It's Over

Hello, wisegirl22.

I can tell that this came from a place of very strong emotion. Obviously, it's filled with negative emotions towards someone. But who that is, I don't know.

This is about a relationship, yes, but what kind? It could be about anyone. A friend, a parent, someone the narrator had a crush on... I could even apply this to waiting in a dentist's office.

The subject of the poem is vague and needs definition. Instead of writing an angry letter to that person and breaking it up into lines, like you do here, try writing it about that person and what they did do with that time that they wasted.

Try bringing the poem into a concrete moment in time. Like I'm sitting here right now. I could write a poem about how my fiance and I are sitting next to each other on different computers and breathing the same stuffy summer evening air with notes of burnt perfume drifting out of his roommate's bedroom, and coexisting in relative silence, only the click of the keys to bind us. So what is a turning moment in the narrator's relationship with this other person? It's always more powerful in a poem when the reader can see, hear, smell, taste, and feel what is going on in the narrator's world. So show us what the narrator is feeling, don't just tell us.

Altogether, while I can feel the raw emotion coming from this piece, I think it needs a bit of an overhaul to make the reader really connect to it. I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!

I loved this!! It is so relatable to everyone; I feel like a lot of people have gone through some type of relationship with trust issues, whether it be a romantic one or even family. Writing about relatable ideas definetly helps connect with your audience.
My favorite part was the last two lines. They really ended the poem well with closure. They were harsh and bold and emphasized the fact the the narrator was done taking crap from their significant other. I loved it.
Please write more!!

Hey wisegirl22 :3 OMGhamsterdweeb here to give you a review of your poem ^.^

This is a nice piece. I can relate to it since I went through my first relationship just like this poem is describing. The part about waiting for trust can be relatable in various contexts, as it can relate to people who have went through trust issues with friends, partners or even family members.

I like the structure of the poem. It's rare for me to find a poem in which the structure is good, and you've managed to create a structure which I can read the poem well in, so thank you my friend B)

I quite like the part that goes "Keep waiting. And I obeyed." I can relate, as you do as the other says because you want to have them in your life because you love and care about them, even though it'll all in tears. Or just end full stop.

Overall, great poem ^_^ keep writing bro

Swagilicious huggles, OMGhamsterdweeb

Hello!! Bam here for a review!
I really like this. Its interesting and It kinda speaks for its self. Talks about what a girl or guy is going through with their partner. about what they should do next. I love how you wrote this, its beautiful. Might even give others inspiration. Only thing i would change is putting this under realistic. Keep writing!! looking forward for your next peace!

This is pretty good, for a poem with little background information on these two characters, although this theme is cliché.

I think that for the second to last line, instead of a colon, you could just put a period. But I guess it's just a preference thing.

But the thing where you said "There was going to be a time When I could trust you" does that mean that they were never together? That is the only confusing thing to me.

Otherwise, good job.