Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Historical Fiction


The Deep South

by erilea


Down in the deep South

I was born

Kicking, crying

I was a little bundle of energy

Then we moved

Still in the deep South

I roamed

Hot sweaty summer days

And cool long autumn nights

Some years it snowed

Some it didn't

We stayed in the land

Of cotton

And ancient plantations

Battlegrounds of wars and 

Homes of treaties

History came to life in the South

Like hidden treasure

So valuable

I thought that it was just people talking about it

But the rich history of the South--

Like the soil slaves worked so many years ago--

Was dug up, one day,

In the middle of a classroom

And I couldn't get enough of it

And since then

I've loved my home

In the deep

Deep

South.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Donate
Thu Jul 30, 2015 7:20 am
View Likes
Oviodiete says...



Amazing and enthralling.
Such a beautiful poem and write up. Keep it up.




erilea says...


Thanks for the praise!



User avatar
305 Reviews


Points: 831
Reviews: 305

Donate
Wed Jul 29, 2015 11:49 pm
speakerskat wrote a review...



Hello there, Kat here to write a review for you !

Originally from a nice little town in Georgia , I totally get you . Where I live now is very historical too , but not in the same way . Something about the way people are in the south , how they cook , what they say , and what exactly happened all those years ago ...

Anyways , I really loved this poem and congrats on literary spotlight ! It's really wonderful to see something like this ... I might be the only person who though of a log cabin , green grass , an old cannon , a rocking chair , and really great country fried steak ! But that's okay, I enjoyed it anyways .

~Kat




erilea says...


Thanks a lot!



User avatar
272 Reviews


Points: 3455
Reviews: 272

Donate
Tue Jul 28, 2015 7:12 pm
View Likes
cleverclogs wrote a review...



Hey there, wisegirl22! cleverclogs here to review! (Hey, that rhymes! :P)

I live in the South, too. I'm not sure if NC is considered "deep", but I consider it to be South enough to relate to this poem. Especially these lines.

Hot sweaty summer days

And cool long autumn nights

Some years it snowed

Some it didn't


This perfectly describes what the climate here is like. Hot summers, cool winters, sporadic snow. Check, check, check. It almost made me feel homesick, even though I'm still living here. I think it has something to do with the wistful tone of this poem. *dramatic sigh*

Despite not really considering myself a Southerner (the food is good, though), I was still able to feel the sense of love and pride in this poem. The poem takes on a tone that evokes images of my home and really makes me feel something. I think that anyone who feels a sense of pride in their homeland will be able to relate to this, even if their homeland isn't in the South.

History came to life in the South

Like hidden treasure

So valuable


I wasn't a huge fan of these lines. The first line sounds nice, but it doesn't really mean anything, and the second lines feel a little tacked-on. I'd recommend changing them.

Then we moved

Still in the deep South


These lines were a little unnecessary. Why mention moving if you still ended up in the South? They didn't really affect the poem in any way, so I'd recommend removing them, and maybe replacing them with some more of that awesome imagery.

But the rich history of the South--

Like the soil slaves worked so many years ago--

Was dug up, one day,

In the middle of a classroom


I love the connection between the soil and the history of the South. It's a great bit of poetic language to say that the history was "dug up".

And I couldn't get enough of it

And since then

I've loved my home

In the deep

Deep

South.


Here, I find myself wondering what it was about that history that made the narrator love the South. I mean, the South does have a lot of rich and interesting history, but I'm not sure what in particular would make the narrator suddenly love the South. I don't claim to be an expert in history, but it seems that the South's record of racism would be a major blemish. I'm not saying that it's wrong for the narrator to love the South, but it would be nice to have some insight as to what it was about the history that would make her love it. Sorry for that jumbled mess of a paragraph; that thought was very difficult to put into words.

Overall, I loved the image that this evoked, and I loved the emotion that was put into it. It could use a bit of touching up, but I'm sure you can fix that. Keep up the great work! :)




erilea says...


I love the South. I used to like it, I guess, but I learned about the Swamp Fox (AKA someone who fought in the war that was in the South) and the Civil War and every little battle that was fought down here...it was just like I uncovered a part of the land I was living on. To be honest, I kind of did.




"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy..."
— Unnamed Girl from "Mean Girls"