I have achieved the impossible task
of breaking through your rock walls
which you used to stop anyone
from seeing the broken, fragmented person inside.
I have achieved the impossible task
of softening your hard gaze on the lesser people
until it was no more than a welcoming bed
for everyone's pleads of sympathy.
I have achieved the impossible task
of allowing you to feel
every feeling others place upon you
in hope of having a person who understands.
I have achieved the impossible task
of making you a better person,
a person who stands out more
than others.
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hi, this is Kman134, and I'm here to review your work.
First off, this poem was somewhat interesting; i love the use of symbolisms inside of it.
"I have achieved the impossible task
of breaking through your rock walls
which you used to stop anyone
from seeing the broken, fragmented person inside."
This is the part that fascinated me; this part implies about a person pushing his/her way through to get inside another person; however, the last part was somewhat harsh, calling him "fragmented" and "Broken", usually, to get inside a person would mean you want to understand them, so you can help them.
All in all, it was a pretty good poem; however, i had trouble understanding the message you were trying to send. i wish you the best of luck and hope you continue with your works.
Thanks, Kman!
Hallow!
This poem kinda interested me, and felt like I could write something meaningful about~
Interesting - it seemingly implies that the person the poem is about put a lot of effort into getting to the inside of the other person. On the other hand, when someone tries to do something like that, it's usually to help that person - seemed kind of harsh to call that person 'broken' and 'fragmented'.
In general, I didn't quite get what you were trying to get across with this poem, while written fairly well, is this about how good you as a person are, or how 'broken' the other person was? For lack of being able to put it in a better way (since my English is bad), it was like the person this poem is about is bragging about how he managed to change this broken person into something... less broken. More understanding. With more sympathy.
In retrospect, that might have very well been the goal of this little poem, in which case the very premise of the poem would be rather funny :')
Made me think more than I thought it would have. All about interpretation I guess. Well done.
Thank you so much for reviewing! I really enjoy people who review my works...it means I am something on this site.
That's the community here ;3
Spread tha love yourself ^_^
Can you please like it? Many people seem to be fond of my poem, but no one is liking it.
I love love love love this!!!
Yeah, I do too. Strangely. I was dancing around my kitchen when I was just like, this'll make a great poem! and I typed it up and yeah.
I actually love this short, to the point, piece of poetry. I like that you share that you kind of crack this outer shell of hardness to show that, even a person who is tough to figure out, is deep down emotional, just like everyone else. I especially love the first and last stanza, ( I think that's what it's called ) but sadly, I might be getting your task at hand here, but I thought this was kind of like you fighting this shell that they keep themselves locked up in, but I didn't really understand about the lines about, "softening your hard gaze on the lesser people" had to do with this persons breaking out story. That was the only thing that i didn't love! Anyways this was amazing~
Thank you for your praise! This poem is mainly about making this person a better participant in life. I'm really enjoying looking at all the praise!
Hello there!
I must say that this piece of short poetry is awesome!
When I finished reading this for the first time I noticed that you're nine years old, which shocked me because I also noticed that you've posted a lot of other well written works that you've created. Your so young and have a noticeable talent, and I'm vary impressed!
I see nothing wrong with this piece.
like I've said before on other peoples works, I like short and to the point poetry, and that's what you've done here. I have to give this a 7 out of 10! =D
Keep on writing, and thanks for posting this, it's really well done!
Thank you, I noticed a lot of people like it! Well, if you do, can you please hit Like? It would mean a lot to me.
Oh yes I shall do just that! =D
I forgot to hit the like button.
Oh, yesh. A lot of people are forgetting.
Wow, this was really great. I really liked the part about the "broken, fragmented person inside," followed by the "softening your hard gaze on the lesser people." It so clearly shows how people who seem hard and unemotional on the outside often hurt inside, and how sometimes you really have to work at it to get through to the problem.
I'm not very good at reviewing poetry, so I'll just say a couple things and then be off.
1.
I'm not sure what you mean in these couple of lines. Are you saying that you helped the person feel the emotions of others when they came to the person looking for understanding? It's a bit confusing.
...Actually, I really think that's it. I can't think of anything else. I really liked this. Good job!
I meant I helped the person feel the feelings of others when they came to the person. Thanks so much!
No problem!
Can you please hit Like?
I thought I did...*checks* Yeah, I did. Can you not see it or something?
Oh...oops.