Across Worlds - Chapter 18 Part 2

by Noelle

Published August 10, 2014

In Novel - Across Worlds (finished)

It had taken them so long to create the barrier that the guards had started to stir. Somehow Zeke had managed to knock them all out with one single attack. But now they were coming back; and it wouldn’t be pretty when they found out what was happening.

“Falyn, time stop, now.” Akia barked. She didn’t even turn to look at the girl. She kept her eyes trained ahead, her feet shoulder length apart, ready to fight if needed.

“Falyn,” came Zeke’s hard, intense voice. “We need you to do this. There isn’t much time.”

They were all turning to her, putting their trust in her to get them through this mess. Falyn wasn’t sure if she was ready for it. The whole journey had been based around the leadership of Akia and the strength of Zeke. Even Sam’s brains had come in handy. What did Falyn have to offer? All she had was a simple, stupid spell that could buy them more time.

But what if she couldn’t do it? Time was against them and she was their only hope. She had to relax her mind and body and focus solely on the time ticking away around them. What if it didn’t work that time? They couldn’t afford to hang around any longer.

Despite the noises around her, the harsh chirping of the birds, the roaring of the river, Akia and Sam’s whispers, she closed her eyes and started to focus.

At first there was nothing.

Maybe this will be easier than I imagined. She thought.

But then the fears started kicking in. At first it was the harsh sounding birds, flying around her head, circling her fatigued body. Then it was the barrier, pushing against her, the pellets slamming into her skin time and time again. Then it was Sam, his mangled body lying still on the ground covered in a radiating blue light; the pellets had gotten him too.

Her eyes flew open to see the same scene she had left behind; nothing had changed. It had all been in her mind. There were no vicious birds, no moving barrier, no dead Sam. Everything was fine.

When she moved her head slightly, she saw Zeke standing there with a concerned look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. She didn’t want to tell him. He’d just laugh anyway. He wouldn’t understand; none of them would.

“I—I can’t do it,” she managed to choke out. She knew it was the truth too. If those images came up every time that she closed her eyes, she wouldn’t be able to stay calm, ever.

She could hear Zeke trying to talk her into it, whispering words of encouragement, but she wasn’t listening. She was too busy watching the guards attack the barrier. They had jumped into action much sooner than she thought.

Each time one of them hit the barrier, it shook and sent a sound reverberating towards them. It reminded her of a zombie movie she had once watched with Archie, where all the zombies were trying to break through the front wall of a house. It terrified her even more.

“Any day now, Falyn!” Akia shouted over her shoulder. When Falyn didn’t respond, she turned to face her, her eyes wide. “You are doing the time stop, right?”

“I—”

“She can’t do it,” Zeke said. Akia looked at him, her eyes glistening with fire. If looks could kill, that look killed Zeke four times over.

“What do you mean?” Akia asked, saying each word articulate and slow, her voice shaking. She seemed to be having a hard time keeping her anger in check.

“Look,” Falyn said, finally speaking up. “Each time I close my eyes, I see terrible things. I can’t relax. I can’t do the time stop.”

Akia seemed to be in shock, her face frozen in surprise. The guards continued to ram against the barrier, shaking the ground around them. Falyn looked just in time to see the barrier shake. She knew that it wasn’t good. If the barrier broke, they’d be done for.

Before she could mention anything, Sam hurried up to Akia. “We need to move. Now. That barrier’s close to breaking.” As if on cue, a large crack appeared in the middle of the barrier and small pieces rained onto the ground.

“Damn it, Falyn,” Akia snapped. “I’ll distract the pellets and you guys head on through. I’ll make it through after you. There’s gotta be a way.”

Before anyone could stop her, Akia rushed passed them and stood inches away from the river. Planting her feet, she lifted her arms out straight, her palms facing the river, and froze. Nothing happened for a while, but then slowly, the blue pellets began to gravitate towards her. It started as a small ball of blue color, then grew in size until all the pellets were there in front of Akia. There was a wall of blue in front of her nearly six inches wide and at least twice her height high.

“Go,” she demanded, her voice strained. Falyn could only imagine the amount of pain she was in while trying to hold the pellets off. “Get out of here! Sam, make sure Falyn gets across.”

“I can take care of myself!” Falyn said, crossing her arms. Soon enough, Sam grabbed her arm and pulled her away. She fought the whole time, not wanting Akia to be stuck alone in Agathi with all the guards.

Zeke crossed the river first with Mina in tow. Sam made a move to follow them, but Falyn was able to pull herself free.

“Falyn, don’t do this. We need to get across!”

“You go ahead,” she responded. “I’ll help Akia.”

Sam sighed. “You don’t get it, do you? You need to get to Lightport! I’m not leaving you here!”

“Yeah you are.” Falyn pushed Sam towards the river and watched him tumble through the barrier. He disappeared completely after that, something that surprised her. But she didn’t have time to think about it. He had to be safe, he just had to be.

There was another rumble coming from the make shift barrier. Falyn whirled around to see the barrier crack and crumble to the ground. Her heart raced. That wasn’t supposed to happen; it was supposed to hold long enough for them to make it across the river. Now the guards were racing towards her, nothing to keep them from attacking.

“Are you stupid?!” Akia snapped. “Go across the river! You’re not going to get another chance!”

Falyn didn’t know what to do. A part of her wanted to leave Akia there, head across the river. Yet the greater part of her, the part controlled by her heart, told her to help Akia.

The guards were advancing, but before they could reach Falyn, she rushed forward and tackled Akia. They both fell forward, passing through the barrier together.

Falyn wasn’t sure what she had expected, but the amount of pain she felt made her want to die then and there. It wasn’t nearly as bad a pain as the torture spell that had been used on her, but it was still a terrible pain. It clutched at her chest, squeezing all the air from her body. When she tried to breathe, her throat burned and nothing passed through her lips. Her body convulsed, folding in on itself.

She knew that the barrier wasn’t very thick, but it felt like they were traveling miles rather than just a few inches. If they didn’t land in the river anytime soon, she was sure that she was going to die.

Finally they made it through and both girls collapsed into the river.

“Oh God, they’re alive!” Mina screeched. Her words were followed by the sound of rushing feet. But it wasn’t Mina who pulled Falyn out of the river, it was Sam.

“You’re an idiot,” he said softly, the corners of his lips curled in a half smile. “But you’re alive, that’s all that matters.” He pulled her into a tight hug, one that nearly expelled the air from her body once again. This kind of pain however, was a kind that she could deal with.

It wasn’t until Sam let go of her that Mina rushed forward. Her hug wasn’t quite as tight as Sam’s, but it was enough to send them stumbling backwards.

“I knew you guys were dead,” she said. “I just knew it!”

Falyn let out a small laugh. “I’m glad you had so much faith in me.”

“Guys,” Zeke said, his voice barely audible. “We have a problem.” Everyone turned to face him and rushed over when they realized what had happened. Falyn moved to join them, but a wave of dizziness crashed over her. She raised a hand to her head instinctively, as if that would help dispel that feeling. Mina seemed to have recognized what was happening and helped Falyn over to where the rest of the group was.

Lying there on the bank of the river was Akia. Unlike Falyn, Akia was unresponsive. Even the small up and down movements of her chest were barely visible. Falyn’s heart skipped a beat as the thought of Akia being dead ran through her mind. But once she noticed the rhythmic breathing, she relaxed. Akia was alive, but still greatly injured.

There was a blue light surrounding her. It was only about an inch away from her body at any point, but it was clearly there. It must have been an effect from the azure pellets. There was no other explanation.

“This is not good. This is not good,” Sam repeated over and over. He was like a broken record, sharing the dark news with all who could hear.

“She’s not…”

“No, Mina, she’s not dead,” Zeke responded. “But she’s close to it. Let me see what I can do.” He knelt down next to Akia, placed a hand on her head, and closed his eyes.

A sharp pain suddenly shot through Falyn’s stomach. She doubled over in pain, which only made her more disoriented. The whole world was spinning now; the grass was getting tossed from side to side like a ship stuck in a storm and everyone’s concerned faces only made her head hurt more.

“Falyn…Falyn…”

She could hear Mina calling out for her, but she couldn’t say anything back. The pain in her stomach had spread to every inch of her body, much like it had when they had crossed through the wall of azure pellets.

She laid down in the grass, brought her legs and arms in close to her body and closed her eyes. If she was going to die, she’d die with those she loved; her sister and the only boy she had ever felt anything for. They were her family now for these few short minutes that she was still a part of this world.

With that thought in mind, she gave into the pain and fell unconscious.

---------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,831

Comments & reviews · 7
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AdmiralKat
Review
AdmiralKat wrote a review Review · Mar 5, 2015

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...

Oh I like the description on how she had to relax to do magic. That really helps me to understand some of the basic fundamentals of the type of magic you are talking about. It's like being at a complete state of rest and then somehow finding that magic within you. Though that would be really difficult because then you will have an urge to clench your stomach. How could she be so calm in this sort of situation? She probably isn't very skilled at that so I am just going to say that she is magical(Wait a second...) and so she can do that if she wants to.

Why are there movies here? Is this like a modern magical sort of thing? Like a familiar Earth but then you just plop magic into it because why not? I'm okay with this but the logic(ah the logic behind magic!) is bothering me. Why would there be movies here? How did movies come to be in this world? How would they be powered? Did they steal the movie from the planet Earth that is thousands of light years away?

NOELLE! Gosh darn it! I need Akia to be with Sam! Not silly Fayln! Don't you darn make Sam give her a hug! She doesn't deserve a hug from Sam. Mina should be giving Falyn a hug because they are friends and they should be giving all the hugs! I think I'll dismantle the ship between Mina and Falyn and just say that they get to be in a ship with random guys that I don't know. So what now? Is she having feelings for Sam now again? She used to have feelings for Zeke but now she likes Sam? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US NOELLE?

Where Zeke says, "We have a problem", I'm just like DO YOU NOW? It's not like you have a problem every single chapter! You problem filled children that need counseling and help really badly. Then when Sam says, "This is not good". WHAT? Why wouldn't something not be good? They are just running away from every single policeman from everywhere. THAT'S ALL!

Keep calm and keep writing,
KatyaElefant

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TimmyJake
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TimmyJake wrote a review Review · Oct 29, 2014

Timmy here

Oh dear. Dabbling in killing off characters, and then not fully doing the job. Oh, it's okay! Akia is only mostly dead, which is a lot better than fully dead. Oh, yes. So much better. xD Well, perhaps not that drastic, but I was a bit worried there for a moment that Akia was sacrificing herself (which she was, I think, but Falyn pushed her through) and going to let everyone else across while she stayed behind to hold it open, and also die. I think you picked the right character to make that gesture, though. Akia just seems like the right person to go and sacrifice herself for others. :)

radiating blue light; the pellets had gotten him too


Comma after him

He’d just laugh anyway


Comma after laugh

She knew it was the truth too.


Comma after truth

This kind of pain however, was a kind


Comma after pain

She laid down in the grass, brought her legs and arms in close to her body and closed her eyes.


Not as sure about this one as the others, but you wrote this like a simple compound sentence, which tells me there should be a comma after body. I am pretty sure, although I wouldn't bet my life on it. hee-hee

So I didn't get a too high comma alert in this piece, but there are few. I think I grabbed all those I saw, but there may be one or two I missed. Just keep that in mind. ^.^ Commas are like ninjas. They tend to disappear.

I have always thought of Falyn as the main character. Now I don't know what everyone else thinks, but that's my humblest of opinions. She just seems like the character going through the most, changing and being the center of fault and attention the most. So I love that she is one of the weakest of them all. And she doesn't always know the answers, and she has trouble doing her power - the time stop. Which is also wonderful, I might add. Zeke, Akia and Sam don't seem to find any problems using their magic at all, but Falyn has always either been seemingly devoid of it or just incapable of working it correctly or for long enough. That just brings me closer to the character, because she is as flawed as I am. :)

But once she noticed the rhythmic breathing, she relaxed. Akia was alive, but still greatly injured.


Meh, thank you, Doctor Falyn for that brilliant diagnosis. I thought this part was too sudden for Falyn to come to such a conclusion. It sounded to me like she was just spouting the thoughts off before actually knowing for certain. All she can see is that she's lying on the ground.. and she's glowing pink! - erm, I meant blue - and breathing. So she automatically assumed that she was greatly injured? Whaaaa? And, I don't know about you, but if my friend was badly injured, I would be panicking - not relaxing, sooo....

Meanie. You did it again. Noooo, I am not referring to the cliffhanger (although I may have words with you over that, too). I am talking about the romance confusion. Tis a good confusion, though. In the previous chapters, we saw a lot of Falyn and Zeke talking together, and seeming like they were becoming close, so I just naturally assumed that they may get together or at least be an obstacle for Sam to fight over in order to get Falyn. But in this chapter it seems as though the past chapters never happened, like they were just picking up where they left off, hugging and being close again. Perhaps that bumps off too quick for me. I dunno. It is sudden, but I am not sure if it's a bad or good sudden. Maybe you could show more of Falyn's astonishment at him hugging her so tightly? Perhaps.

And it was rude and mean of them all to forget Akia while they stressed over Falyn for those few moments.

I don't think I have any more to say. You handled the situation just perfectly, and I love, love the entire layout of the chapter and the story you told in it. Very tense and very enjoyable. I am just loving this book more and more as I go into it, you know. Oh, wasn't I supposed to be talking with you about the cliffhangers? Baaaaad girl. Baaaad girl. I would get more into this lecture and possibly get a box to stand on, but I have to admit something. I really like them Pretty shocking, right? I complain about them every time, but I love them. They make me head over to the next chapter sooner. You are the cliffhanger expert. Can I be your humble padawan?

Keep writing such awesome chapters. Just do it.
~Darth Timmyjake

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Holysocks
Review
Holysocks wrote a review Review · Aug 19, 2014

Hello!!!

This was rather suspenseful! I thought for sure Akia was going to be left behind, and then no one would know what to do, they'd all just feel really lost... but that didn't happen. Instead, Akia faces death. O.O I'm not too scared though. I have faith that you won't kill off your favourite character ( I thought she was a favourite anyway )... I hope I'm right. O.O It would certainly be very sad to see Akia go.

The guards were advancing, but before they could reach Falyn, she rushed forward and tackled Akia. They both fell forward, passing through the barrier together.


I found this save a little hard to believe. I thought Akia had a dangerous wall of blue marble things orbiting her body? It just seems a bit unrealistic that Falyn could just shove into Akia like that, and survive. I'd almost think that Falyn would maybe be worse off than Akia. It did help when it turned out that Falyn was in pain, and than the fainting and all, but still... it just seems like a small price to pay. I realize that you can't really kill Falyn, and I'm not suggesting that O.O, but I just thought the save should have been a bit harder... I like the idea of Akia getting separated from the group for a bit, just to get everyone out of their comfort zone.

The only other thing I wanted to mention was the very last sentence:

With that thought in mind, she gave into the pain and fell unconscious.


*style preference* I think that this would sound better if it were less matter-a-fact. Maybe she drifted off? Or maybe she slowly slipped into darkness? I find 'fell unconscious' a bit too abrupt.

Anyway, that's it! I really enjoyed this chapter, and I'm looking forward to reading the next!! Keep the awesomeness coming, girl!!!

-Socks

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Deanie
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Deanie wrote a review Review · Aug 17, 2014

Hi Noelle!

Whoa, talk about cliffhangers! You really are an expert at them, inserting them in all the right places and delivering them perfectly. I am looking forwards to seeing how this is going to pan out and how this mysterious ailment is going to be healed. (That is, if it can e healed?) I am so intrigued. Also, I am so curious. Zeke isn't on their side, but it would've been easier for him to volunteer to help the group the least, and yet he is. I wonder if he is getting some personal attachment to the group as well. I'm curious to know what is going on there... but I guess I just need to read more to know!

What did Falyn have to offer? All she had was a simple, stupid spell that could buy them more time.


And that simple spell is one that could also end up saving their lives? I feel like it was a little bit overdramatic for Falyn to downtalk the time stop spell like that when she fully knows it's capability herself. I feel like maybe she would say something more along the lines of '... spell that she didn't even know how to do.' But then again, it's up to you and what you'd consider comes more naturally to her. Just a suggestion I felt like putting out there :3

If they didn’t land in the river anytime soon, she was sure that she was going to die.

Finally they made it through and both girls collapsed into the river.

Because you've already mentioned the word 'river' in the previous chapter maybe it's nice to change up the vocabulary a little bit. Also, to make when they crash into the water a bit more interesting and to play up the end-of-action moment, perhaps have them not just collapse into the river, but have Falyn talk about feeling the rush of freezing cold over her body or feeling her mouth fill with water and she pushed up, coughing. I have the feeling that when they hit the water Falyn would release Akia, that is me assuming they are clung together because Falyn just tackled her, and didn't push her. If I that so, it would help to mention when Falyn releases her so that we know Akia's body could end up somewhere else in the rive. Like further down where Zeke is.

She laid down in the grass, brought her legs and arms in close to her body and closed her eyes.


Because she is in such excruciating pain, I find it hard to believe she could simply lay down on the grass. I have a feeling her legs would give out and she would instinctively huddle up to protect herself without even thinking about it. Try and make her movements involuntary; that's how painful the sensation really is. She can't even control what is happening to her own body.

Again, everything else I could think of mentioning has already been brought to the service. I doubt I could think of anything else to bring to the surface. This story is only getting better and better. Keep at it! I'm almost all caught up :3

Deanie x

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SpiritedWolfe
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review Review · Aug 16, 2014

Oh goodness no! No, no, no, no, no! You can't do this to me Noelle, you can't. Oh gosh, my heart man, it's just been ripped out and shattered... Again!

Hello, Noelle. Wolf here for a review.

You cannot do this! Noelle, why? Why! The ending of this chapter literally brought tears to my eyes. How could you? I can just feel it, that Akia won't make it out of this one. And even if she does, something will be wrong, like some of her once powerful magic has been stripped from her (that would be a great conundrum, I'd like to see that.) Maybe all of it, maybe some, I don't know. What really got me though, is the only boy Falyn ever cared for. THAT IS A LIE. COMPLETE AND UTTER LIE. In the beginning, Falyn had a crush on Sam, and just then she had a horrible though of him dying so she still cares for him. However, lately Zeke and Falyn have become a thing. They have to be a thing. DON'T CRUSH THEIR LOVE.

I really like how you have these kinds if scenarios where things don't go perfectly. I feel like some writers have issues with that, either making a scene way too dramatic, whether it be far more difficult than it should be, or too easy. You have a nice balance I'd say, but you seem to be leaning towards the 'everything goes wrong' side of things. I mean think about it. Akia passes out earlier after their camp is attack after they make it back from being captured by Rhys. They make it to the river, with barely any sleep might I add, and suddenly have to fight these guards after Fayln's first Time Stop breaks. Where's the good? Back to my original point (xD), I liked how you had the barrier there for just enough time for them to escape and make it across. The guards were knocked out for just enough time. It's good, but maybe add some more good things? Like people not dying? Please?

One last thing: how did Falyn not notice Akia earlier? If she tackled her, then how'd they land so far apart? I assume it's far apart, because Falyn's not right on top of her as one would expect when someone tackles another. What logic allows for them to be thrown in opposite directions? It doesn't make much sense to me.

Now this action was much better than the last part's. I was much more engaged, I enjoyed it more, and it just flower better, faster. I liked it. The twists kept coming and well in the end, they made it across the river. They might die, but they made it! I'm quite excited where this is to go next. Will they be captured again, or will they make it to Lightport safely? Who knows! To the next part! Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~

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PeanutPhoebe
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PeanutPhoebe wrote a review Review · Aug 12, 2014

Ahh!! Last chapter you've got up! You better get crack-a-lackin on Chapter 19! Lol, just kidding, but I do wanna read it soon! Ooh! I love this so much though! Falyn's feelings in the beginning are so intense! And they show that she is still sensitive and some of the time scared. And Akia just saying she'll distract the pellets so quickly! So selfless!! I've cone to really love Akia and if you make he die I will be so sad! Like seriously. And then Falyn staying behind to help her like a true friend! Oh, and you're really confusing me with Sam, Zeke and Falyn! She needs to make up her mind so there's no more love triangles. I still want her to be with Sam. Oh, can you remind me again how old all of them are? You've really touched my "feels" (as my sister often calls her strong fangirly emotions) Can't wait for the next chapter!

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r4p17
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r4p17 wrote a review Review · Aug 10, 2014

Knight r4, back to review the second part of this chapter, Noelle. I am pleased to tell you that I am much more sasfied with its length than I am the previous one :P I have one quick thing that I need to ask you before delving into this. Whose POV are you writing this chapter from?

they’re alive!” Mina screeched.
Whaaa! You...you can' tell this! You have left us in suspense for how long making us wait forever until the group gets to the river and then across it, and then you brush it off by having Mina tell us they're all alive! I am as mad at you as Falyn was at Akia some times! Aaarghhh!

“She’s not…”
I am sorry if this sounds a little too nitpicky, but if Falyn could tell that Akia is alive can't Mina? Also I think that you should identify who is speaking even though you do in the next sentence.

and the only boy she had ever felt anything for.
Hmm...and who might that be? Sam or Zeke. Most likely it is going to be Sam...though I am not quite sure yet...

Ugh! You...how dare you! How dare you add another cliff-hanger to the every long list of...oh just screw it! I can't believe that you would dare do anything like that again! Will Falyn be okay or will she die. Well to be honest with you this one was better than the other one since I know that she will be alright...eventually...though it is still extremely aggravating! If I didn't know better I would say that you are taking cliff-hanger drugs and taking like a quadruple overdosage every single day! :P Yes I know that would exaggeration.

Aside from that this chapter was well written with plenty of drama I was more pleased with it than the first half, aside from the cliff-hanger part, but still overall it trumped the last one. I was glad that it was a little bit longer, and it seemed a little more dramatic and more seemed to happen. There were also very few things to nit-pick again! :)

Despite that I would like to see the action let up a little bit even though we will probably revisit it within the next couple of chapters. I mean all five of them are probably almost wiped out especially Falyn and Akia. Aside from that awesome job! Happy writing!!! :D

This review courtesy of
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Noelle replied · Aug 11, 2014

I am very fluent in cliff hangers xD Yeah, the first half of the chapter was a bit slow, but it sped up once the guards got back up. Thanks for all your reviews! You're always so quick to get here and always give a great review. I really appreciate it! :)

r4p17 replied · Aug 11, 2014

You're welcome! :D



If you have to ask, "Is this cliche?", it probably is.
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