They say girls are made of sugar spice and all that's nice
but if that is true
then who am I and who are you
because on my world for the sweet the sour and the power there is price
we all from time to time don't know what to do
and we all get caged like we are in a zoo
so when the world has you in its vice
don't just sit and stew
find something that can help you and others too
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
very Nice Story. Pain Of The Girl -beautifully expressed
EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway
First Impression
So true <3 I love this
Nitpicks & Grammar
Nothing to critique here
Style & Flow
First of all I'd change the way this poem is structured, particularly these stanzas-
I feel like that would flow better if you made it one stanza and shortened it.
Secant this line needs to be simplified
Way too complicated. (But soooo true <3) You just have to take out the ''on my world '', it would read like this-
See the difference?
Other then that you did really well. (I love your rhyming scheme here as well <333)
Overall
This was a beautiful poem, that contains universal truths that need to be recognized. Thank you for posting this, and PLEASE post again!
EverLight out
<3
"Find something that can help you and others too." That's the best advice I've heard in a while. And like you said, girls aren't made of sugar and spice, at least not necessarily. The only thing I would suggest changing in this poem would be to replace "on my world" with "in my world." I take this work to mean that it's okay if you're feeling down, just don't let the world get the better of you. I was having a bad day, but this poem cheered me up a bit.
Thank you very much^^
I see that you enjoy rhyming in you poems, I just feel as if the line "because on my world for the sweet and the sour and the power there is price" seems a bit longer or more complicated than need be. Also you say, "so when the world has you in its vice, don't just sit and stew" which I feel breaks your rhyming pattern in a way that just throws the reader off slightly.
Other than that however I enjoy this poem a lot, I like the idea that people are known to be kind, then they should continue to act kind. The idea of just sitting and pretending to be something your not. I also like your use of common phrases to urge us to do something better for others. I enjoyed this overall and I believe I would like to read some of your other works. Keep writing, I'd like to see more poetry from you in the future.
Thank you.