeds on blood.
Something I like about your writing here is the scope. I like how you explored the topic from the doctors’ perspective, the king’s perspective, the mothers’ perspective, etc. and how you shifted between them. I like how that highlights the theme of ‘other people’ creating the narrative of the ‘monster’.
Something you might want to think about is the poetic voice. The first couple of stanzas feel more formal and ‘high’ literary, but some of the later lines made me feel like the speaker was using more modern and casual diction. For example:
It felt a bit like I was reading a different poem or there was a shift - but then the rest of the poem is still sticking to a more formal voice (“bearer of the tumor”, “the all-seeing stars”). I think a different way to phrase it would have kept the more formal voice, such as maybe ‘they needed to give meaning to his tragedy’?
The sister’s comment also stood out to me, because it’s the only time in the poem someone uses a contraction (“he’s”).
It depends on whether you’d like to have intentional switches to a more informal voice or if you’d prefer to keep it the same throughout c:
Another thing I liked about this poem is how you kept the motifs coherent. Even though you were exploring the idea from different perspectives, I didn’t feel like any part of the poem was tangential or went too far astray from the main subject, which made the message seem very clear. For instance, even off-to-the-side setting description is still very relevant to the central story:
This could have been just about the ‘monster’ counting the time with the children sent into the maze, but you also add a physical reminder of the maze (the roof is stone) and add some sadness for the ‘monster’ as well, as it implies it misses the sky (which ties in to this poem being the ‘monster’s’ tragedy more than anything else).
Overall, I thought this was an effective narrative poem with a modern take on Greek mythology (modern in that it questions assumptions and values built into older or traditional versions of the myth). I think if you’re planning to revise this, the main feedback I’d have would be to consider word choice and how that relates to the voice(s) you’d like to have in the poem, and whether or not you want to add, change or cut words based on the flow or formality.
Hope that helps - and keep writing!
-Lim
The author has a reflective tone, contemplating themselves and their creative journey, often looking back on the past with a sense of nostalgia and showing growth over time. Their writing carries a gentle humor and self-deprecation, making it feel relatable to readers. Cultural elements and works, from Greek mythology to K-pop and Percy Jackson, are woven into the author’s perspective.block blast
Woww it was very good the meaning is still layered in between many complexities but still it felt good
Hai :3
Ahh this is stunning!! It's like a a dark, twisting descent that reads like a myth. I’m absolutely hooked on the way you’ve woven the classic story of the Minotaur into something so introspective!! It doesn’t just tell a story; it unearths one, piece by piece, like chiseling away at stone. There's a perfect balance between violence and sorrow ~~ Like, that brutality comes like second nature, and it's so haunting!!
I am floored by this !!!
I think that transforming the monster into something biological is such a twist!! The ambiguity of who or what the real monster is keeps me on edge too. Is it the child? The maze? The inventor’s chisel? You leave just enough of a mystery for each of them, almost implicating the reader as they dig into the poem. I love that!! I always dislike when poems hand the readers the nuance behind the imagery, so this is a very welcome change!! It flows naturally in it too, which is great!!
The language is vividly sensory, and that’s one of your greatest strengths!! However, there’s a looseness to the progression that at times makes it difficult to track where the narrative is going. Each stanza almost reads as its own reflection, but the transitions are a bit ambiguous ~~ Like, we're moving from the maze’s origins to the Minotaur’s hunger, then to perspectives on the “monster" or whatnot. It's very thematic, but it doesn't exactly make for an easy read!!
Also, the creator!! Giving him a voice earlier on would make his final reflections feel more like the culmination of an internal struggle. As it stands right now, it doesn't feel like he is important to the narrative. He is though!!
!!! I have no words to describe what this made me feel!!
That line is a showstopper!! It grounds everything in a moment of personal revelation that echoes to everything. Like, it's touching every part of the story with something both tactile and hauntingly metaphysical. There’s so much here about what we create, what we can’t undo, and how history twists those creations into names and legends that outlive us. That's the real nail in the coffin though!! We ache to create even when it hurts us. What an incredible idea to write about like this!!
This poem feels like a lament and a confession all at once. It's complex and layered to the point I feel like I am missing something. Besides that, amazing work!! ^_^
- Payton
ooo minotaur