Young Writers Society

Hi Gem! I happened to see the date you joined, and well... *Sneaks a look at my RevMo Challenge*

First off, I love the style of the poem. The lines below the first line get steadily spaced out more and more. The rhyming scheme is smooth:

When we love,
when we cry,
Like a dove,
When we die,

I am pretty much new in to reviewing the works of other people, but I did like the flow of your poem.I like the way that it asks me questions. What I saw in this poem is :
Life goes on,
Does it matter in the end,
The Life,
When we love,
What is death,

The last line would have looked nice had it been like this " When we die"

A good effort.

I am pretty much new in to reviewing the works of other people, but I did like the flow of your poem, and I like the way that it asks me questions. A good effort.

Radrook here to provide feedback.
Please feel free to reject all feedback deemed not helpful.
Apologies if I offend. It isn't my intention.

That having been said:

I like the way that the poem is organized on the page . I also like the ending that expresses a question which some of us are constantly asking ourselves but which can only be answered by undergoing death itself or perhaps by having unwavering faith in what religionists believe are texts inspired by our creator.

About the response to the poem’s question, different readers have a different notions of what the end exactly is. Those who believe in an afterlife don’t consider death on Earth the end of our existence but just a mere transition either to a better life or one of suffering based on how we have behaved. The belief in reincarnation into a better or worse existence on earth is a peculiar example this. In fact, to them our behavior can determine a reincarnated life as a rat or as a human as a member of an untouchable caste or one of a higher caste in society.

Others who don’t believe in an afterlife believe it does matter because our behavior affects future generations. We can either be a force for good or a force for evil. As history clearly illustrates, those behavioral effects can reverberate down through the centuries in positive or negative ways. Look at the choices that people have made that have established totalitarian regimes that have in turn affected millions and still resonate during our time.

So the answer to the question from those two viewpoints is that yes, it does matter.

Suggestions

More question marks would have been nice.

....end?
....spend?
....breath?


[The death,] needs to be spaced once more to the right so that the letter "t" of "The" in the phrase "The death...." is in line with the letter "b"in the word "but" above it.

All in all a very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your poems.

1. What I liked
I loved it period. I particulerly like your last question. All the below advice you can ignore actually. This poem was fine in reality.
2. Style and Flow
It actually went smoothly however one thing-This is just me you can choose to ignore this-Your question Does It matter might be better said. I think your last question Is it more then our last breath we will see could be better phrased.
3. Style & Formatting
You can ignore this advice if you want it's only advice-I know the way you wrote it is a style but it can be hard to follow along the draft. Maybe consider changing it?
4. Overall & Encouragement
I loved this! It is a great pice of work no nick picks what so ever. Great job! Keep on writing such amazing stuff. You'll be a famous poet one day I bet . . .If you keep it up. Thanks for posting this.