Across Worlds - Chapter 34 Part 2

by Noelle

Published March 2, 2015

In Novel - Across Worlds (finished)

A single, utterly crazy plan took over. “How’d you get the magic in there?” If she could feign interest, she might be able to delay the inevitable.

That unsettling grin set across Dorrin’s lips again. She could see nothing but pure evil in it. “That is a trade secret, my dear. I did what needed to be done to keep everyone under control.”

“Everyone?”

“Yes, everyone in my world.” If possible, his grin grew.

The statement threw Akia into a whirlwind of panic. What world was he even talking about? Agathi and Lightport were the only two left standing. Was it possible that he had taken over Agathi? This wasn’t the same man that was in charge of the mages as she had come to know. Maybe they had overlooked chaos in Agathi because everyone still had their powers. What had they done?

She looked passed him and back at the crater. There were so many different colors, so much energy being kept beneath the surface. It looked like mage magic, but it didn’t feel like it. Magic, no matter that kind, had a way of finding other magic. Whenever Akia was around something strong, she could feel it. She’d been around mage magic before and it didn’t feel like this. This magic was stronger, more powerful. It even had a sophisticated feel to it. It was nothing like she’d felt before.

“What kind of magic is there?” she asked, hoping against all odds that she’d get an answer.

“We’re not telling you anything until you agree to work with us,” Rhys spat. “I’m not falling for any of your tricks.” Of course. She knew that that would be his reaction.

What now? She wondered. She had run out of ideas. Manipulation wasn’t going to work with Rhys there, and Dorrin didn’t seem to be very open minded when it came to negotiations. He wanted things done his way and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“So are you on board?” Dorrin asked.

“Yeah, sure,” she responded. “Let me just pop back to Lightport, pack my stuff, and leave everything I’ve worked for in the past six years behind to join you guys. Give me a few minutes, I might get a bit emotional.”

Rhys pursed his lips. “Don’t get sarcastic on us, daughter of Kit. Your father had the same snippy remarks and it didn’t get him far at all.”

Her blood boiled at the mention of her father. “Stop talking about my father. He was a great man and you knocked him down. All because you didn’t want to fight him. Do you now what we call people like you? We call them cowards.”

Rhys was at her throat in a flash. His hand wrapped around her throat and squeezed, cutting off almost all of the oxygen. Her breaths came in shallow gasps as she clawed at his hand and wrist. But he wouldn’t let go.

“I am no coward,” he growled, staring her right in the eyes. She refused to look away. “You are the coward. I was only doing what I knew to be right. Everything went well until you decided one day that my ideas would somehow ruin us. When you saw something bad, you ran. You could’ve stood with me and fought for what was right. But you didn’t. You ran away and hid from me for years. Tell me how that isn’t cowardice?”

“Let her go,” Dorrin said calmly. Rhys hesitated, but let go of Akia, sending her crashing to the ground. She sputtered and coughed, trying to regain her strength. Once during training she had been thrown to the floor, getting the wind knocked out of her. This felt much worse. Her entire body felt weak even as breaths filled her body.

She tried to push herself up, but her arms only shook and eventually gave out. The ground was cool against her face, but it felt good. It almost gave her relief, something to keep her mind off of the pain in her throat.

Dorrin was muttering something, but she couldn’t understand what he was saying. She looked up only to see Rhys staring down at her. “You know, this looks rather familiar,” he said slowly. “Ah, right, this is what your father looked like in his final moments.”

Akia lashed out. She jumped up, adrenaline coursing through her, and threw a punch at Rhys, one he easily dodged. A hot pain flashed across her face as he slapped her. It stung, but she recovered quickly. Desperate, she kicked out her foot, aiming at his stomach. But he easily caught it, twisted, and sent her tumbling to the ground.

“You might want to work on those fighting skills.” Rhys sneered. She wanted to see him hurt, see him suffer for what he said. Her father’s memory wasn’t something to just be thrown around.

“If you two are done, I’d like to get going,” Dorrin commented, sounding bored as ever. He wasn’t even watching them. Instead, he was staring down the alley that had led them here. “There are things that need to be done.”

“So you’re just going to give up?” Akia asked. “All of this happens and you’re going to let me go free?”

Dorrin chuckled. “Oh no, we have something in mind for you.” His gaze focused on her. She could see the anger in his eyes, the desire to eliminate anyone that stood in his way. At that moment, it happened to be her.

She wondered what they could possibly do. Rhys had ruined her life already and Dorrin had gotten his bit of torture in. They needed her alive to bring the magic out. The only solution she could come up with was for them to kidnap her and take her back with them. And she wasn’t going to let that happen.

Shaking, she pushed herself off the ground. She was weak, tired from what she had been put through. There wasn’t a bone in her body that felt able to fight. But she was going to do it. There was no way that she was going to let them succeed.

She glared at Dorrin. “I won’t let it happen. Whatever you have planned, expect a fight.” Dorrin didn’t react, but then a grin appeared on his lips and he started to laugh. She expected him to say something, but he still laughed. She shifted from one foot to the other.

“You, Ms. Akia Noyes, is going to fight me?” Dorrin pointed to himself and laughed some more. She couldn’t understand what was so funny. But soon the laugh disappeared and a shadow came across his face. “No one dares defy me. I can make you wish that you never stepped foot back in your old world. I can show you the real world, not that silly place you created to compensate for your destroyed world.

“Do you know what a real threat is? Have you ever felt completely out of control? I bet Phillip hasn’t taught you any of that.” He moved closer to her, one step at a time. She retreated with every passing step, but soon ran into a building, trapping her. “I bet he didn’t teach you how to take a defeat, or how to bow to your superiors. He taught you stupidity, arrogance, overconfidence. There are more powerful people out there than you.” He was so close now that she could smell his breath. It smelled of chicken that had been left out too long. She knew the smell well as her brother made the mistake one too many times at the noodle shop.

Neither of them moved for what felt like an hour. Akia was used to being on the offense, but this situation was different. She still didn’t know what Dorrin’s magic was. How could she fight when she didn’t know her opponent? And she had to be careful. She hadn’t known him for long, but she knew enough to fear him.

Before either one could act, Rhys spoke up. “It’s getting late. We still have to get back before…”

Dorrin nodded. “Ah, yes. There are more important things at hand aren’t there?”

There was a sudden gust of wind, throwing Akia back against the wall. It wasn’t far, but the force of the blow made her head throb. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, willing the pain to go away. It wouldn’t. Instead, she felt the air warm up to her right. Then she felt it to her left. When she opened her eyes, terror ran through her.

She was surrounded by flames, a threatening semi-circle, climbing nearly seven feet in the air. They connected to the wall on either side of her, but they didn’t burn the material. It felt like they were burning her, even though they were three giant steps away. The flames were much stronger than she had ever been around before. It was nothing she couldn’t handle though.

She envisioned a dark cloud above her, ready to burst. She’d experienced plenty of storms to know which clouds would produce the most water. But even as the image grew stronger in her mind, the rain never came. The cloud was there, gray, dark, threatening. It wasn’t enough. Her magic wasn’t responding; again.

The heat was starting to get to her. And without anything to combat the flames with or protect her, she’d soon have nothing left. She felt as if she had a terrible fever, one that kept running and hadn’t broke.

She looked up to see Dorrin walking toward her. He stalked right through the flames followed by Rhys, neither one seemingly affected by the fire. It didn’t make sense. The fire was very much real, yet the two of them passed through without a simple singe of their clothes.

“If you’re not going to cooperate,” Dorrin started. “We’ll just have to find our own means.” He stopped, but Rhys stomped over directly to Akia. She stood up straighter, planning to stop him, but she didn’t have much energy to do anything. She raised her fists as if to fight, but Rhys grabbed her wrists and held them tight. Every inch of her body fought against him, but she had no strength left.

The heat had reached her head and her vision turned blurry. When she blinked it would clear, but fog up once again quickly. Her head felt like it was being squashed, like someone was pushing down on her. Her stomach churned. If she didn’t do something soon, she’d pass out.

And then Sam was there. She saw him standing not far from her, a look of shock on his face. At first she thought it was a hallucination, but then he pulled Rhys off of her and sent him flying into Dorrin. The two men fell to the ground and the fire disappeared. Akia swayed and fell into Sam’s arms. He had transported back.

She coughed. “You have the best timing.”

“Good thing I came back when I did,” he responded. “Now let’s get out of here.”

-------------------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,850

Comments & reviews · 5
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TimmyJake
Review
TimmyJake wrote a review Review · May 31, 2015

I AM HERE.

And I'm so sorry. >> I never should have stopped reviewing this book, even with my world crashing around me. xd Things were busy, so I wimped out, but I'm here now. And I'm going to work my way through, reviewing them aaaall. Since I'm having issues trying to find a good place to begin, I'll just jump right into critique and let everything else fall into place. :3

One thing in particular that jumped out at me while I read through was the redundancy - particularly in one part, where they're talking about magic. It seemed as though every sentence had magic in it, and just continuing on and on. I'd bet there were five to tehn instances of in the segment that had the redundancy.

She looked passed him and back at the crater.


^^ That paragraph. Maybe when you go through editing, you can look through and see how you can reshape the sentences, taking out a few instances of the word?
That was the only instance of redundancy I saw, besides those Livvy already grabbed~

You, Ms. Akia Noyes, is going to fight me?


You is going to fight me? To me, that reads all wrong. >> Perhaps are is more correct.

One thing I'm curious about here is why oh why does it seem like Dorrin is in charge? While reading through all previous chapters, I had thought it was Rhys - in his movements, in the other's acknowledgement of that. I am running off a four month memory, so I may be mistaken here. xD But it really did seem like Rhys was not in command. In this, Dorrin seemed like he held the authority in everything he did, ordering Rhys around and talking as though he was the one conquering the worlds and not him helping Rhys. Perhaps he has his own goals that merely go with Rhys'? Hm, I'll have to re-read some of the older chapters to bring some of the memories back. No matter if it's correct or not, this chapter does read to me as Dorrin being in command. Not sure if that's an issue or not, though. :p

This chapter was probably your best yet that I've read. >> So much so that I don't know what else to say besides to tell you I thought this was amazing. And have I mentioned how much I love that your dialogue chapters are never true dialogue? They're beautiful! Usually, I'm bored when characters get into bouts of talking because they never seem to stop and drone on and on without anything else happening. But this chapter was a perfect blend of dialogue, action and internal thought. And I loved it. I wasn't bored at all by the dialogue, and everything flowed together just like it was supposed to. Even your dialogue tags lent to this piece and how it read. xd

I'm still working my way into your book, so I apologize for the short review. They will become longer as I work my way back into reviewing and your book. :3
~Darth Timmyjake

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Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2015

Hi Noelle!

I am going to try and review a couple more of these chapters before review day is out. And it looks like I am in store for a lot of fun. I think I wanted to know a bit more about the villains in this chapter and that didn't happen. However, I am definitely NOT disappointed because I am so happy you didn't fall into the cliche where the bad guys end up revealing their entire plan for no good reason so it is easy for the good people to escape and then foil it. So kudos to you for avoiding that completely. I also like how Akia and Rhys had that conflict going on when it came to talking about her father. I did expect that to come in at some point, so I am glad that it did ^^ I was surprised that Sam popped up, but I should've known better than to think that he would desert his best friend like that.

I don't really have too many plot points that I think could use improving here. I think you did everything fairly well. The dialogue flowed smoothly, there was an advance on the plot and every more mystery being shrouded on who Dorrin is and where exactly he has come from. I wonder if the plan they initially had going will still work now that Akia is no longer there.

A single, utterly crazy plan took over. “How’d you get the magic in there?” If she could feign interest, she might be able to delay the inevitable.


I felt like the beginning sentence was a bit of an overreaction to what she was doing. I know Akia had no other plan but to keep feigning interest and keep them talking. That doesn't sound like an utterly crazy plan to me, but more so I think words like desperate and last chance would come to mind. Maybe play it up that Akia has played all her cards so she has nothing left but to try and prolong their talking instead. I just thought the descriptors didn't quite match what she was doing.

She looked passed him


I think you meant past instead 'passed.'

Magic, no matter that kind, had a way of finding other magic.


I think this should be 'no matter the kind.'

Rhys was at her throat in a flash. He wrapped his hands around her throat


This was good and I liked the whole battle scene but I would rephrase it so there is no repetition of the word throat. Maybe say he was at her side in a flash and then grabbed her throat after that?

Her entire body felt weak even as breaths filled her body.


Again I am going to be mentioning the close repetition here. I would change it up so that we have her becoming 'she' instead and then structuring the sentence there. My suggestion: She felt herself weaken even as breaths filled her body.

It almost gave her relief, something to keep her mind off of the pain in her throat.


I would recommend making the comma here a colon instead, to avoid it hinting at a comma splice.

I can show you the real world, not that silly place you created to compensate for your destroyed world.


And finally just a quick comment on close repetition again. We have two uses of the word 'world' but I am sure the second one could become 'one' instead. It would make the sentence continue to have the same effect as before as well.

Overall a great chapter where you managed to avoid cliches as well. I can't say anything bad about it! I will keep on reading as I am feeling things starting to heat up.

Deanie x

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Holysocks
Comment
Holysocks commented Comment · Mar 16, 2015

Hey! :-P

I don't really have a review for this chapter... but I have some contemplating to do, so bare with me! x)

I don't know why it has taken me so long to finally comment on this, but I'm curious about the world thing now. Of course, the title is Across Worlds and Lightport and Agathi are referred to as 'worlds'. I just find this interesting. I've always pictured Agathi and Lightport as cities, or countries... more like cities, since there aren't any towns or cities that appear to be under them. But they're worlds. And I'm wondering if 'world' is like their word for 'city' or something. Or perhaps I didn't get what you had said originally.

When you described Falyn and her day dreams about Lightport, there was the river. Obviously, it's a bit odd for worlds to be separated by a river ( I like it though )... but when they said that they could see the buildings of Pollum ( I think that's what they call it in Agathi, right? ) from Agathi... so is there some sort of allusion, or I suppose magic that allows them to see the other world across the river? And that's why they aren't allowed to cross the river, because a) they can't, and b) if they could get through they would just fall past the allusion?

I don't think it's that, exactly, because that's how the team got to Lightport... but, hmm.

Dorrin is still bored as ever. You gotta like his boredom. Also; nice save by Sam! I mean, even Akia needs some help sometimes.

Awsomeness, Noelle! :3

-Socks

Noelle replied · Mar 17, 2015

Thanks for these questions because it totally helps me know what information is missing or totally not clear. It's a great help :)

Ultimately, each world is a city. The people are the ones that decided to call them worlds instead. Each one is inhabited a different group of people with different powers. Everyone feels that their powers divide them, as if they were in a completely different world.

There's a lot more going on in Agathi that I haven't even tapped into yet. Yes, there's an illusion that Pollume is still standing, still the world that holds the people that "wronged" the mages. It's all an illusion that everything outside of Agathi is peachy perfect. Which it isn't :3 I was planning on adding in more description of Agathi and what life is like there, but I ended up falling into the story of the characters rather than necessarily what was going on around them. (it's amazing how quickly I can get off track in this... xD)

Editing is going to be so much fun -_- hehe

Good to know! :-P I'm glad things like that are sometimes helpful, 'cause sometimes I honestly don't know what to critique anymore! xP

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AdmiralKat
Review
AdmiralKat wrote a review Review · Mar 6, 2015

Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review but it's not any ordinary review! It's a green room review! I'm super pumped but sad that I'm about to finish what you have written. I wouldn't be able to read after you have all those dang cliffhangers. ;( GOSH DARN IT! I will have to suffer through those now. Anyways, let us see what we have right here...

I just wanted to discuss sentence structure here because you have changed a little bit in your style so far. I think that you have come a long way from your original sentence structure where I may have wanted to rip my eyes out(but not so much if it were from those people who create very poorly structured stories). You have been doing your sentence structure really well lately but I've seen some scenarios where you try to create an effect by starting a sentence with but or and and it doesn't really work in my case when I'm reading it. It instead just stops me from enjoying the story as much as is like tripping over a tiny pebble. I'm not trying to tell you OH NO! I hate everything about your story. I just trying to say that some of the sentence structure could be improved. Ands and buts are for connecting sentences not starting them. Also there are those moments where there are some random fragments or weirdly structured sentences so you might want to fix that when you look through your piece.

You seem to have a lot of perfect timing... This really isn't that realistic of the characters to come right at the precise moment when another character needs help. I'm just saying... It doesn't make that much sense. If they keep coming at the right time, the characters will start to except the characters to come at the right time... JUST SAYING(How many times have I said that in these reviews? 50? I though so)

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

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SpiritedWolfe
Review
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review Review · Mar 2, 2015

Hey, Noelle!

Look at me being extremely punctual :D

So, I'm going to do that comment and read thingy, and my first huge confusion is did Dorrin put the magic in there? In the beginning of this part, it totally appears so, but if you recal several chapters back when Seth was first brough to Rhys, Dorrin had said he had found and that he'd spent months looking for the source (something along those lines), so he couldn't have created it, could he? Maybe clear his up some, that Akia believes he did it but it was natural? Because if it was done manually, Rhys would have won looooooooong ago.

If possible, his grin grew.


If possible, make a U-turn. ;) This sounds more like a suggestion. Like Akia is mentally suggesting Dorrin to make his grin grow wider. I think you're missing a couple words. Or a phrase. Somewhere in there to suggest that it somehow grew even if it isn't possible.

And what's with all your character grinning? What are they so happy about that they have to grin? Can't they smirk? Sneer? Smile? Snigger/snicker? Beam? Anything else that involves the lips curling in an upward motion to resemble content and or happiness? I mean, my characters grin a lot too, but I've actually started noticing. Maybe change up how you say it some. Change the wording. Add some freshness.

And I've successfully rambled about grinning, but I've made my point.

Alright, I don't quite understand the part where Akia snaps about her father. He said that Rhys didn't want to fight him so he knocked him down? That didn't make very much sense to me. We've seen bits of the memory before, but we still don't know what actually happened, I don't think. He was captured, wasn't he? And just killed? Maybe add in something about how Rhys took the easy way out in assassinating him rather than going in a fair fight, if I understand it correctly.

So, I see you've noticed the inconstancy I pointed out last chapter, but it's gone back to Akia know she's safe because they need her. Just point it out incase it wasn't changed last part xD

I can make you wish ... in your old world. I can ... real world, not that silly ... destroyed world.


I feel like a cinema sins narrator xD Oh look, the word world was used three times in the span of two sentences! (Minor repetition xD)

I've never been so happy to see Sam. Literal perfect timing... Which makes me skeptical. How? How does it take him so long that he doesn't show up until the literal absolute last minute? Just for suspense doesn't cut it, so you better think of a pretty darn good reason xD

Anyways, I'm super excited for the next part! This was really awesome, despite my minor shredding. :3 You better get this next part up soon!

Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~



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— manilla