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140,166 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
the heat of a hundred suns shining on your face.
It's the pressure of a thousand tons against your heart,
It tells you to rise higher than the clouds,
Just a bit longer, you tell yourself.
Just a bit harder.
If I try again, maybe I'll get it right this time.
I found these lines in particular, cliche.
Remember "in your head" is a phrase that could also be considered cliche depending on preference.
Echoing quietly, the sound pulsing against your skin
the phrase "the sounds" in this line seems repetitive and totally unnecessary with the line above it.
I would firstly try to improve this piece by adding more perspective on a personal level with being a ballerina. "The curse of the ballerina." should be the name, and not the finishing line. This is MY preference though and you should go with your gut. The songs from long ago, to me, needed the prompt to answer the question of what are the songs, and why do they make you feel this way? i don't believe you 'touched base' on that well enough. A bunch of writing becomes unclear when the writer over speculates the reader in the understanding of your meanings due to personal phrases and memories unknown to everyone. I hope I helped
Sincerely hero