Help Wanted

Hello CapitalMonday here to review. i would like to begin saying that i am shocked you were nine when you wrote this (I wrote these type of things when I was 12). Anyway, the tone of this poem can be asked by everyone who sees a "feed the poor" commercial and wonder why they didn't help when they see that people are dying. It makes me wonder, since I grew up with little money around my house also my parents making very little money; how could someone had of helped us out of debt and coldness from the inside? People gave us money, but that was to bills and food we needed. Sadly, by end of the month, our dog had died and we didn't have to money to bury it so we put it in the backyard.

Also how wise this poem is since, like i said, i was 12 when i wrote stuff like this and showed my mom who would maybe break down in tears.

But all-through-all, this poem is very great and amazing for a nine year old.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Wise beyond your years.

(Didn't even realize that was pretty obvious by your username)

But no, really. Psychology says that kids usually don't think this deeply until age 11 or 12 (I wrote a thing about this sort of deep thinking when I was 11, which was last year). You go, wisegirl.

Hey, yo, Wisegirl22! Strangelove here and I'm going to review this work. Now, I know you don't like "harsh" reviews, or reviews you state that are "harsh". This is going to be honest, not insulting you because I am a bad person. If I'm being "mean", well, okay.
Let me start off with the good stuff first. This poem has good intentions, which is a good and bad thing. It's great that it's an enlightening poem, not some sad poem like "you guys are bad people for not donating and such". There is a huge problem with this, but I'll get it into that. You flow is even, but very choppy.
To be honest, I don't quite agree with the message. Not to be nihilistic or anything, but its grasp is farther than our reach. Should I say you have too much hope? That's the case, yes. It seems very unrealistic, simple, and unreal. I hate to say it, but it failed to have any impact. You were very choppy, slight spelling errors, and start making us out like we're the bad guys.

Have a good day
(this was short, I know)

Hopefully this review is a bit more... Polite

I of course, loved it. It is an excellent way to inspire people to donate more to charities and the homeless. I kind of want to print out this poem and throw solid bricks of the poem at the "swag" crowd at my school. (You know the type of people I am talking about) But I did not like, however, the line where you said " I know I can't help them. " because that's not entirely true. I assume you are talking about starving African villages or foriegn (I could not have spelled that right) third world countries, Although, there are also tons of places to donate to them without even stepping foot outside your house. And if you aren't just talking about the foreihn places (I honestly don't know how to spell that word) then good. Most of the descriptions in your poem matched that of a homeless person, which are the easiest to help. I live in Portland (Which is the homeless capitol of the world) and see homeless people on a regular basis. What we don't stop to think about is that they need what we barely even want. All you have to do is give them a five and it will make their day, possibly their week! You were probably going to spend it on Starbucks anyway. Wow I just got really off focus.. sorry.

ANYWAY... That line threw me off because I was all inspired to help people, but I remembered that line and thought "Oh I guess I can't help them." And I am assuming you didn't make this poem to discourage charity and giving.

This also does an excellent job of projecting the sense of "You have everything you want and they have nothing they need" in all the sentences really. Thought that was a good job.

I am basically requoting what I have already said, so I'll end it here. But last thing, is on this line
" and a few gold coins to spare"
I don't know many people who have a few "Gold coins" to spare... May want to rephrase.

Hope I didn't get TOO TOO distracted, and thanks for this awesome poem *types really awesome ASCII thumbs up but I am too lazy*

Hi! This is Cat, here to review, as I promised!

First off: I totally LOVE the theme of this poem. Thanks for sticking up for those people who don't have what they deserve. *gives high-five of respect*

Second: beautiful ending. "You might not hear them, but they need you." I can't even...

(CAUTION, NITPICK ALERT FROM THIS POINT IN THE REVIEW ONWARDS! IT COULD GET EXTREMELY ANNOYING!!!)

Third: I feel like the descriptions of the people who "have" are kind of mild. I mean, some people have lamps and furniture and a coin in their pocket, but still aren't able to give much to help because they aren't too well off themselves. Maybe make the descriptions a little more serious. Like, "Why should you have a fat wallet of coins in your pocket/when they turn theirs inside out with nothing in them?"

Fourth: try rephrasing the "poor" in the second line as "lonely" or something. I absolutely love the other descriptions in this poem, but "poor" is a bit overused, generally.

Fifth: sorry, but the seventh line form the bottom drives me a bit mad.
"So the ones who don't have
-who can't have-"
would be better, at least for my strange little brain, which inadvertently turns it into "don't-have-can't-have".

Sixth: meh. I got no more nitpicks, this is just too brilliant. Great job!

~CuriosityCat

Hello there friend, Observerxd here for a quick review of your work. Keep in mind I am by no means "a critic" and all my reviews are based solely on my own opinions, so do take them with reserve.

So basically,
The topic of your poem is indeed somehing that needs to be look at more often. The question of equality between human beings, and how some of us were given everything from the day we were born, and some of us didn't share this luck and have almost intorelable life standards. Having said that- I have a few nitpicks about your vocabulary- which is pretty simple (which can be good I suppose- but I am a guy which likes more depth to it - I don't, by any means, say that it's your mistake- it's just my personal preference).

Your rhyming is nice and melodical, and you can almost hum it- which is great. I do however feel that it falls off a bit at the last two lines.

Overall It's a well-thought work which could use some tiny improvements. Well done, keep up the good work. CheersXD