enter silently and take my hand,
fake smile at me like you don't understand
that i understand and i have plans,
the light is purged from me by crueler hands
i'm here to enjoy these moments while i can,
and that means until i can't anymore
don't fake smile at me mom and dad,
it's okay to cry as you hold my hands
as i lie here and the light in my chest fades,
just remember it will shine above you one day
can you smile for me as i light your path?
can you be joyous for me never so sad
don't weep in the bathroom or over the kitchen sink,
talk to me in my room tell me of the days
i couldn't see it's okay to miss me don't be afraid,
to reach out and hold my hand even if you
can't see it my light is shining down on you.
even when the dark clouds try to obscure it
i love you mom and dad and i know you can endure this,
you're already so strong so take my hand one last time
and then hold my hand for the rest of your lives,
because i'll be here
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139,216 Literary Works • 672,511 Reviews
hey gem! a Incoming review
So lets get started gem
First off gem i love the title of the poem and when i read it gem was like gem did pretty super good wit a poem like this and i told ari that you and her should collab again cause when y'all collab together the poem gets better but gem anyways when is your next poem going to be next time when ever you do it through and gem i also have a line to your poem enter silently and take my hand,
fake smile at me like you don't understand
that i understand and i have plans,
the light is purged from me by crueler hands
i'm here to enjoy these moments while i can,
and that means until i can't anymore like gem how you and ari's do y'all poems like anyway
My Compliment is oh my goodness gem how you get the edit like that and that is on most of your poems gem and i love the way how you talk about whats in your thought gem
How you can improve gem is the way how you and ari's work together y'all poems be like so when y'all collab that's when people get to read you and ari's poems cause now we want y'all two collab like always cause thats how the poems get good when ari's
is in your poem or something
Keep Writing Gem and have a nice day!!
-jay
Hey gem! Incoming review!
would to maybe add a rhyme to the next line. When I was reading it my mind went to think that there should be a rhyme there but when it wasn't it slightly threw me off. If you were to add on to that and change it a word such and "blink" would be nice in the context with tears. Other than that, there wasn't any complaint I had. But if you don't mind, could you explain to me what the meaning of "your light" is? It somewhat confused me and I would like to know more!Oh my goodness. This poem is so heartfelt and so beautiful. It really shows to me the brave and protective mask that parents have to put on in order for their kids to live happily. Reading this gives me a good pain in my chest because I wish I could have this relationship with my mother. I adore how the rhyming scheme is there but interrupted when needed. It give a sense of urgency in the poem but the breaks give sincerity. Gosh, but the message is so delicate and well executed.
If there was one thing I were to critique it would be after this line,
gem, beautiful poem! It almost brought tears to my eyes! I don't know why I haven't been reviewing your works! I love your writing!!!! It just gives me some comfort somehow! Anyway, byeeeeeeeeee<3
That's hard to explain, it is at simplist a metaphor for life/love/happiness and the child speaker doesn't want it to go to waste when they pass theyy want their parents to be happy. Thank you so much Fire, I love your reviews. <333
Thanks for explaining! And thanks for the compliment <33333333333333
Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! Before I dive into it all though please know that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad.
'the light purged from me by crueler hands' now that's deep and usage of a strong word like purge just adds to it's power twt. Asdfksdfkjsfhskjh you can really feel the heartbreak 😭 Going by the other lines in that set of stanzas the narrator is talking to someone close to them, like a father/mother/or lover?
Who are the 'cruler hands'? An abusive uncle, an abusive stepfather, or just narrow-minded biggots in general who who don't understand that what they say hurts? You have realistic/mental health listed as the category so maybe the cruler hands are a metaphor for some type of mental illness?
The usage of the word 'as' twice here really threw of the flow for me, which was kind of upsetting because I really wanted to cherish the beauty of what you'd written there <33
Maybe you could remove the 'to cry as you hold my hands'?? Or maybe find a way to shorten 'as i lie here and the light in my chest fades?'
My interpretation of that is that the narrator is saying the light of their happiness will shine over her parents, and not herself. Can...can I just...asfhsdfjhsfkjhasdfjh the profoundness but ack you have no idea how those lines just hit my heart twt.
Ahhhhasdfhadsfjkhadsfjkhh the daughter is basically asking her parents to be her strength and to hold the light for her isn't she 😭 Ahhhhafasdfkjh overall I looved this poem. The emotions that come through are really profound and impactful.
100/10 job <333
-Ashlyn
thank you <333
Your welcome! I hope it helped <33