a warm breath of wind from the heavens
meets my lips like gently heated honey
becoming my distraction on a whim
reiterating its power with a single touch
opening my soul to the worlds' splendor
showing me perfection in every flaw
inadvertently stealing my sorrows
as it lets me taste its sweet waters
leaving my heart's thirst exquisitely whetted
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,758 Reviews
Hey gem here again!
So let's get to the review ~
This was a very poetic way to describe encountering the warmth of the sun! It feels like this beautiful nature moment is really extended and disected so that the reader can experience it along with the speaker and I think you've done a really good job with this poem.
A quick grammar note -> "worlds'" should be "world's" with the apostrophe before the "s" unless you mean multiple worlds.
I think that the detail that the honey was "gently" heated honey is a bit odd? As it seems like an odd detail to add to the phrase, and I can't really imagine how heating would be gentle/rough. But I think that the word choice overall that you used was really nice, it's not quite archaic but does feel really elevated which goes nicely with this heavenly theme you've got.
I think the last two lines are my favorite "as it lets me taste its sweet waters leaving my heart's thirst exquisitely whetted" -> it's ironic because one doesn't expect sunlight to be described as "water" in fact that's the very opposite of the sun, and yet some how the discription works I think .
I think with a short minimalistic poem like this the choice to not use punctuation marks or capitalization also kept the poem looking clean and added a modern edge to it with the older language style.
Overall this is a nice piece, and would definitely be the type of thing I could imagine seeing printed on a postcard picture of the sun or something.
All the best,
alliyah
Hello Lady Gemstone and Ethan!
)
(This is actually going to be my first RevMo review
I like that every line is very direct, and thus vivid. The images that formed in my head as I read the poem were heavenly and surreal. The metaphors are the best part about this piece. I think they work to great effect. They really made me think. I love it when a poem does that.
Sunlight's Essence is of course an acrostic. The message being: ambrosial ("very pleasing to the senses"). It's also the word best suited to describe the feeling that the poem conveys. So that's awesome! Different lines in the poem really do describe different ways how sunlight can excite or free us.
"Like gently heated honey." It's my favorite part of the poem! It reminded me of how sunlight feels on a winter morning, when it's somehow more concrete than ever.
I love the last line. Sunlight does not leave us satisfied, and so, in a sense, it doesn't limit us. Rather, it leaves us optimistic and wanting more, reminding us of the grace and beauty there is in the most common of things. Or at least that's what it made me feel.
That's the review. Overall, I loved the acrostic. I enjoyed the vividness of it. Also, I thought the choice to leave out punctuation altogether was really appropriate here.
Have a good day and keep on writing!
~MAS
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Hello, I’m here for another review!
Everything flowed together very well from start to finish and reading it aloud was a pleasure. I absolutely loved the word choice; there’s so much of the imagination involved, but at the same time, each description paints an incredible picture all by itself! It’s the perfect mixture of the two. I really like the descriptions; “heated honey” and “sweet waters.”
This poem makes me wish summer wasn’t over just yet, but it also has this autumn crispness to it that captures September! There really is so much in a warm breeze and this poem captured all of that.
Great work at crafting your poem.
~Spider~
Thank you. <3
You%u2019re welcome!
oops! idk what happened to that first comment there *You're welcome*
Ahhh this is such an expressive poem! Hello, I'm Buranko, and I'm here to give u my honest review for ur work.
First of all let me tell you that I am a huge fan of poems that really push your senses to the max. This poem isn't really getting everything out of my senses, but it is close enough.
The introduction is gorgeous! It sets the stage for everything you hope to achieve with this poem in such an artistic way. "A warm breath of wind from the heavens/Meets my lips like gently heated honey". Honestly until now I "tasted" a poem. It really messed with my tongue and left a sweet taste.
I like how you paint the word "ambrosial" in it. You used words that truly represent the essence of ambrosia like "heavens", "sweet waters","perfection". There is the idea of a godly being watching humans, and occasionaly giving them some pleasurable experiences.
The idea of stealing sorrows is also a really nice element you added.
The only thing I would find as a problem is punctuation, but seeing that you didn't use any makes me believe it is intentional.
Great poem !
P.S. This poem made me jump to get a cup of hot tea with honey in it .
I'm glad to hear that :> Thank you <3