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mid-autumn

by erilea


on the day when the moon appeared closest to the sun
i thought of forces that never meet
and yet appear to.
i lay in a shorn-clean field
as the fog curtained around me,
afraid to smother me in mist.
i felt the press of dew into my back
and longed for you.

did you, too, look at how the moon appeared closest to the sun
and feel your heart shudder alive?
tell me all about the cosmic forces pulling us together–come on,
indulge me.
you’ve never done it before.
haven’t you ever flirted with the idea
of leaning over the fence, sticking your neck
out of the window? it takes a great deal of bravery
to succumb to gravity,
to fall as leaves do, with no promises of being heard,
just a last gasp beneath the clumsy footfalls
of a being larger than it could ever
understand.

they say that today the moon appears closest to the sun but
what does “close” mean to you
anymore?
to me it is a definition of a boundary.
i have seen you laugh and i have never witnessed you cry.
i have never made you cry, at least i think,
but sometimes i wish i had, because tears always blur
those neat
little
lines.
as forces that never meet and yet appear to, is this our closest yet,
ever will be, never again?
i can’t allow it to happen. let those rules of the universe
dissolve just as light filters between the treetops. to see you laugh, cry, love,
i would wait another crawling year, and another,
and another,
all for the days where

the moon appears closest to the sun,
which they call mid-autumn even when it feels
like the beginning, and also the end,
like an inevitable meeting, and an unspoken promise
to depart.
i don’t want things to be so final.
i don’t want these words to be so straightforward,
but it seems i can’t help it, the nature of a perpetual cycle
is that words don’t die, they simply sink back into your chest
until they can erupt again at the first bell tones of spring–
but for now
it is mid-autumn

and the day when the moon appears closest to the sun.
if you close your eyes the glow underneath your eyelids is almost the same
but the chill will still seep into your marrow.
sometimes i think i would know you blindfolded
because i’ve spent years marking out how we are exactly the same.
sometimes i realize again that you’re a stranger,
after all, you are the contradiction of a sunrise at dusk
and a glow without warmth, and so
i will say to you the words that you deserve:
i love you.
i hate you.
it is mid-autumn, and still, i have not yet learned you
the way i wish i could.


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Sun Sep 25, 2022 6:42 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



The narrator wants true, honest love, which means telling their partner when they are in the wrong and sometimes feeling hatred for them. But everything is hidden under smiles and laughs. Everything looks and feels like a dream, but is a dream enough? Were the sun and moon meant to be apart, always and forever? Loves only meet during mid-autumn? Always, always in the middle. Never quite continues on. I wish you a hopeful day/night.




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Sat Sep 24, 2022 1:44 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed this poem a lot. Like other commenters have said, it feels very genuine, and you capture the complex relationship between the speaker and the one they're speaking to very nicely. Each line feels very carefully thought-out to me. To me, this poem seems to be about two people who are maybe opposites but meet in the middle somewhere sometimes— it feels like something that's almost on-again, off-again. There were so many words relating to medium/middle things as well, which was a neat thing to weave throughout. Overall, it felt very contrary and conflicted, but with a certain dedication to it that made it seem like the speaker acknowledges those complex feelings and isn't necessarily content with them, but lets them exist.

One thing I liked a lot about this poem was the repeating motifs throughout. That whole repeating image of the moon appearing closest to the sun was delightful—as someone who really loves patterns in poetry, I liked the fact that you chose to start each stanza with a variation of the phrase. The use of opposites overall throughout was delightful as well, especially with times of the year/day—I loved each and every mention of the moon & sun, sunrise & dusk, spring & autumn, etc. It made it feel quite crisp which was almost juxtaposed with the colloquial and questioning nature of the speaker, which I enjoyed a lot.

Specifics

haven’t you ever flirted with the idea
of leaning over the fence, sticking your neck
out of the window? it takes a great deal of bravery
to succumb to gravity,
to fall as leaves do, with no promises of being heard,
just a last gasp beneath the clumsy footfalls
of a being larger than it could ever
understand.


THIS. I loved this. The use of line breaks gave this stanza a super distinct feel—I adored how you put a question mark in the middle of a line. "Last" and "gasp" have some neat assonance going on. I like the connection of leaves falling to the title of the poem as well. This section might be my favorite in the poem, though the last stanza is also quite stupendous.

but the chill will still seep into your marrow.


I loved the soundplay here with "chill will still"—it was a super neat feature.

Overall: nice work! I think you used opposites and a really raw tone within the poem to craft a work that's so genuine, touching, and poignant. I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!




erilea says...


thank you very much for all of your kind words <3



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Sun Sep 18, 2022 7:49 pm
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Seirre says...



I won't lie, originally when I clicked onto this poem I was feeling lazy and was a bit put off by how long it was. I expected it to be a slow read, but oh my goodness was I wrong!

I was totally gripped by the voice of the narrator and the genuineness of the theme. You've perfectly put into words a feeling I've had such a hard time deciphering in my own life, and honestly I'm just staring at the screen in amazement right now. It's a very specific feeling, to have known someone for ages like the back of your hand and loving them to the moon and back - but then on the flip side sometimes it feels like you've got everything about them wrong and you hate their guts. You capture the complexity of that so eloquently!

Sometimes when poems are addressed to the reader/to a "you", it can come across as a bit contrived or like it's not actually a genuine message to that person, since it's been filtered for the sake of the reader. But this does not feel like that at all. Lines like

tell me all about the cosmic forces pulling us together–come on,
indulge me.

and
i have never made you cry, at least i think,

feel inherently personal and raw.

I might come back to give you a full fledged review later, but for now I just wanted to say that I love this poem to bits <3




erilea says...


thank you so much you don't know how much this means to me <3333333



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Fri Sep 16, 2022 10:30 pm
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Liminality says...



A really lovely and haunting poem. My favourite lines were:

words don’t die, they simply sink back into your chest
until they can erupt again at the first bell tones of spring–


It felt insightful! And also goes well together with this motif of repetition and cycles that the piece has overall.

The imagery also feels really organic, blending together more 'traditional' nature images like the seasons and trees with other threads of imagery, like ones about the cosmos and "gravity". Great work!




erilea says...


thank you so much! <333




I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory