Hi there you two!
I think it's interesting that you elected to post two poems together and maybe that's because you were trying to save on points for posting. However, if that were the case, I would encourage you to evaluate the consequences of posting two poems together - do they relate in any way, romantic theme aside? Are they meant to be read together and, if not, how might this be detrimental (or not) to the reader's interpretation of your poems? I think posting works together should be done with care, otherwise it can be a challenge to review both at once - particularly if they don't belong together. And I don't get the sense that these two belong together. In the end, I'll end up writing a comparison.
I get the impression that the first poem was more involved, what with the rhyme scheme and the balance of lines. I think it is also the stronger one of the two imagery-wise, and imagery is honestly the best way to convey those elusive things we call emotion. This is my personal take, but I am strong proponent of economy of words in poetry because I think that's when it is the most impactful (and of course we are always learning & practicing so I am unable to achieve this 100$ of the time).
In contrast, the second poem is a lot more stream-of-consciousness and there is a lot to parse from this. I also feel that the questions detract from the poem - a few are fine, but there are too many here. I am also confused by this:
Is it / jealous love? Vanilla bean? Or is it something undefined?
"vanilla bean" just seems very out of context and too random. There is nothing else linking "vanilla bean" imagery-wise or otherwise. Remember your intent and purpose in poetry.
Overall, I really commend you two for writing about love - it is such a difficult feeling to describe since it's probably the most elusive and indescribable of them all. You have some strong lines and I see potential in these! Keep on writing.
All the best,
Lavvie
Points: 18486
Reviews: 522
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