Everybody can experience
an uneasiness
somewhere deep inside their mind.
And no matter how hard they try to push it out of their tangle of thoughts,
they can't.
It's sometimes harder to know what's happening
than to have no clue.
Scratch that,
it's always harder.
But don't let that make you uneasy.
Even if you're dying inside
put on a brave face
cover up your emotions.
I know that someday
everyone can-
will-
go far.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,754 Reviews
Word have a very strong power i wish everyone felt, I enjoy your poems very much. Great job, please don't stop writing!
Heyo, I'm checking out all of my fellow teammates' works! Happy Review Day!
I like the feeling of inspiration you put into this poem. It may seem a little bland without effective describing words, but it is inspirational. I do wish you could add in a bit of imagery with some better adjectives rather than "harder" or "uneasy." It's good to have an extended vocabulary. Just grab yourself a thesaurus or use a digital one. I always use a thesaurus to replace my bland words with better ones that give the reader some imagery.
This is something that people would casually use in dialogue or conversation. Just take this out or take the few lines before out. It felt like you were trying to explain something, then failed, so you tried again. You can't do multiple attempts in a poem, it just makes is seem unprofessional.
This poem also needs some organization. Putting your poem into stanzas creates some organization and makes the poem look nicer and neater. It goes a long way, trust me.
This poem was nice, but it's just a little bland.
✖︎
Thanks for the review.
Hello! I'm Brunnera, here to review on your poem. I've always admired the poems that have been created on this site, and yours is no exception.
Bear in mind I'm not expert in poetry, and whatever opinion I give, you must take it simply as a reader's opinion instead of a professional's. Anyway, let's move on to technical errors first, eh?
" And no matter how hard they try to push it out of their [brain], "
I don't know, for you to use the word "brain" sounds awkward. I'd recommend changing that to "thoughts".
" It's sometimes harder to know [what's happening and wait for it]
than to have no clue [what's going to happen and wait for it.] "
When I read poems, I read them aloud, so that I can fully appreciate the author's hard work and creativity, and to identify lines that disrupt the smooth flow of a fine poem. You see, those two lines disturb the gentle flow of your poem, so I'd reconsider and change it. Perhaps, you should just remove "wait for it" completely, and alter it to something like this:
" It's sometimes harder to know what will happen,
than to have no clue at all. "
Remember it's just a suggestion. But I should highlight that you are advised to alter those two lines. They make the poem lose its power.
" Even if [your] dying inside "
Hmm, grammatical error? It should be "you're".
Okay, I guess that's all the nit-picks I have. Let's move on to my personal thoughts on the poem.
I enjoyed that this poem was encouraging and more of 'look on the bright side', which is kind of rare on YWS. I liked how it contained words of encouragement, something that puts motivation into a reader instead of sadness or depression like the other works.
You have a nice choice of words that really brought out the poem and was really straight to the point. It was a wonderful technique to be able to describe that 'hopeless feeling' at the beginning before ending it with encouraging words. The level that a reader can relate to your poem is high, so it makes your work utterly enjoyable and fun to read.
I've enjoyed your work. Thanks for a nice read!
~Brunnera
Thank you!
A lovely encouraging poem.
"Everybody can experience
an uneasiness
somewhere deep inside their mind.
And no matter how hard they try to push it out of their brain,
they can't. "
you have got your point right these days even kids have so many this nagging them, n it is so damn hard to even forget it for a second.
The best part in your poem is
" it's always harder.
But don't let that make you uneasy.
Even if your dying inside
put on a brave face
cover up your emotions.
I know that someday
everyone can-
will-
go far."
loved these line.. actually there r no errors to be spotted out.. well written
Thank you!