Porcelain Doll

Hello I'm here to review your poem
So, let me start with, I absolutely love this poem. It is the epitome of something/one toxic, something/one you don't need. You describe all the emotions so perfectly.
now let me actually critique.
Like one of the last few reviews, I don't think sick needs to be "s i c k". I get that you wanted emphasis on that specific emotion but for some reason I can't exactly take that seriously? sorry if that sounds rude, but personally it seems a little childish?
otherwise I didn't see any other problems. I did really love this poem. the imagery was spot on and I loved it.
have an Amazing day!!
>Adrian

Hi! I thought I'd take a look at this - I'll make comments as I read through and then try to give more general advice at the end.

Specifics

1. I don't think s i c k needs to be spaced out like that. It's not a strong enough word to want to draw lots of attention to it and the spacing itself doesn't create any particular image or affect. If you did that with the word broken it might work better as having the letters split apart kind of looks like something broken. It would still be a bit gimmicky though and you have to be careful with that.

2. I'm not sure the image of 'cut me up' fits here. Porcelain dolls are not generally broken on purpose so maybe that's the metaphor which doesn't fit if you want this to be someone purposefully harming another? If you had 'drop me' instead, that would work better as that's usually how porcelain dolls get broken.

3.

I sit with a painted smile, but it doesn't reach my glass eyes.

You can't see the cracks from far away,

but you did a good job gluing me back together.

This poem perfectly describes a toxic relationship, being hurt, them apologizing, and then the cycle repeats itself. It also describes perfectly how people can hide their problems from others. This poem shows how hard it is to be in a toxic relationship with a person who refuses to change their ways and better themselves for both parties.

Hi Lupa, I like the direction you took in this poem.

I think unfortunately a lot of people can relate to the emotions and ideas expressed of being in relationship or friendship with people who are inconsiderate. I interpreted the poem to be from the perspective of a speaker who feels used in their relationship (friendship, family, love etc) and feels like the other person doesn't see or appreciate their worth. They are caught in a cycle where the other person just keeps breaking them down and then trying to repair the damage with apology. In the last stanza we see what effect that is having as the speaker as they describe the loss of joy and the plead to be treated as a "vase full of dreams" -- like a person -- rather than a "porcelain doll".

The ideas and metaphor are solid in this piece and some of the imagery is nice too. I think there are a few areas with opportunity for improvement of course. Namely I thought the flow struggled a bit in this piece. A quick way to assist the flow and look of the poem is to try to make the line lengths more even. If the line lengths are standardized often this ends up putting the syllables at a more even count which ends up helping the flow of the poem too.

Also I'm not sure if this poem needed to be divided into stanzas because there wasn't really a clear transition in the second stanza. The story doesn't move to a different point, the speaker doesn't really change at that point, so it looks like the poem was just cut in half.

Lastly, I think there are stronger title options for this piece that may better communicate the tension between fragility and value than "Made in China" which feels more like a pun than the tone and theme of this piece.

Overall, I most enjoyed that you painted a story in this piece and gave the reader a speaker that we could feel sympathetic for. I felt upset for the speaker and felt like I could emotionally connect to the piece and was interested in the drama of the poem. Really nice work here Lupa!

Good luck in your future writing,

~alliyha