Sinking, falling, traipsing...
Following the only patterns known to me
But not only by me.
Others know of other patterns
Threads woven so they don't fade out
As they meander;
They mingle with other colors creating
Tunnels of cotton.
Expanding then across my long legs
Lumping up around my feet,
But my pattern tapers and the only colors it holds
Fade to black and then explode with green and
Magenta hues violently.
It almost looks like an SOS
A smoke signal turned into tapestry
At some divine hearth
Where the hot coals are blue
And the scented oils tossed into the fire
Create new hues.
New beginnings; those words speak to me
Like they hold meaning for something.
But I'm not sure what a beginning is...
And why should one show joy when it has an ending?
Hmm, maybe I shouldn't be so condescending,
After all I don't know what purpose it has.
So, I keep mending my quilt.
We’re so stereotypical..
I ponder to myself stitching
So joyous about the beginning,
Sorrowful for the ending...
We forget what the middle is.
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Thanks for commenting in my thread! I hadn't had an opportunity to read this poem of yours very deeply yet, so was excited to have some good poetry to chew on.
I like the different moods this poem cycles through - from a desperation / almost dangerous feeling at the beginning, then more of a searching / longing, and then in the end a sort of healing / wondering. The poem feels like a meandering journey that is laced together with beautiful little pieces of imagery and a rainbow of colors. Also the image of a quilt is one of my very favorites and I'm really glad that you used that to stitch the poem together and brought into the beginning and ending of the poem. Nice word choice throughout.
Thank you for sharing, and keep on writing!
~ alliyah
Thank you <3
I am sooo so sorry for how late this review came in, poetry.... the holidays... but here I am, finally.
To start, I'm a simplistic story man, so poetry is not anywhere near my area of expertise, if Oregan is my area of expertise, poetry is Mexico. Like, it's still on the continent of words, but whole different category, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.
I'm going to take some inspiration out of harry's book and review this piece by piece
Sinking and falling are near synoms, and then you switch to traipsing, which defnelty changes the vibe, and in a way is jarring, but in another is interesting. I had to read the next two lines three times before I got what you were saying, that might be your intention, or might be because of how they are worded, or might be because I'm dumb, idk.
The poem feels a bit jumpy, the flow isn't building in any direction, one moment if feels like it's goes fast, and the next it hits the breaks. Like the first two lines here feel like we speeding up, the third is like a plato, the next feels like a build, and the last is like an abrupt halt in speed.
This gives me feelings and I don't really now how to comment upon it.
I like this bit too, and the end feels aburpt, but also like it should feel that way (???)
This feels like the philosophical heart of the poem, and a moment where we leave metaphoricle language to address the issues more directly.
That last line might be my favorite!
Like I said, I'm dumb with poetry, so I don't really know what's going on here, but it was definitely interesting, and seems to be about death and how out-of-control endings feel, and how inevitable they are.
But yeah, that's just my two cents, hope this helped!
Thanks, and keep writing!
-Andrew
thank you <3
Reserved because I accidently double posted. [/joke]
Such a good and skilled poem. Loved magenta hues violently. Great line. And your voice in this worked so well to be like let me tell you something, it was very well done and like revelation like.
<3 thank you :>
Hello TypoWithoutCoffee,
I haven’t reviewed anything in a while so I may be a bit rusty. But here goes.
The structure of this poem was so neat! I loved how it seemed to take shape (like the quilt/tapestry) as I read along. At first we are shown just an abstract image, in the middle we see a person quilting in front of a fire. Then at the very end we see a glimpse into the person’s thoughts. It showed how everything is constantly changing, forming and breaking down again. In my head I saw a person in front of a fire with a giant quilt piled up at their feet that they are still working on. The fire is the only light illuminating the space. The space also happens to be a cave filled with friendly spiders. The flow and wording was also extremely well done.
I would only make one change to the poem:
The wording of this stanza messed with the flow of the poem.
This might sound better: Fade to black and then violently explode
With green and magenta hues.
Overall I really enjoyed reading this! It was a truly captivating poem. As always, I hope this review was helpful. Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day!
- Stellarjay
thak you <3333
I enjoyed this poem.I like how it talks about how we all want something in our lives,but never take time to enjoy it.We’re always craving for something faster and better.We forget to live in the moment.The thing is,it’s easier to say that you enjoy life than to actually do it.It’s a nice poem.I hope you have a nice day/night.
thank you <3
Heyo! this is nox with an encouraging review.
So Since I've never written a review for you I'll tell you this I wont write a review that hates on anything you write..
I love this flows well and is easy to read. This piece stands out because of the way you have worded it and the words you use fit. Your words bewitch your audience and make them want to read more. Its actually really deep sounding and makes me want to read more.
I feel like it could be space a little differently so its easier but your writing is galvanizing and I hope you continue your long line of works.
Anyways thank you for sharing with YWS and I hope that you will continue writing the way you do.
~Nox
thank you <3
Np. I hope to continue reviewing your lovely works