Young Writers Society

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DON’T GO

The commas are an issue but the content is getting there.

Okay, first off, I LOOOOVEEEEEEE THIS.



Second off, I really did not see much wrong with this, other than your commas.


This made me feel as though you are thinking of leaving. And that makes me really sad. I dont want you to leave.


Overall, this made me feel so sad, but that is what it was supposed to do. So great job. This is a great poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing this poem about how you feel about leaving friends behind. Feels as though the speaker is attending a school far from home and will spend summer at a distance from the neighborhood in which it is located. Not sure what you mean by "marvel"or how it has killed your "spirits"or even what those spirits are.

Best I could do to make it harmonize with the context is to imagine that you marveled at the things taught in school, marveled at the friendships, and now because you marveled you feel that a brief separation during summer vacation is killing your spirit.

The expression "rejuvenate"indicates that the experience at school has been detrimental in some way. The vacation will restore what the school experience took away. This seems to contradict the mood of feeling sorry about being forced to leave the school and the friends. In short, it baffled me.

Not sure what is meant by running and trying to outlast time. Does the running have a destination? How can time be outlasted by rushing? Does this mean that the speaker went into frenetic activity trying to derive as much pleasure from associating with school friends before time ran out and vacation time arrived.

In short the poem confronts the reader with many interpretation challenges. Some might not enjoy such a challenge and dismiss the statements as nonsensical. I personally find the challenges fascinating and enjoy the activity of fitting the expressions to the context and in that way discovering the deeper meanings hidden within the seemingly simple words.

Looking forward to reading more of your work.

suggestions

To avoid the repetition of the words "time" and "coming" "come".

The time has almost come,
[The moment has almost arrived]

NO! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE! IT IS NOT FAIR TO YOUR FRIENDS! I KNOW THAT YOU MEAN WELL SO THAT WAY YOU ARE ABLE TO RESTORE YOUR NATURAL ENERGY OR SOMETHIN LIKE THAT, BUT THINK OF HOW WE FEEL. Well, at least try. We've become really good friends buddo, I'd hate to be left alone for the summer. I know that you're not feeling well after school and stuff, but please don't leave. I need comfort from my terrible day during June. I can't be left alone for more than a day without feeling bored without a fren like you to talk to. Unless you have SC, then give it to me, but if you don't. I'll wait. I promise. It's your decision, so if it really is the truth, you leaving and all, farewell daughter. I promise I'll be bach when you come back.

~Lake