Hi there LadyGemstone! Tuck here with a quick review for you, brought to you by #RevMo . Let's jump into it!
Overall, I really liked the themes in this poem. It was a well-written poem with some very strong and powerful verbs and nouns that you utilized effectively to deliver a clear message. I'm a sucker for a good poem about the universe and the galaxies, as they can be such great comparisons to human feelings while also inspiring awe in the reader, and this poem did not disappoint.
I usually don't comment on punctuation in a poem, but in this case I feel that it might benefit you to incorporate some punctuation in this poem. Especially considering you don't break this poem up into multiple stanzas (which is a fine choice, considering how short this poem is), the fact that you don't have any punctuation or any real breaks in this poem hurt your flow and rhythm. Your poem begins to pick up a very ramble-y sort of feeling, and there's not really a break for the reader or speaker to pause. It makes it harder for the meaning of the last few lines to sink in, since the reader has just finished a densely packed line and is now jumping into the next. All this to say, perhaps considering adding some commas and sentence breaks to give the reader that bit of relief.
Another suggestion is to tie these beautiful descriptions to something tangible that the reader can relate to, like emotions. While the poem you've written is beautifully descriptive, it doesn't spark intense feeling because it doesn't tie back these images to something that the reader can comprehend and hold in their hand. You can tie the expansiveness of the universe to the many questions swirling around the reader's brain; you can create a powerful sense of wonder and awe that relates to the way children perceive the world. There are tons of possibilities that you can explore here when you look for them.
Overall, this was a beautifully descriptive poem that was packed full of vibrant images. The two main ways I believe you could strengthen this poem are to add some punctuation, or another structure that would create some appropriately-placed pauses in this poem, and to connect these descriptive lines to a tangible emotion so it emotionally impacts the reader. I hope this review was helpful to you, and please don't hesitate to reach out with any questions or concerns! Happy RevMo!
Best,
Tuck
Points: 34856
Reviews: 583
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