z

Young Writers Society



​Clear As Day My Love

by fatherfig


Things are fast now but they will slow

and bright colors will soon fade.

love will molt and morph as hate continously chafes.

the thundering annoyances will talk scream whisper and one day

be silenced so swiftly your ears will miss the berating sounds of old.

as is age and its effects so I'm sorry for stories I've repeatedly told

but my eyes ears taste and smell have all but gone static,

and I can still remember clear as day

my love....

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
142 Reviews

Points: 1992
Reviews: 142

Donate
Tue Sep 01, 2020 1:44 pm
View Likes
looseleaf wrote a review...



**My Thoughts**

Hey Gem! I hope you're having a fantastic day! I really liked this poem. It was very short, but was super detailed, and I just loved it. OK, on to the actual part of the review!

**Spelling, Capitalization, the Whole Shebang**

So spelling and grammar were great! I couldn't find anything wrong besides this line:

love will molt and morph as hate continously chafes.
That should be spelled "continuously."

I liked your choice when it came to capitalization and punctuation. You only used capitalization on the first line, and didn't use it on the rest, which (to me) makes it look cleaner, especially because you did use punctuation. Just one thing. At the end of the poem you use four periods (....). I think that looks rather sloppy. Maybe use just one, or maybe three, periods so it looks neater.

**Rhyming**

I loved your choice of words and how you rhymed throughout the poem. I especially liked these two lines:
and bright colors will soon fade.

love will molt and morph as hate continously chafes.
I loved how you rhymed "fade" and "chafes" and it just flows really smoothly.

**The End**

Alright, Gem! I really liked this poem. I think there is a bit of things you can fix, but overall, it is fantastic! I hope you have a lovely day and an even better RevMo! <3
Image




fatherfig says...


Thank you. <3



User avatar
91 Reviews

Points: 2400
Reviews: 91

Donate
Mon Aug 31, 2020 10:11 pm
View Likes
MoonIris wrote a review...



Hi Ladygemstone,
I am here with a review. I liked your poem as much as I did with the others. It has a beautiful message and you put it in lovely words. My only big problem with this poem is the punctuation. I don’t see any except for the last line. It’s difficult to read it as you don’t know the melody of it and it’s impossible to read it out loud without taking a break to breathe. I know that some people don’t use punctuation so the reader would concentrate on the message. Was this your reason as well? I believe adding punctuation will make it more pleasant to read it.
This is not as big but here:
” berating sounds of old so is age ”
This part is confusing. I had to read it a couple of times to understand it. Maybe you could change somthing about it to make it more clear?

I hope my review helped you,
MoonIris.




fatherfig says...


I've added punctuation and changed the wording. <3 Thank you.




For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle ... anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
— Aristotle