The world is dark before morning,
The ground is wet after storming,
Your hope is gone sometimes,
It can come back if you read between the lines,
Big things,
And diamond rings,
Are good but aren't needs,
I could live happier with some good deeds,
Life can be boring,
When rain is pouring,
But don't keep counting dimes,
Instead smell the gingers and thymes,
When the register dings,
Or your phone bings,
Ignore greed be valiant steeds,
And so spread all the good that we may drink it like mead!
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139,211 Literary Works • 672,511 Reviews
Hey!
I really liked this poem. I enjoyed your clever and funny rhymes, and the light tone brought a smile to my face. I do not want to call it simple; the poem felt almost magical in a way. It flows smoothly, and it’s easy to read, which makes it more enjoyable for the readers. I do not really have anything to critique! This poem is really cute c:
Keep writing!
Thank you again dear <3 >.O <3333
Hey!
I really liked this poem. I enjoyed your clever and funny rhymes, and the light tone brought a smile to my face. I do not want to call it simple; the poem felt almost magical in a way. It flows smoothly, and it’s easy to read, which makes it more enjoyable for the readers. I do not really have anything to critique! This poem is really cute c:
Keep writing!
Thank you dear <3
Of course! ^^
Hi I'm Grav and I'll be reviewing your myth today. I know that makes no sense but just go with the familiarity complex.
I don't know what to say except for I felt like I was watching a feel good movie. So, I did as the title said and I read between the lines. In the end, it all comes down to space doesn't it? When there's space, there are limits and there are boundaries. Well, to hell with my interpretation because I just wanna talk about how much I loved reading this again and again and AGAIN.
You had a pretty smooth flow throughout and some funny rhymes. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your poem. I didn't bother looking for typos because it doesn't matter. Here's what I meant by funny rhymes by the way(Not exactly funny but they made me smile hard):
That was a pretty nice and pleasant and okay pleasant isn't the right word. It was a nice ending is all I'm gonna say. I loved it and I can't stop saying that cause this poem's adorable.
I really hope this review helps. (Its not like I guided you or anything) I hope it helps you write the next poem with a wider smile
Much love <3
KEEP WRITING!!!!
Yours sincerely,
Grav
AWE THANKS! you made me so happy! <3
I'm glad I did
Ethan here for another review! (Go team Ravenclaw!)
I loved this poem, one of those pieces that kind of makes you feel good inside. I appreciate the theme, you did a great job with word choice, and it flows really well. All in all, great job!
I was trying to find something to constructively criticize, but I couldn't find anything, so you're getting off easy this time! ;>
Like I said, all in all a great poem! I always love reading your stuff, so keep up the good work!
Thank you so much for the review!
i absolutely loved this poem! good job with the rhyming.
i actually wish there was more versus because it was like you were telling a little story.
The first two lines are hands down my favourite, automatically it's like "wow where are they going with this!!" such a good opening line that can lead down so many avenues.
i really enjoyed the shortness and almost assertive like sternness to the lines such as "when the register dings, or your phone bings" straight to it and i love it.
Also good use of the word valiant!
Would love to hear / see the next verse of this poem if you ever write one!
Keep up the good work!
Thank you, @F0xTr0t .
This is such a positive poem. Anyone who reads this will feel cheered up. The only suggestions I have are replacing "big" with another word, and perhaps edit the syllable lengths of line 5-8. Also, perhaps it would be better to insert "and" btw. "greed" and "be".
Of course, this is simply my own opinion. If you had specific reasons for formatting this poem the way you did, then by all means ignore my two cents.
Personally, I felt better about my bad day after reading this poem. Thank you very much.
Thank you @dahlia58
Hello! I'm here to write a review for your lovely poem!
I saw that this has been sitting in the Green Room with only one review, so I decided to check it out. And, I like it a lot! I loved how you moved the poem along continuously, and I can tell that you put a lot of thought into this piece. I'm not much of a criticism reviewer, so sorry! But the thing is, I just loved the piece, and there's nothing that I would say you need to work on!
As I said above, I'm not really one for really giving out a lot of criticism, so sorry if you were looking for that! I'd just like to say once again that this was good, and I hope to read more of your works!! I know that they'll be just as good as this one was. When I read this, I could tell that you can go far, just don't give up on your dreams! Honestly, I don't really have anything other negative things to write, because this piece is done well. Keep up the great work, and don't ever stop believing in yourself!! And, Em out!
Thank you Emilee
It's not a problem! ^-^
^v^
This is a lovely poem!
your use of rhyme and imagery really help the poem flow, and I truly enjoy your theme of not being consumed by man's desires or things that don't truly matter at the end, being money and technology. Living life is truly what matters most, and you did this in a way not to scold, but to tell them to look around and enjoy it while they still can.
I don't have much criticism for this piece, it is well put together.
I hope you continue writing and enjoy doing so.
Have a good Wednesday!
Thank you @LilyPhelen.