Young Writers Society

Hey there, LadyGemstone! I see that you posted a bunch of poems, so I figured I'd look at a few that were still in the Green Room!

This poem has nice imagery all throughout that you successfully use to illustrate an emotion. Since it's short, I'm going to go through line by line and talk about it that way.

I look into a silent lake and an image screams to me

I like what you did here with the juxtaposition of "silent" and "screams." It's a nice way to start the poem, as well, with a setting. We have the narrator at a lake, perhaps in contemplation.

I am glittering green emerald evergreen jealousy

I'm a bit torn on this line. I enjoy the alliteration that you used in "glittering green," but you use "green" again in the same line, though it's buried within "evergreen." Out of the ways you illustrate green here, "evergreen" is my favorite because you've already established that the narrator is in a natural setting, and that adds an image to the reader's mind without saying "the lake is surrounded by trees." I think that using one green word to describe jealousy (which is a very established idiom) will suffice.
Let's look at another thing to reframe in this line. You have 5 lines in this poem, and 3 of them start with "I." Instead of making the narrator the subject of this sentence, perhaps start with the image for a little variety. You could say something like "Evergreen jealousy glitters in my face." Or reflection, to connect this poem more strongly to the title.

and spoiled lazy sunflowers

Sunflowers is an unexpected image to use to describe laziness. This is your shortest line, but it's the one that needs the most connecting with how you choose to use the image. How are sunflowers lazy? Are they pampered in a garden? Do their heavy heads hang low on their stems? Does the narrator have a memory of a happy summer day laying among them? Connect the image of sunflowers with laziness. It's not a bad idea! In fact, I appreciate how fresh it is. But you need to show the connection more.

I'm a fairy who clipped her own wing and took to being carried instead of flying

I like this line, but it's worded awkwardly. Also, the fairy image doesn't really fit the natural setting. Furthermore, the concept of clipped wings is a bit of a cliche. I like the concept, but I think you might want to find a different image to illustrate it, as this line sticks out of the poem. Perhaps you could use a more natural inspiration? A seed, free from its tree, waiting to be carried away by an animal? Or maybe transition a bit into the sky, since your line has to do with stars.

a star that shines only when you are watching closely

I think I understand what you are trying to convey, but I feel like the wording of this line conflicts with the rest of the poem with no transition between different moods. This line says to me, "look closely and you can see my value" whereas the rest of the poem says "I acknowledge that my misery is my own fault." I think a little change of wording might help turn this around to something that fits more. Instead of what you have, try saying something like "a star that shines only when you turn your back," to convey the air of shyness and self-doubt that the rest of the poem has. If you think of something nicer, use that! But as it is, it feels oddly positive to end such an introspective and revealing poem.

Altogether, you have some solid images that convey a message. Let me know if you have any questions! Hopefully this helps you improve your writing! Happy YWSing!