after the storm

Hello Lupa, I m Kostia and I will be reviewing your poem.

I' m fairly new to the site and I m not familiar with the poetic line generator but I will check it out for sure.

Now to your poem. The first stanza has a dark tone and the wording is beautifully put, that way it inspires interest to the reader. I especially liked the last verse:

"haunting the place they called home."

The second stanza is more personal and gives another dimension to this poem since the first stanza made it look more general in the second stanza you add something more into it and you express the need of another. However I m a little confused here.

"i am among them, you know,

and i wonder if you are coming back.

your name echoes through the streets

and leave me with an emptiness i can't push away"

Does this mean that those "ghosts" are people who have lost someone?

In addition to that I really liked the way you separated the stanzas. The ones that are lined to the right are more personal and the ones that are lined to the left more descriptive, I liked what you did there.

The third stanza even though it is nicely structured (I especially liked "shells of former lives, remnants of who they were before") confused me. I kind of lost you there it's like you are in between meanings and you don't know in which you want to focus on. Generally there are two strong elements on this poem which is the descriptive and the personal which I found brilliant since there are very few poems that can successfully combine the two. You made a good attempt to do so but my opinion is you are not quite there yet. I feel that you failed to make a conclusion out of those two.

You kind of lost me from the third stanza. The fourth stanza is a cry of desperation since you can't find the one you once loved. It is nicely put. However the second stanza inspired the same feeling and I would expect something different in this one. Maybe some imagery? Or some more in depth information about the person you have lost? I don't know that's really up to you and the meaning you want to accomplish but I would recommend to change the entire fourth stanza so it doesn't feel like you repeat yourself and in order to fit better with the third stanza.

Your final stanza was quite strong and it would have been a wonderful way to close up your poem if you previously had a few more stanza so to bind the whole thing together. I feel like you could have added more to it, to be more concise.

I liked the poem but I think it needs more work and it could have been a bit bigger to accomplish a better understanding of what you wanted to say through the symbolism.

I d love to see the edited version.

Make sure to keep writing!

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So I'm a fan of the Poetic Line Generator here on the site, because it can definitely give some ideas for some quality poems. With that, let's delve right in to your poem. The first line here is one that I found to be a little odd in its wording, and I'm going to suggest that you play around with the phrasing there for a stronger effect. What are these shapes of death turning from? Or are they turning into something? Is it because there were fatalities during the storm? I'd like some clarification there.

The next three lines are a stronger set-up, I've found, since while it is metaphorical, it's also more direct and clear as to what it means. These 'ghosts' seem to be people who are helping out and trying to find their family or other people they know in the wreckage. At least, that's how I've interpreted that.

I understand the tone and atmosphere that you're attempting to reach here, and to an extent, you accomplish this. We get to see a look from the outside on what it's like being affected by a natural disaster. And to an extent, that works as the main theme of the poem. We're left without something personal, though, and that's what I believe causes this disconnect between the reader and the poem.

At least, I felt that. There's not a defined speaker, which is fine, and it doesn't have to be personal. Just know that it's harder to relate because there isn't a direct death and instead we get that disconnect that's felt when a storm goes through and destroys. That feeling of helplessness--which is something I think you could put more emphasis on for effect to make this poem stronger than it is now. Overall solid poem that could use a bit of polishing!

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I hope I helped and have a great day.