Young Writers Society

hey gem! a Incoming review

So lets get started gem

First off gem i love the title of the poem and when i read it gem was like gem did pretty super good wit a poem like this and i told ari that you and her should collab again cause when y'all collab together the poem gets better but gem anyways when is your next poem going to be next time when ever you do it through and gem i also have a line to your poem enter silently and take my hand,
fake smile at me like you don't understand
that i understand and i have plans,
the light is purged from me by crueler hands
i'm here to enjoy these moments while i can,
and that means until i can't anymore like gem how you and ari's do y'all poems like anyway

My Compliment is oh my goodness gem how you get the edit like that and that is on most of your poems gem and i love the way how you talk about whats in your thought gem

How you can improve gem is the way how you and ari's work together y'all poems be like so when y'all collab that's when people get to read you and ari's poems cause now we want y'all two collab like always cause thats how the poems get good when ari's
is in your poem or something

Keep Writing Gem and have a nice day!!

-jay

Hey gem! Incoming review!

Oh my goodness. This poem is so heartfelt and so beautiful. It really shows to me the brave and protective mask that parents have to put on in order for their kids to live happily. Reading this gives me a good pain in my chest because I wish I could have this relationship with my mother. I adore how the rhyming scheme is there but interrupted when needed. It give a sense of urgency in the poem but the breaks give sincerity. Gosh, but the message is so delicate and well executed.

If there was one thing I were to critique it would be after this line,

don't weep in the bathroom or over the kitchen sink,

Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! Before I dive into it all though please know that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad.

enter silently and take my hand,
fake smile at me like you don't understand
that i understand and i have plans,
the light is purged from me by crueler hands

it's okay to cry as you hold my hands
as i lie here and the light in my chest fades,

just remember it will shine above you one day
can you smile for me as i light your path?
can you be joyous for me never so sad

i love you mom and dad and i know you can endure this,
you're already so strong so take my hand one last time
and then hold my hand for the rest of your lives,
because i'll be here