force isnt always bad
not when you send yourself spiraling forward
not when you hit a wall and break it not when you prove you can take it
when you move against the grain when you feel like you cant breathe
and you feel so tired you cant walk- cant think and you know you are on the brink
but wont let your ship sink
you take your billowing sail and favorite water pail
all the way to the shore
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139,203 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Hi, Gem! I'm back with another #RevMo review.
I really love the message of this poem. Force is a theme/thing that I don't usually think about, but your poem made me realize how negative its connotation usually is - and how it can actually be a good thing. Your word choice does a great job hinting at the negativity, while the actions described paint a more positive image.
^That stanza is the perfect example of what I'm talking about!
I also love the rhymes. I didn't notice them when I first read your poem because they weren't always at the end of the stanza, but I saw them during my reread of your poem. Rhyming came come across as forced
pun not intendedin some poems, but the rhymes here felt natural - they made sense with the story being told.I mentioned in my last review that the breaks between stanzas could be jarring. I actually think the opposite is the case here. It took me a few rereads to grasp what you were describing at the end of the poem. If you broke the final few stanzas into smaller chunks or added punctuation, it would be easier for the reader to digest.
This isn't really a critique, but this poem is the perfect kind of poem you can play around with formatting in. The all lowercase letters and lack of punctuation makes this poem feel like it's subtly nudging the reader along. I think adding punctuation, capitalization and maybe bold and/or italicized letters would make the poem feel much more forceful. You could also play around with how the stanzas are spread across the page.
I'm not sure if you've already read some of them before, but @alliyah's poems are a great example of how formatting can be used to promote a narrative. If you're not really sure what I'm talking about in the paragraph above, definitely check some of those poems out!
Overall, I really like this poem! It has a cool message that I haven't really seen before, and makes me interested in reading more of your poetry later on this month.
Let me know if you have any questions about this review!
Thank you. <3
You're welcome!
Heyo! I bring a review to the table
I like this poem! The imagery is well written, the message is a good one, and I like the formatting. "Force isn't always bad..." honestly, I wouldn't have really thought of force as bad in the first place, but I think I can see how it could be. Forcing someone to do something they don't want to, forcing yourself deeper into sorrow or despair... those are some ways that force is a bad thing, now that I think about it. But your poem brings yet another perspective doesn't it? And it backs up that perspective with beautiful imagery and language and rhymes that seem effortless.
This poem almost seems like a painting as the lines flow into each other. Rhyming can be hard to execute well in a poem to make it seem natural, but I think you did it well here. The lines you write make me feel like I'm floating, if that makes any sense. I love when poems do that. When you feel like you can ride the words to infinity, soft letters washing over your legs and playing with your hair, lifting you off the ground, and you feel weightless, without anything to hold you back.... Your language did that to me. I read poems because of how they make me feel, and I felt a lot from just the beautiful structure of your lines.
This poem also has kind of a message, a moral. A good one, at that. Pushing yourself forward can lead to great things. Force is not always bad, if you use it the right way. It can give you strength, drive, grit. These two lines I feel like really spelled that out:
I love the rhyme there and the feelings and messages that implies. This is an inspiring piece. After reading those two lines, I felt stronger, like I could scream into the face of a storm, like I could climb the mountain even with pain over every inch of my body.
It's a short poem, but it packs so much into so little. Your poems (at least the ones I've read) are really truly good, and this one is another great piece you can add to the list. Good job.
Thank you Lai5Giba :>
Oop *Lia
Hi LadyGemstone,
I'm here with a review. Just as with your last poems I like it. I must say that after reading the title I was expecting something else. Push and pull feels like two forces going against each other. From your poem, I feel like is one force going in one direction. I don't feel the contrast that I was expecting from the title.
I'd like to mention, again, punctuation. I wonțt repeat why as I already told you in my past reviews but I think that you should add it.
As for grammar, the only mistakes that I found were:
"force isnt always bad"
Isn't
"you feel like you cant breathe"
Can't
" tired you cant walk- cant think and you"
Here as well.
"but wont let your ship sink"
And won't. Is it a stylistic choice to write it this way?
I hope my review helped you,
MoonIris.
Yes. Thank you.