Young Writers Society

hey there ;; i stumbled across this and dare i say , it is a gem! as a music lover i relate to this to some level and that , i guess is what drew me even deeper into your poem. now, about the stuff i love; I love the depth to this poem, I love the imagery and elaborate nature of this piece. In short, you have made my day. beautiful and great stuff here. keep on writing

I find this a lovely reflection of what music means to the speaker. There are well-developed images, even in just a few lines. This poem also gives off some experimental vibes, since it seems to divide images differently than most free verse poems, which I think is neat.

1. I love how you've linked physical sensations to playing music. "wrists to burn", "mouth dries" and "fingers itch" all point out things that I don't often think about when listening to music (since I don't play) which is great for a piece of poetry. It shows a perspective that readers might not have seen before.

2. Doing a cursory count, the syllables in each line are : 22-20-22-25-23. I don't know how you managed approximately the same syllable count in each line (especially since they're so long!) but good job. It makes the poem more rhythmic for me.

3. The title is really apt. "simple poetry", and it's only five lines - yet the many syllables in each line suggests something simple is still full of value. Brilliant.

4. I quite like how there is only one comma in this whole piece. I read each subsequent line as divided into those phrase units showing a particular sensation - as in "your mouth dries" --and -- "your larynx flexes uncomfortably". The constant chain of enjambments and "and" after that creates this feeling of rushing, gushing sensations, making music seem to be quite the sublime experience.

To sum it up, I love the parts of this piece that play with the subject (music) and with the form of typical free verse. Maybe "butterflies in your stomach" might be a bit of a cliche, but combined with "demons", it seems to create a very different mood. Hopefully you find some of these comments helpful and keep writing

Cheers,
Liminality

Hi LadyGemstone,
It's me again. Here with another review for this lovely poem. This one is a little different from the others, no stanzas. I think it makes it very interesting. I only found two grammar mistakes.
"your mouth dries and your larnyx flexes uncomfortably as you mime silent phrases"
It should be "larynx".
"a gift to the ears or soul when read correctly"
I believe it should be "reading".
My favorite lien if this poem is: "Emotion builds stanza and verse filling the holes in your soul and causing your wrists to burn,". The first one again.

I think you have a really great subject. Comparing music to poetry. Where did you get the inspiration?
I hope my review helped you,
MoonIris.