I am as tall as the trees
With bark for a face
And waving leaves as hair
Ancient, historical
I’ve been here for years, watching the world
Go by.
I am as strong as the rocks
With granite for ears
And obsidian for eyes
Unwavering, motionless
I’ve been here for years, watching the world
Go by.
I am as unique as myself
With a flourishing mind
And a large heart
Loving, growing
I’ve been here for years, watching the world
Go by.
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Canary word: Present
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
Hello again, Artemis28!
This is Moonwatcher here yet again with another Review Day review! ^-^
Okay so I see that you repeat this throughout the poem. Personally, I feel as if the repetition isn't really necessary. It's strong in the beginning, but it grows weaker as you repeat it. You have two descriptive adjectives above this line, all of them varying. Perhaps you can do the same with this line, and come up with something different rather than repeating yourself instead of giving the reader information they've already been told.
This poem lacks stanzas, which I think if added, could improve the flow of your poem and let the reader catch their breath a little more. I suggest adding a new stanza after each "I've been here for years, watching the world, go by." line.
I feel as if the last 1/3 of the poem was a little bit weaker than the rest of it. I suggest adding some stronger imagery, and more powerful emotions/words, as the ending isn't nearly as strong in my opinion.
That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope this review helped! Have a great day and keep on writing! ^-^
Hi!
I might be a little in love with this poem and all of its similes. This isn't going to be much of a review because I don't think you should change much. The only thing I would change is this line:(Dull to any comment that might come my way), it disrupts the flow of your short simple lines. Maybe change it around without the word dull, or take it out all the way if it's not needed to get the point along in the poem.
Thanks for the great read,
<3 Rascalover