Young Writers Society

**My Thoughts**

Hey Gem, LZ here with a review! I liked this one a lot. It was a bit hard to read, but I think it was wonderful none the less.

**Grammar, Capitalization, Punctuation, You Know The Drill**

OK! This poem was great. I see you made some corrections based on the past reviews, so I'm pretty sure that there's nothing wrong with your spelling and grammar.

Mage covered this before, but it sort of seemed rushed and that you didn't read over it? Sorry if I'm wrong. The beginning is broken up weirdly; it goes short line, long line, more short lines. Maybe you could break the longer lines in half. It would make the poem look longer, but it would be neater and (in my opinion) easier to read.

I think maybe a bit of punctuation would help you as well. Some commas (maybe not periods, except at the end) would definitely make it look neater and read better.

**Just Stuff (Don't Know What To Call This)**

I really like how you compare your mind to a little, cozy cottage. My mind is always running, and could be compared to a factory or something else that's busy and working, but I wish I could be compare my mind to a cottage! I also love the detail you put into it, like "goldplated doorknobs" and "neatly trimmed hedges."

**The End**

Overall, I liked this poem a lot! It was (relatively) short and sweet, but also had a ton of detail. I think you can work a bit on making it easier to read, but other than that, this is a really good poem! I will definitely be reviewing more of your poems as Review Month progresses. Have a great day, Gem, and keep on writing! Now, enjoy this banner from @whatchamacallit!

Hey there, Gem! I'm not sure if I've ever read your poems before, so I thought #RevMo would be the perfect time to start.

I'm actually sitting outside as I write this review, so I'm definitely a fan of the nature imagery you invoke throughout this poem. I love the suggestion that your mind is like a natural wonderland. It makes writing feel cozy, rather than a chore or an impulse. I'd definitely take a break there to do some writing!

My first thought when I was reading your poem was how you broke apart each stanza. Each stanza perfectly captures a specific aspect of your mind, but the abrupt endings can accidentally come across as jarring in the process. It's an issue that I always have with my own poems, so I couldn't help but notice it.

The best way to see if that would be a problem is to read through your poem and pause at the end of each line. If it feels awkward and you just want to get to the next line, chances are you need to change how the phrases are split apart! Here's an example of how you can change the first few stanzas so they flow better:

My mind is the perfect tapestry
for an orchard or a farm,
inside a sunlit meadow
neatly trimmed hedges

Hey, Gem, it's great to see you've had a great rush of poetic inspiration! Lots of stuff in the Green Room, hehe. Let's get this one out.

I recall you telling me once or twice before to fire away all my criticisms, so here I go.

The lack of punctuation makes the poem slightly dreamy, granted, but I'd like to point out that this poem is technically one very long sentence.

My mind is the

perfect tapestry for an orchard or a farm

inside a sunlit meadow

neatly trimmed hedges

neatly trimmed hedges

that shape around a tiny little log cabin worlds away

overlapping shingle....

Hi LadyGemstone,
it's me again with another review. This poem made me feel very calm and from the description, I felt like a little part of me traveled into the poem. I also think that the first two lines are a beautiful way to describe your imagination.
I didn't found any grammar mistakes but I'd like to remind you about punctuation again.

This is a lovely poem and I don't have a lot to say about it. I hope my review helped you and didn't offend you in any way,
MoonIris.