Young Writers Society

Hello there, Artemis28!
This is Moonwatcher here to review your poem! ^^

I have a passion for all things astronomy, hence my username, so this poem caught my eye, and I'll try to review this the best that I can.

But all that glitters is not gold,

This is something I've seen a few times before, which got me curious. Upon further inspection, I found that it is a proverb. Now, sometimes borrowing something from somewhere else is okay, but maybe you could tweak it a little bit so it sounds more like your own, to be original, and avoid using something cliche as such.

If only I had the whole sun to help,

I'd feel much better.

The part "whole sun" is a complex expression, but it's fine because you're comparing it to a piece of the sun. Meanwhile "much better" is a redundant expression, so the "much" part can be taken out. Then you can take advantage of the fact that the poem isn't structured and maybe explain in more detail /how/ you would feel better.

I'll bury it in myself and carry its sadness with me.

Since the sadness is the moon's, *it's would be a possessive noun.

And maybe the moon will start breathing

Again.

This actually reminds me of another proverb, "Tell me the story about how the sun loved the moon so much he died every night just to let her breathe.” In contrast with the previous proverb, however, this isn't as similar and might not even be intentional. It's just something fun that I wanted to point out, since I actually wrote a poem based on that line myself once.

The romanticizing of a celestial object is something that I've seen before several times, and the only thing that distinguishes them is the use of unique imagery/structure. This poem did a good job of distinguishing itself from other poetry with a similar thing, but you should proofread your poem. If you see anything bland, boring, or you've seen before, try to fix it with something more unique.

I quite liked this poem. I hope my review helped you out, and have a great day!