stepping onto another landing,
the plane comes in and starts explaining why
i could never fly with it, and then lifts off again
in it's arrogance it crashes,
but its ghost comes back to the landing
just to haunt me. it disgraces me
misplacing me, trying to put me in my place.
it tells me how if i flew, since i was unworthy,
my passengers would die deaths worse than those of it's crew...
so i step back and i don't fly,
my engine is stalled...
somber days and somber nights pass by,
but i won't fly and that's simply nothing new.
because i'm afraid that a single word from that old plane
might be true
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,023 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey gemmy! Incoming review!
I feel like the use of place twice is slightly redundant. You could change it to something like, "...trying to keep me there." I feel like it fits better with the previous statements.It's been a while since I've reviewed one of your works. So here I am. Let me get into the review!
I'll start out with critique.
The ellipses slows down the pace a lil too much. I think the ellipses you used before is used in good taste, though.
But that was all the critique I had, let me praise your work. I love the use of flight for this poem and the weight we feel in the poem. We usually associate flight with weightlessness. But we feel so much weight to this poem beacuse your plane won't lift off, and if it did, the weight would be too much for your plane to handle.
These line Give off so much hurt and emotion. I think they're my favourite. I just kinda wonder what the deaths really are. Or maybe I'm too dense in the head and can't figure it out for myself lol.
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful. Keep on writing, gem, I love to read it! Anyway byeeeeeeee<33333
<3333 thank you fire <3
Hi gem, here after seeing you posted something that I love to review (poetry). This is one cool poem and here are my thoughts on it.
First of all I find this poem to be a little too fast paced. This isn't a bad thing if I think on what is behind. If the poem is meant to portray someone's quick thoughts it is perfect but if the poem is more on the narrative side well... The way it's moving would be too fast and won't allow most readers to get anything out of it.
I believe that this "flying" is just a metaphor on something else. Like something that is also kept from the speaker just like flying and all this stuff related to planes and flying is just a playful way to tell the feelings behind something more profound. Something related to lack of confidence. I love how you portrayed the anxiety behind the speaker's voice "afraid that a single word from that old plane/might be true". It is a nice, familiar way of explaining anxiety that is too obvious for someone not to notice.
The image of a stalled engine is also a cool one. Without an engine, days and nights are somber for the speaker. The engine can be interpreted as the will power of someone. And by using this interpretation the next lines make so much more sense. I love your poetry and the freedom it gives me as a reader. A lot of poets and poems do this freedom thing but you certainly have a more dynamic approach to it where the way you interpret is much more meaningful.
I think you have a typo, you wrote it's instead of its. Apart from that small detail great job, loved your poem!
thank you <333
oook super sad, very true though (of how being scared of messing up can stop you from doing somethiing you should)
its an ok poem doesn't really roll of the tongue that well such as
some parts are pretty good
like
so maybe some shoring up to do, maybe you don't really care, I don't know, this is just what I thought, (I don't know a lot about poetry) but other than that its a pretty good one in my opinion.
-Myth
It's free verse... they don't have to rhyme or roll off the tongue though they can, in this case I'm going more for meaning than for being pretty. Thank you for the review though I won't lie, your review initially came off a bit brisk. XD Maybe check out some of the information threads on how to review poetry if you are foggy on the subject. Here are a few threads I find helpful:
How to poetry review
Critiquing poetry
Keep reviewing <3