never prepared when the knife comes
as though it's here to suture
it dips curved blade under the breastbone
pulls through the meat exits the pelvic floor
am i a good person for allowing the seam to be clean
when it burns through me like molten steel
cut me gut me stop pretending to love me
i want to see my blood because my blood is real
it'll never be cannibalism because you kill for sport
you didn't want to see me living so you wasted my corpse
it'll never be cannibalism because i wasn't good enough to eat
tear my arm out of socket and break out my fucking teeth
easier to stomach if i were worth bloodshed but i was poisoned
like a rat out of sight out of mind out of your life in a snap
it doesn't feel good to be a rodent living on crumbs
in your betrayal i ate a warm last meal of deciet
it boiled up suddenly the poison foaming up shook me roughly
heaving clutching seizing and then bone crunching worse than any trap
is this what passes for humane is this supposed to be kind
this is mundane i guess i'm just another death in bile
i vomited up all my trust shed my fur i lost sight of my innocence
your purity is a joke and i am born anew in the spirit of
what you made me a withered pile of bones a heart i understood
once now made of dust or ash not the rose quartz i knew
all these gale force winds are really testing my patience
don't mind the particles of me blowing away i'm sure i'll be the same
someone you appreciate someone you look up too someone you defiled
all those times you said i was a better person than you
i guess you were fucking right.
I haven't read poetry in a while and I have to tell you this poem has a really strong imagery because it was like witnessing every single frame of a heavily emotional but poorly planned out crime. Like an evidence of murder but being spared because you weren't good enough to be killed. It cuts through some very indescribable emotions. I suppose not adding punctuations was a choice because it felt like reading someone's last words.
Overall, you impress me fellow poet!
thanks a lot, emotions mean a lot overall in my poetry so im glad it was evocative!
wow,this is so visceral and precise. the imagery you used, such as "it dips curved blade under the breastbone/pulls through the meat exits the pelvic floor" is so vivid and specific.
one of my favorite (and really well done) lines is "it'll never be cannibalism because i wasn't good enough to eat". the metaphor is so perfect, and is an amazing continuation of "it'll never be cannibalism because you kill for sport"
just wondering, were you going for a specific rhyme scheme? forgive my inexperience, but it seems to me that some stanzas rhyme, while others don't. if this is intentional, leave as is.
i also have some things you might want to clarify. for example, "another death in bile" is very vague/unspecific. it leaves the reader (or maybe just me) unsatisfied/confused.
also "i understood/once now" when further reflected on is a continuation of the previous stanza, but at first glance is a very contradictory statement.
overall, this was very good.
Yes it was semi free verse! And the 'another death in bile' line references how overdose/poisoning can make you vomit and have an unpleasant death but it's unfortunately common. Thank you for your review!
You're welcome! Sorry about my mistakes, I generally consider myself to be very inexperienced where writing and critiquing is concerned.
You can only improve through practice and you'll only get better!