Akia
They sat against the wall in the hallway of the infirmary, watching the nurse bustle around in the room Akia had occupied. Hopefully no one else would have to use that room. She hadn't realized when she was in there, but she had been placed in the magical injuries room. No one should ever need to use that room. She didn't want to see anyone else suffer like she had.
They sat in silence, Akia and her estranged brother. She didn’t know what to say and she could tell that he wasn’t going to be the first one to speak up.
She turned to look at her brother. He had the same strong chin and hungry eyes that he always did. Even when they were kids, he looked like someone you wouldn’t want to mess with. He looked like he could back up his tough exterior more now that he was all grown.
“How old are you now?” There were so many more questions that she wanted to ask him, but that was the first to come out of her mouth.
“Thirty-one.” Aidan replied. “You?”
“Eighteen.”
He shook his head and smiled. “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown. It feels like just yesterday I was holding you in my arms after Mother delivered you. You were all bloody and mangled. But the nurse cleaned you up and you looked beautiful even from that moment.”
Akia shuddered at the thought. “Did you really have to go back to that? Ick. I don’t like hearing about that stuff.”
Aidan laughed. “It’s the way of life, Sis. People have kids.”
“Yeah, but those kid’s siblings don’t usually describe in detail what happened once they were birthed.” She had meant it in a serious manner, but it only made Aidan laugh. It bothered her at first, but it soon became quite infectious. Before she could stop herself, she was laughing too; a light, carefree laugh that she hadn’t heard in years.
How was it that Aidan was able to do this to her? Make her feel like she was just a regular kid? She knew that she wasn’t, but being around him made her feel like training and fighting and magic was all just a dream; that she had no responsibilities. He made her feel like there was a life out there worth living.
She rested her head on his shoulder. Despite all of the trouble they both had caused over the years, they were siblings. And siblings looked out for each other.
It was in that moment that Akia wanted to tell her brother what was bothering her, everything that was on her mind. She didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone else. Sam was an option, but he wouldn’t know what to say to make her feel better. Phillip was the same way. Not to mention he’d probably find some way to link it back to their fight against Rhys. He always was the sensible one when it came to the overall goal. Akia understood that it was important to get back control of the worlds, but at some times it just wasn’t right to talk about it.
She wanted to tell Aidan about her struggles in Agathi. She wanted to tell him about how close she and Sam had become. She wanted to tell him about how she was starting to feel like Falyn’s sister. She wanted to tell him how Rhys had become extra vicious over the years.
She sighed and leaned her head back against the wall. When had this gotten so complicated? Everything was fine in the beginning. Phillip had gotten them together four years ago. It was a small group of kids that he’d chosen, most of them being refugees from the battle in Vertfay. She remembered him telling them that they were the best hope as they had yet to reach their magical limit and he was going to help them get there.
Akia had quickly become Phillip’s second in command. She was the most experienced in magic after all. Being in the king’s guard required a lot of training and a high skill in magic. So she ended up helping to train the other kids, including Sam and George who ultimately ended up being her best friends.
George. She wondered if he was still around. She smiled to herself. Of course he was. He wasn’t about to leave the fight. He was possibly the only other kid in Lightport that cared about it as much as she did.
“So,” Aidan started, staring at the tiled floor. “What’s my little sis been up to?”
Akia rolled her eyes. “Stop calling me little sis. You know I hate it.” He simply shrugged. She wanted an apology, but it would have to do for now. “I’ve been protecting the worlds from Rhys, that’s what.”
He turned to look at her. “You mean, you’re part of them?” Akia had no idea who the ‘them’ was that her brother was referring to, but she assumed that he meant Phillip. She nodded.
“I actually share duty with Phillip,” she explained. “He’s the one in charge, but I'm his second in command. It's a pretty cool job.”
Aidan nodded. “I always knew you’d do big things. No one becomes a king’s guard at the age of twelve.”
Akia blushed. “Really, it was no big deal. King Jacob was looking for younger guards. He said if he had kids defending him, people might think twice before attacking. Stupid idea, really, but it got me a job.”
“And you did such a good job at it.”
“Oh, shut up, Aidan,” she snapped. “You weren’t even there for it. You were off doing whatever you were doing.”
He smiled and shook his head. “You forget. I was once a king’s guard myself. I still had connections. Believe it or not, Sis, I knew a lot more about what you were up to than you think.”
Akia looked at him and couldn’t help but smiling. They were finally together, finally the brother sister tandem that she had always dreamed of. Aidan might have not been the best brother growing up, but there was always time to change that. And despite the age difference, he seemed to be the same brother she had always remembered.
Just as she was about to ask him what he’d been up to, she saw Phillip walking down the hall towards them. She quickly stood and dusted off her clothes.
“Hello, Phillip,” she said.
“Good to see you up and moving around,” he responded, smiling down at her. “That was a quick recovery.”
“Aidan did it, Sir,” she said. “He healed me.”
Phillip raised his eyebrows and looked down at Aidan. “You healed her?”
“Yes.” He responded.
“How?”
“A simple spell, really,” Aidan explained. “A transfer spell. I took the energy and dispersed it into the air.”
“Where’d you learn that?” Phillip asked. Akia could tell that his questions were genuine. Phillip knew a lot about magic, but he didn’t know everything. She hadn’t heard of it either.
Aidan shrugged. “Just around.” He stood and extended his arm. “I’m Aidan by the way. Son of—"
“Kit Noyes,” Phillip said. “Yeah, I know. Your father was one of the greatest. I fought beside him.”
Akia felt tears welling up in her eyes at the mention of her father’s name. It had been three long years since the deed was done. But no matter how many weeks and months passed, she couldn’t forget about him. She would give anything to have him back again.
He was the only person who ever believed in her. When she made the announcement at school, back when she was nine years old, that she was going to apply to become a king’s guard, everyone laughed at her; her friends, her teachers. Even her mother was less than excited.
A young girl should be learning helpful magic. She used to say to Akia. Not magic used to kill good men.
I never did kill a good man. Akia thought. She had never killed a man in her life. Once she had to disarm a man who was threatening King Jacob, but that involved only minor injuries.
Kit was always supportive. He helped her train with every free second he had. He taught her how to use the right spells and how to use a knife. Not that knives would come in handy, as most fighting was done with magic, but he said it would help build character.
Knowing and respecting a weapon is knowing and respecting the consequences.
He used to tell her that all the time. And it would remain in her brain until the day life left her body and she could join her father.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...
Why would Akia be the only one who was put in a room like that? There are plenty of people in that world that you have depicted and I bet that many people have been affected by magical spell everyday. That would only make sense because people with magic would probably take advantage of their powers, make them stronger and then they could attack people with these powers. Then these powers could vary a lot(though I still am confused on what type of magics there are) and some people could be affected by what Akia was affected by or something similar. So I think that other people HAVE suffered like her and there should be other people in that room because most likely there would be people just like her.
Aww! Like this family type of relationship that has been created between all these characters. It is so cute. They have the people who are love interests and the we got the brothers and sister and then we have the mentors(or moms and dads). It's all really amazing, the way that you describe it.
Ah. The suspicion that is created when Aidan says that he just learned that magic at some point. I mean no one has to know. It was just learned at some point. I don't like how Aidan's and Akia's names are so similar. I keep getting them messed up. Why did you have to do that? I can actually see some irony how their names are similar but their personalities seem to be completely different.
So I want to know some more things about Kit. He seems to be a character that is from the past but who is really important. You just kind off cast him to the side and you don't include many details about him but I feel like he needs to be shown a little bit more.
Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant
Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.
So the first thing that strikes me when I'm reading is how Akia notices that she was placed in a special room. I don't see the significance in that. What makes the room so special? Weren't there other people in the same area as she? If I recall correctly when Falyn came down at least. For some reason just her mentioning makes me raise question about this special room for magical care. Maybe it's just me.
Wow, I never realized how quickly this all escalated in a timespan of four years. For some reasons I thought that this extended as far back as before Falyn was born, since there the whole spiel about Rhys having an elixir or life. But then how did they know to hide Falyn since she was young? Or was she even that young when they hid her? All these questions suddenly raise to mind. Could it be possible that Falyn had her memory wiped and she was put in the care of whoever that man in Agathi was? Hmm...
One thing I find sort of interesting is that Akia sort of refers to her father as Kit in her thoughts instead of just her dad. Nothing really big, but it still actually tells a lot. Maybe Akia see it that calling him Kit is easier than dad because its more void. Or maybe she respects him a whole lot more than most people do their parents. Maybe it was completely unintentional xD
Once again, I have no other critique. Your chapters just continue to get better and better and you've grown so much since the begin. It's crazy. Well, time to learn more! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~
Timmy here
This will probably be a short review, because there isn't much for me to say here. The chapter is amazing, just like those before it, and answers a lot of questions I had and asks quite a few more The reviewers below have done a very thorough job with everything, so I don't even know if I can find anything to nitpick, but I will try to keep this review at least a modest length before signing off.
While I know it's difficult to keep avoid redundancy with things like this, where there aren't really any words you could substitute to avoid re-using the same word over and over, I think you should try and weed out at least two of the redundant room. I spotted four of them within four sentences, which is too many and too close together. Small nitpick, but one that will catch readers.
I understand why you used did at the end of this sentence... but she hasn't seen him in years - a good many years, I believe. So it seems strange for her to be saying did like she saw him with that everyday. I would say to use had, but then it would jar with the first had in the sentence, and gaah! Why can't things be more simple. <.<
Just like you wouldn't capitalize dude in the middle of a sentence, I think "sis" shouldn't be... right? I am not entirely sure for that one. The last time I tried correcting capitalization like this case would be almost a year ago - my first review. Shows you how I avoid it.
You don't do this as often as you used to, but I still find it slipping in-between your sentences there. So, you shouldn't have that in this case because the sentence reads just fine without it. In fact, it seems much smoother to me. :/ Like I said, you don't have this as often as you used to, but I do find an occasional superfluous word in these pieces. Not a big deal. Just when you get around to editing, read the chapters out loud. I find it really helps me find the awkward spots and the words that don't add anything at all.
Were they not the same distance apart in age before? O.O
I have been holding back for a long time with this, because it didn't feel right for me to say it, but now... Well, now I just feel like speaking my mind. I hate his name with a fierce passion. Well, maybe not that bad. But placed alongside your other names, some so wild and wonderful and all of them really unique and fitting to character, this name seems rather bland. Jacob just seems a tad boring. I hope you didn't take that as mean at all.
Comma instead of a period, mesa thinks.
So did Calvin's dad. hehe
This chapter was just amazing. I love the addition of her brother, a new character but one we have heard about for a few chapters now. He seems like a good person, except he also seems quite forgetful of many things. Well, perhaps more neglectful. Like how he was never there for Akia. Getting info on her from the king's guards isn't quite the same. :/ At least he was doing that, though. I think you kept this all in character here, and Akia was doing good. I am sooo happy you didn't kill her off, even though it seemed almost certain that it would happen. You mean author. <.< You knew we were going to assume she was going to die, and then right when we assumed she was going to expire (hee-hee like milk, eh?), you threw in the brother and he healed her. Not only do I think that is a great way to kick-start a good relationship between the brother and sister, it was also an excellent way to heal Akia without making it seem like you just "conveniently" made it happen whatever way you wished. So I like that, and I am happy that Akia is still breathing. Otherwise, the story would have been that much less exciting, and she is one of my favorite characters because of her lovely attitude and never-give-up mentality.
Every chapter just gets better and better than the one before.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hey, again!
That's interesting that Akia feels like she's getting really close to Falyn ( and Falyn as well, I guess ), because I don't get the feeling that they're that close. I mean, only in the chapters following Falyn pushing Akia through the pellets has she been more attached to Akia, and I was actually quite surprised that Falyn was so emotional about Akia in the last few chapters. Sure, she should be upset because she almost killed someone that she was becoming friends with........ but Akia really never showed that much interest in Falyn other than the fact that they needed her in Light Port.I like that you're giving us a bit more back story about Akia's guard job, and in the previous chapter as well ( about Zeke ). Questions are being answered! Even if they're just small questions, an answer is an answer. I feel like we're building up to something, like the end of the world is near! Even though nothing's really happened in the way of threatening Light Port- other than them just knowing that Rhy's is coming. Anyway, I'm excited!
Perhaps, for next time, it would be a bit more believable if you showed Akia and Falyn warming up to each other more... maybe show them joking around together, or have Akia give Falyn advice about something or vice versa. Just something so we know what's happening in their relationship.
( I'm sorry if my rambling is making no sense at all )
I'm happy you told us about Akia and George being good friends, that was nice to know. I'm looking forward to hearing what they plan for stopping Rhy's. I'm not normally excited about chapters where the characters just sit down and plot ( maybe you have something else planned anyway... ) but this time I'm really curious how they figure they'll stop him. I shall find out!
Write on, Noelle, write on.
-Socks
Hey! Just realized I hadn't reviewed this yet. My busy schedule has been taking me away from YWS a lot lately, so I am pretty slow at getting to stuff, but I do get to it! Eventually...
Anyway, this chapter was fairly informative, especially since you've only really done something with Aidan, like, one other time. Am I right? There's too many chapters now to keep track of everything. Which is good! It's just that when we only read one like, every week or two. It can be hard to remember stuff. Well, on to the actual review. Something that does bother me, I know it sounds weird, is the fact that Aidan doesn't even call Akia by her name. I mean, Sis is all right, but I feel like you just overused that word. Another thing. I love r4p17's review, and I agree with it all! You are such an amazing writer and you've improved abundantly, like Deanie said, that it's hard to give this a proper review! One more thing. Well, actually two. The information you gave on their father is interesting, because we didn't know much about him before. Also, at the end, you have quotes from Akia's mother and father, but they're in italics. Why is that? Did you want to emphasize those or something? Otherwise, all they really need are quotation marks. On to the next part!
Hi Noelle!
For some reason, I always seem to be one chapter behind! Argh, I really want to be all caught up again :3
When it comes to reviewing your chapters, I find that each time I have less to say than before. You've been working so hard on this and it has developed so much from when I first read it. When we had the reminder of Akia's age, it reminded me of what a good decision you made to boost their age range a bit. That way you were also able to make more of a past for the characters as well. I wonder how much Akia knows of her brothers past, and how he was working for Rhys for a bit, seeing as their mother was being held hostage. I wonder how she would take it if she found out as well. For now though, I was content to see their relationship and the way they interacted with each other. We also got a clear section that was pretty much devoted to Akia's thoughts, which I enjoyed reading as well. It's so hard to pick faults in this work!
At the beginning of the chapter you start by saying that Akia noticed she was in the magical medical room, and she wishes no one else should ever be in that room. Which is completely understandable. But in her job and their line of work as in protecting these people, I wondered how common it is for people to find themselves in magical recovery area? Does it simply mean their injury was inflicted by magic, or it's too great an injury to simply be fixed with magic? I couldn't help wondering which one applied to this hospital.
Awkward wording here! I think switching positions of words and making minor tweaks could help you out. Here's my suggestion: He looked like he could back up his tough exterior more, seeing as he was all grown now.
You then use now in the next sentence and I would suggest you change that so there isn't close repetition of the simple word.
Why wasn't he the best brother ever back then? Yes, he was loved a lot by their parents, but it didn't seem like all of that went to his head. In the contrary, what I gathered from the chapter was that although her parent fussed a whole lot over him, he was always there for her when she needed him to be? I might've gotten the wrong end of the stick, but it's just what I gathered. If it's not supposed to be so, maybe that chapter needs a bit more editing so that it could bring across the hostility and distance a bit more? And maybe mention it here again to remind us of the situation.
On top of that, she says he is exactly how she remembers him, which can't be true! If it is, then there wouldn't be that close tandem she is currently feeling, because they certainly didn't feel that way before. Which, in my opinion, means there must be something different about either him or her. Maybe you could make it something like her mentioning how they've both grown, but is happy that they were able to connect easily again, like sister and brother always should do!
I really don't have anything more to say! I apologise for this being so short, but it was truly a great chapter. If the writing is going to be as this chapter, I honestly can't wait ^.^
Deanie x
Hey Noelle, Knight r4 here to drop in and give you a review! No LMSC? You don't have your usual thing at the bottom? 0-0 Anyways, I certainly hope this helps you! Now for the review!
I'm confused! What room are you talking about? The from that she was staying in? If so, how does staying in the same room make somone suffer?0-0 She must be really estranged form her brother if she doesn't even know how old she is!
Uh, yeah I was thinking the same thing! But would her brother really stand over her while she was being born? I mean I thought that the father/other children would wait somewhere else until the baby was born...
No! Don't trust him! Why do you have to be such a good writer?! One of these days I am going to break into your brain and tell your characters about all the secret plans you have for them and how to avoid them!
Hmm... I wonder who those connections are... let me guess: Rhys! How stupid are you, Akia!
Really?! How dare you! I knew you would pull something like that!
We knows, we knows! Shh! Don't tell the characters! I will!
So overall this was a good chapter! It finally got the plot moving again. I just disagree with your bellows. You are supposed to put action and character development in there, NOT suspense! I am going to make you pay some day! Even if the ending wasn't suspensful, you still didn't expose Aidan as the farce that he is! How dare you withhold that from us?! You are just too good of a writer! Now just take out the silence and substitute other things. Then I can say, happy writing!!!