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Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
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142,234 Literary Works • 677,060 Reviews
I haven't read poetry in a while and I have to tell you this poem has a really strong imagery because it was like witnessing every single frame of a heavily emotional but poorly planned out crime. Like an evidence of murder but being spared because you weren't good enough to be killed. It cuts through some very indescribable emotions. I suppose not adding punctuations was a choice because it felt like reading someone's last words.
Overall, you impress me fellow poet!
thanks a lot, emotions mean a lot overall in my poetry so im glad it was evocative!
wow,this is so visceral and precise. the imagery you used, such as "it dips curved blade under the breastbone/pulls through the meat exits the pelvic floor" is so vivid and specific.
one of my favorite (and really well done) lines is "it'll never be cannibalism because i wasn't good enough to eat". the metaphor is so perfect, and is an amazing continuation of "it'll never be cannibalism because you kill for sport"
just wondering, were you going for a specific rhyme scheme? forgive my inexperience, but it seems to me that some stanzas rhyme, while others don't. if this is intentional, leave as is.
i also have some things you might want to clarify. for example, "another death in bile" is very vague/unspecific. it leaves the reader (or maybe just me) unsatisfied/confused.
also "i understood/once now" when further reflected on is a continuation of the previous stanza, but at first glance is a very contradictory statement.
overall, this was very good.
Yes it was semi free verse! And the 'another death in bile' line references how overdose/poisoning can make you vomit and have an unpleasant death but it's unfortunately common. Thank you for your review!
You're welcome! Sorry about my mistakes, I generally consider myself to be very inexperienced where writing and critiquing is concerned.
You can only improve through practice and you'll only get better!