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by erilea

I am as tall as the trees

With bark for a face

And waving leaves as hair

Ancient, historical

I’ve been here for years, watching the world

Go by.

I am as strong as the rocks

With granite for ears

And obsidian for eyes

Unwavering, motionless

I’ve been here for years, watching the world

Go by.

I am as unique as myself

With a flourishing mind

And a large heart

Loving, growing

I’ve been here for years, watching the world

Go by.

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117 Reviews

Points: 11345
Reviews: 117

Sun Oct 30, 2016 4:20 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...

Hello again, Artemis28!

This is Moonwatcher here yet again with another Review Day review! ^-^

I’ve been here for years, watching the world

Go by.

Okay so I see that you repeat this throughout the poem. Personally, I feel as if the repetition isn't really necessary. It's strong in the beginning, but it grows weaker as you repeat it. You have two descriptive adjectives above this line, all of them varying. Perhaps you can do the same with this line, and come up with something different rather than repeating yourself instead of giving the reader information they've already been told.

This poem lacks stanzas, which I think if added, could improve the flow of your poem and let the reader catch their breath a little more. I suggest adding a new stanza after each "I've been here for years, watching the world, go by." line.

I feel as if the last 1/3 of the poem was a little bit weaker than the rest of it. I suggest adding some stronger imagery, and more powerful emotions/words, as the ending isn't nearly as strong in my opinion.

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope this review helped! Have a great day and keep on writing! ^-^

User avatar
454 Reviews

Points: 1158
Reviews: 454

Sat Oct 22, 2016 2:50 am
Rascalover wrote a review...

I might be a little in love with this poem and all of its similes. This isn't going to be much of a review because I don't think you should change much. The only thing I would change is this line:(Dull to any comment that might come my way), it disrupts the flow of your short simple lines. Maybe change it around without the word dull, or take it out all the way if it's not needed to get the point along in the poem.

Thanks for the great read,
<3 Rascalover

You are going to love some of your characters because they are you, or some facet of you, and you are going to hate some characters for the same reason.
— Anne Lamott