i will never again see your eyes open.
i won't be able to see your smiles, how you grin when
you see me
i will not glimpse your gentle hands splayed on the table
as you talk to me
i won't know your face anymore. you will soon be a memory
that i held close to prevent it from slipping away
but it escaped anyway
no, i will never be able to see your mouth form the words
i've been missing you,
letting them fall off your lips.
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139,807 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Hey there, Lupa! Shey here for a review!
I have to say, this was a great poem. I'm gonna come across as harsh and picky, but keep in mind I really liked this poem a lot.
My first comment is the lack of formatting. Even just stanzas go a long way, and I think this poem would really work well with more formatting. For instance, the italicized phrases would look great on the right instead of on the left. Just an example.
Here's the harsh part. I didn't really feel much emotion while reading this. I can't specifically say why, but I just didn't feel sad or anything. Perhaps it's because it was vague. Without giving much background info on what's going on, I can't feel what you want me to feel, or at least what I'm assuming you want me to feel. My suggestion to fix this in future works is to give detail. Its always better to give too much info than too little.
Overall, great poem! Keep up the great work, and I apologize if I can across as harsh. I look forward to seeing more from you!
-Shey
Thanks for the review!
Wow... i really empathize with this piece. It is truly emotion inducing, and i'll be honest, i almost cried. I would love to leave you a review, but this is so beautiful i don't think i have anything to contribute.
Wonderful work my friend :3
~Ayma~
wow that's a really touching piece - soft and meaningful.......so good.
I really like this. It speaks to me on many different levels. The italics give a clear picture of a background, and you should expand this further.
I really like your poem. I like the description of missing someone and your format. The italicized words provide meaning and background. Now, I think you could improve on the imagery. Try to paint a clearer picture of who your character is missing. Also, I think your poem should be longer to create more depth. It's great, though. You are very talented. Keep writing.