Akia tried to stay awake and listen to more of the conversations, but she didn’t have enough strength anymore. For the third time, she succumbed to the darkness that swallowed her.
The fight went on for hours. Akia wasn’t happy sitting back and watching with the rest of the kids at the top of the hill. She wasn’t a kid anymore. Fourteen years old was old enough to snag a job in the city. And she was looking for one too. She had spend three years working rounds as a Royal Guard. It was time to start focusing on a real job.
Now the closest friend that she ever had growing up was attacking the world she had grown up in.
Rhys had had enough with the authority. He was ready to make his own world, to steal the powers that made everyone jealous of him. That was all in his words. Akia still felt that he was an idiot, that he should’ve given in to the authority and found his own place. But he didn’t listen to her.
The day that they had had their argument two years ago was the last time they had talked. He disappeared after that day, nowhere to be found. Akia had snuck into a few of the meetings that King Jacob had to hear if there was any news from Agathi. There never was. Her hopes were crushed each time.
“Think we’re gonna win?” a small boy sitting next to her asked. He looked to be about a year younger than her. His brown hair was tangled in a mess by his shoulders. “My dad is down there. If he ever crosses paths with Rhys, he’ll beat the crap out of him. Then probably kill him.” He added the last part with a shrug, as if it didn’t matter to him if Rhys died or not. It made Akia furious.
“What’s your name?” she asked, her voice shaking with anger. She had to clench her fists to keep herself from punching the boy in the face.
“Sam.”
“Well, Sam,” she said, a fake smile plastered on her face. “I hate you.” Without another word, she turned back to look at the war going on below. It seemed as though nothing was happening, but she could hear the screams from those fighting. The trees toppled over the village, hiding the buildings from sight.
It wasn’t long before a figure started running up the hill. Everyone straightened, hoping to see who it was that had come. Akia was thrilled when she saw the familiar black hair and brown eyes.
“Dad!” she cried out, running towards him. Relief flooded through her while she hurried forward, but it completely disappeared once she saw the look on his face. His eyes were full of sorrow and his face was sullen. “What happened, Daddy?”
“I have orders to send you away,” Kit said in a strong voice despite his face. “All of you. King Jacob declared that the children must survive. There is no other way to keep our existence alive.”
“You’re coming with us, right?” Akia asked.
Kit continued on, ignoring his daughter. “The man behind me, Phillip, will lead you across the border into Pollume. The world has been abandoned. That’s where we’ll start our new life.”
“But you’re coming with us, right?” Akia asked again, more forcefully. Kit’s eyes flickered to his daughter, but he didn’t say anything.
A younger man came over the crest of the hill. Akia guessed that it was Phillip. He looked no more than a day over twenty-five. But the way he stood and looked them all over like they were soldiers, she knew that he was much older than that.
Her father gave some more orders, but she wasn’t paying attention; she was too worried about where the rest of her family was. She could hear Sam behind her, talking like he was the boss of the group. He was getting more on her nerves by the second.
“Phillip will take good care of you guys,” Kit said, wrapping up the conversation. “The rest of the magicians will be along in the matter of a few days. Your parents will be safe, don’t you worry.”
He nodded to Phillip who shouted, “Let’s move out!” After the kids started following Phillip, Akia ran passed him to her father.
“Where’s mom?” she asked desperately.
Kit sighed and knelt down in front of his daughter, hands on her shoulders. “Your mother and I will be fine. And so will Aidan. We’re strong magicians, Akia, we can take care of ourselves. Now it’s your turn to take care of yourself. Can you do that for me?” Akia nodded slowly, tears welling up in her eyes. “Great. Make friends with that Sam kid. He’s a good boy.”
“I don’t like him,” she said, sniffling.
Kit chuckled. “You’ll make friends no problem. Just pick a good house for us, yeah? We’ll be together before you know it.”
But Akia wasn’t listening anymore. The color drained from her face as her father turned around and came face to face with Rhys. The boy looked exactly as he had the last time she had seen him. He looked around her father to catch her gaze. Her heart leapt when their eyes met.
“You should go, Akia,” he said, his voice serious and low. “This isn’t the place for you.”
Akia gasped, the memory once again disappearing in a black cloud. She wasn’t sure that she could stand any more memories. It was hurting her too much.
Finally, she was able to open her eyes. Somehow she had gained enough power to lift her eyelids. Once she looked around, she highly regretted it. There was a bright light directly above her, stinging her eyes.
She immediately squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to see anymore. The pain was still there, taking over and rendering her body useless. She might as well just give in. So she shut her eyes and let herself slip back into the land of memories.
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For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,011
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137,884 Literary Works • 672,070 Reviews
Hello! KatyaElefant here with yet another review! It's really hard for me to review these chapters because they are really well written, they are short and I'm kind off tired but I'll try to review these to the best of my ability. Let us see what we have right here... Oh and before I start, it's okay to argue! It helps to make me a stronger reviewer so I know what the author of the story wants to see in their reviews for their stories.
I do see these flashbacks are all in this one chapter and it's really kind off repetitive. I wish you had spread these flashbacks out more in between chapters so that there was more of a mysterious sort of feeling from all of them. You can clearly see from the lengths of the parts of the chapters that it seems to almost have something missing from it. Like if you could transition from Akia's point of view to Sam's point of view and what he may be thinking.
I'm laughing so much right now. Just I am imagining Akia looking at Sam with her nice and fake smile and saying I hate you. Then I imagine Sam's reaction where Akia turns away and he's just standing there with his mouth gaping open. I love how Akia's dad is just telling her to make friends with someone who she just declared that she despises. OH YOU WANTED TO HATE THEM? TOO BAD!
I like these flashbacks into the past to kind off show the history that the characters have and to build some character development so you feel a lot more attached to the characters. The innocence that is expressed is very nice. I love your writing style(with the exception of the sentence fragments).
Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant
Timmy here!
This will be a short review because I am tired, and I don't know what to say because everyone has already covered so much of what I would say. Gah, life is tough being the last reviewer, but I will try to get something decent in these last yawning moments.
Let's go.
I will say that I am not a big fan of how you do all these flashbacks. Okay, let me rephrase that statement. I am not a big fan of where you place them in your writing. I have been following this girl, Akia, for over twenty chapters, and only now do you start throwing in the last bits of her life? Now there is that to think of, that you have only started to give us her past story at this stage in the book, but there is another thing to think about. You have just brought this story to a screeching standstill, and for a long time. While memories and bringing in her past life to educate the reader is extremely important and builds the character so much more in our eyes, I think you should spread these visions over the space of twenty chapters. Especially when you consider that you have two or more characters that will need to have these flashbacks, your book will really come to a standstill if you start inserting them all at one time. And we don't come to a stop for so long, either. And I don't think it's like Akia to zone out for so long. She is a go get 'em! type of girl, no matter the circumstances. And besides, you need to give us this info spread out over several chapters and possibly a hundred pages. Think of Rick Riordin and his second series of books, the Heroes of Olympus. He has quite a bit of back story to feed to his readers, and each character gets to share it with us, but he doesn't give it to us all at one time. Think of it like a very rich dessert. Give us a little bit, and it's a wonderful thing. But overdoing it will make us not want anymore, and we won't even be interested in food for a long while (food being your story). So I would say take the visions a little farther apart, and more story in-between.
And that was the strangest example I have given in a while. xD
As for the story, you have it all down pat. Sam's attitude as a younger kid is awesome and very endearing to me. And I love Akia's response. Actually, this whole piece in general is extremely well written. When I began this novel, there were some stylistic things that needed to be tweaked and exercised. The beginning style does not mirror this style you have now. The book has grown to the level of amazing. I love how the characters are all so powerful and yet weak at the same time. I love how the plot is deep and yet simple enough for us weak mortals to understand. I love that your style gives us enough description to see everything clearly, but not enough to clog your pace down with needless riff raff. In short, this is amazing.
I have nothing else left to say. Heading onto the next chapter now.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hey Noelle!
I sure find these flashbacks interesting. It's kind of endearing hearing about Sam in his pre-teenish years- and Akia finding him annoying! Gee, Noelle... now I want to find out how it ended up being friendship! Of course, we know they'll be friends, cause you know, her father told her to.
Fourteen and she's already moving on from being a royal guard?! My goodness, it must not be as big a job as it sounds... or maybe this world just really works hard... like really hard. They don't have child labour rules, perhaps.
Actually, I like this idea of a busy, smart, young world... it kind of feels like how I think our world is going to end up... minus the magic. With all the stuff people are shoving into kids heads these days, I think it would end up something similar, maybe.
I'm curious as to what other sort of job Akia was thinking as a real job. Did she expect to be hunting down Falyn for a living? Or was that kind of a one-chance kind of gig?
Sorry, I guess that I'm kind of rambling... but honestly, it's because I can't think of anything that I needs pointing out! So I have time to just give you my thoughts on what's happening. XD
I'm trying to remember, but I think it was Akia's father who got killed right in front of her by... Rhys, I believe? It's just interesting that you'd have another flashback with her father and Rhys there. I'm not sure why, it's just almost like Akia knew ( subconsciously ) that Rhys would kill her father.
Actually, I don't really like the part where Akia's father tells her to make friends with Sam... Please don't mind me saying that it seems a bit cliché. Not overly, just a bit.
Anyway, like I said; that was a very insightful flashback, I think... and I'm wondering where Akia is... I shall find out, I guess. >.>
Keep it up Noelle! I believe in you!!!
-Socks
Hi there Noelle!
The chapters are only getting better and better! From what I presumed was a slow beginning with awkward flow, this has morphed into something wonderful with a plot that always keeps me on the edge of my chair and wondering what could possibly happen next. Right now I love how we are getting filled in on Akia's past. It would be nice to have a break in chapter from Falyn's point of view next so we are not simply sitting here getting overwhelmed by flashbacks. But otherwise, I can't get enough of these chapters of late <3 Excuse this review being a bit short, but there isn't too much to comment on!
Happy review day!
Wow, what a brilliant chapter, once again! You really aren't making any of these easier for us to review, which is what I love about this novel
I think you mean 'spent' instead of 'spend.'
Everyone was jealous of Rhys? What I thought it was, was that seeing as his powers had been taken from him, he was the one who was jealous of everyone else's powers. So maybe you mean steal back the powers that he was so jealous of? If not, I must've gotten the wrong hand somewhere and it needs to be explained better in previous flashbacks?
Hm, I am a little dubious here. Would they really have the children so close to the fray and fight itself? Yes, they have been trained, but the did say that they wanted the children to be safe. I do imagine their is a safe haven in Lightport or something. I can understand how you would need the children close enough to the fight to make this chapter work. A possibility could be mentioning that their army had been retreating and were now very close to the children shelter, and determined to do something Akia had run outside, with Sam on her heels or something. That way the children would end up close enough to the fight to have all the interaction going on. Otherwise, it's seem suspicious to put the youngsters so near to the obvious danger.
I wonder if Rhys would actually tell her she might want to look away? Does he still care a little bit for Akia? Because if he is supposed to hate her by now, which I am assuming he is meant to, maybe he should be wanting her to watch. Wanting her to see the pain she is about to cause her in revenge to her pushing him away beforehand. It just seemed out of character for this new found cruel Rhys to be a little bit merciful by saying look away...
Yay! We got to see a young Sam who seems a bit ahead of his heels, come to think of it. It's like Sam and Akia have swapped places as they've grown up, seeing as Akia is the one who gives out the orders nowadays xD I know Sam wasn't the main part of the dream, but it would've been nice to see a bit more of him. I mean, how would another teenager reply to someone they barely know saying they hate you when you don't know the reason why? I wanted to know his reaction!
There is nothing more to say. Your chapters surprise me and make me fall in love with this story. Keep up this awesome story line. You're doing great in the contest and I can't wait to see whatever you have planned next. Keep me updated!
Deanie x
Hello, Noelle. Wolf here for a review.
Gah, this one too! >.< You have to go and make everything difficult, don't you. Not going to be much critique in this, so sorry if that's what you're looking for. Really, there isn't too much to critique on. Akia is reliving moments of her past and we're just learning. About her. About what makes her tick. Why she does what she does. So much to know, so little time.
You're making this really difficult for me to hate Rhys. I want to love him. He needs to be loved, and even here shows that he still has some compassion for Akia (if that's the right term), but no. You have to make him out as the villain. HE JUST NEEDS TO HE LOVED.
That slipped xD seriously though. This is a really great tactic for writers to have. In the beginning you really draw out Rhys' deviousness and show him all evil-like, but then you take it back and show the more innocent side of him that Akia
is in love withadmired. They were friends! Friends! Maybe Rhys can come back to the good side...? :3Overall everything is pulling together. The backstory is catching up with the future and whoa is it dramatic. I am curious to find out what made Rhys snap? Here is kind of shows that Rhys still wants to try to be a friend to Akia, but he did kill her dad. What made him change? WHY IS RHYS SO LOVABLE?
Gah! Making me so torn. (Zalyn needs to soooooo happen.) Speaking of which, I hope you return to Fayln's point of view soon? :3 I want to knows these things. Please. Danke. This is just so amazing, and it can branch out in so many ways! Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare
Hey Noelle, Knight r4 here to review this work! Another short part I see... Oh well, at least the chapter has come to an end.
I look forward to reviewing it! Sorry for being so late. 
If it's any consolation to you I am doing this review while on vacation. 
What does Sam mean by we? It sounds as if Sam assumes that Akia is on his side. He also acts as if there is some fight or contest going on, but at the time, Ryhs is nowhere to be found.This sentence is a little haphazard. I would also make the antecedent more clear. It is rather confusing to discern was it is with the way the sentence is worded.
0-0 Will there be more memories to come. Or is this just more of a figurative thing? I thought that this would be the end of the memories. I mean it would be nice to advance the plot line
Overall I liked this entire chapter (not just this part) and this part was almost error free.
Aahhh! Same as the last part! This is too perfect for me to review! I want more!!