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We Once Ruled

by erilea


We are the four presidents:

Carved into stone,

Unmovable,

Intricate faces staring at nothing,

Stationary grey eyes forever fixed on the sky.

We are the four presidents:

Standing strong against nature,

Unmovable,

Holding firm against weathering

Fighting erosion with the mountain that is our home.

We are the four presidents:

Thinking thoughts unknown to anyone else,

Unmovable,

With opinions hard as rock and decisions that would need earthquakes

To change them.

We are the four presidents:

Forever staring out into America,

Carved into the country we once ruled.


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624 Reviews


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Reviews: 624

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Tue Nov 15, 2016 12:07 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Artemis28! This is Casanova here for a review!

Anyway, the first thing I'd like to say is that I liked the subject of this poem!

Now, the first thing I noticed that I didn't like was the repetition of,"Unmovable." Now, repetition can sometimes be a good thing- but you're pounding it into our heads that this thing is made of rock and isn't going anywhere through imagery and things. So, we get it. The repetition, at least to me, is getting sort of dull. It narrows the point, and makes it boring so-to-speak. You could do without the last two, having one in there doesn't hurt it too bad.

The next thing I noticed was if you're going to keep repetition- try to make it consistent. In the first three repeating parts of,"We are the four presidents:" you use,"Unmovable." But not in the fourth one. Why the change?

In my opinion you could get rid of the repeating parts and have something still good, you know. An example of this would be-

We are the four presidents:

Carved into stone,

Unmovable,

Intricate faces staring at nothing,

Stationary grey eyes forever fixed on the sky.


Standing strong against nature,


Holding firm against weathering

Fighting erosion with the mountain that is our home.


Thinking thoughts unknown to anyone else,


With opinions hard as rock and decisions that would need earthquakes

To change them.


Forever staring out into America,

Carved into the country we once ruled.


I think that is much better than the repeating pieces. Only because repeating something(at least time after time in writing) dulls it out, wouldn't you say?

I like where you say the opinions are hard as rocks. Puns are AMAZING and I don't care if it's a terrible one OMG I love it.. Sorry, praise isn't my thing but PUUUNNZZ.

Anyway, considering the topic I'm not going to tear this to shred anymore. Just work on your repetition and it would be a lot better. There's not much I can say about imagery pertaining to a poem about a rock, so I'll leave it that I guess.

Anyway, I hope this at least helped some! If not, toss my review!

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on!

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron.




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117 Reviews


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Sun Oct 30, 2016 7:53 am
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, Artemis28!

This is Moonwatcher here for a Review Day review!

As I was reading the title the first thing that came to mind was this;

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All jokes aside, I shall jump right into the review! Normally, I'd advise that you don't repeat the "Unmovable" part of the poem, because in most cases, repetition isn't very effective unless you're trying to prove a point. But I like the repetition of "Unmovable" in this poem. ( I found it funny that the other comment here said "This is very moving", which was ironic.

The poem lacks stanzas, which I feel would be very effective in improving the flow of the poem. Perhaps each snippet around the phrase "unmovable" would be a good place to add stanzas in, or at least a good place to start looking at.

Another thing I want to take a look at are the phrases "We are the four presidents:" and "Unmovable". Both are repeated, but the places they are repeated in are inconsistent, and not the same throughout the poem. Repeating these phrases are fine, and I feel as if repeating them make the poem give off a stronger feel, but perhaps at least making them consistent would make their use a little bit more effective.

We are the four presidents:

Forever staring out into America,

Carved into the country we once ruled.


This is a strong, and passionate ending, which I enjoy.

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope this review helped you out, and have a great day! ^-^




Astronomer says...


In case my joke didn't make sense, a lyric in the chorus is "that was when I ruled the world."



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53 Reviews


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Thu Oct 27, 2016 12:47 am



This is very moving :)





I'm effortlessly ironic.
— Link Neal