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Young Writers Society



What have they done for you?

by LadySpark


So, I was thinking about how everyone seems to complain about their characters at one point or another. And this poem sprung up in my mind, fully formed. 

What Have They Done For You?

The blood is on your hands now,
the ink is in your tears.
You’ve poured your heart into this pit of despair,
and for what?
What have these mirror images of people done for you,
besides sit in your head and speak to you?
The insane whispers in the dead of night,
making you slip into dreams of worlds,
much too bright. Much too sterile.

What have these creatures done for you,
besides take your heart and tear it to shreds?
People tell you they’re just puppets, and that’s all.
But they’re not. They’re people with thoughts and feelings,
living in your head.
And sometimes under your bed.

Collecting the dust of knowledge,
learning how to get to you.
Learning why and how, you do the things you do.

But when people suggest that you throw them away,
you look at them like they’ve suggested cutting off one of your limbs.
These beings are a part of you, living on in your dreams.

But I still want to know, what have these beasts done for you?

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Fri Feb 08, 2013 12:56 pm
PenguinAttack wrote a review...



Hahah, Sparkleponii!

What even is this, why didn't I know you had posted this funny little thing! I love how you use the typical laments of the author against them. Whinging about their characters and those beasties trying to tug on the heart strings. Particularly I love the idea of the cutting off the limbs, because that is definitely how people react when you say they should just kill a character off! ;)

I do think this needs some tightening up - are you getting used to my references now? xD By which I mean that you are a bit wordy and the images and lines are spread over the space and it makes it less forceful, with less impact than I think you deserve to have. The poem is a solid one and other people really should be reading this - I hope my review puts more attention on it in the forums because it's cute and a little funny.

The blood is on your hands now,
the ink is in your tears.


This bit in particular is absolutely wonderful, as a beginning because it's truuue. Stop killing your characters, you silly prose writers! But I think that you often lose the thread of what you're saying along the way, you've gotten distracted by how funny you're being and paying less attention to writing some solid poetry. The under your bed is a perfect line but I don't like the thoughts and feelings, it's too telling. That's it! Bunches of your poem are too telling and they rub up against the genuinely excellent lines. Remove anything that states too directly and see if you can't live without them (I think you probably can). I like the accusing tone much better than the "oh they're part of you" lines, they're smooth and funny and just a bit cutting, the last line works well for that.

Thanks so much for writing this! Hit me up and all that jazz if you want and tell me if you change this at all!

~ Pen.




LadySpark says...


<3 Penguinni




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