Across Worlds - Chapter 24 Part 2

“So that would make you Akia’s older brother.” Phillip looked pointedly at her as he said it. Hastily, she wiped away the tears that had found their way onto her face.

“Yes, Sir,” Aidan responded, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “She’s mine. Quite the fighter, isn’t she?”

“Indeed,” Phillip responded, smiling at her. “She’s the best.” Akia couldn’t help but smile a bit. Magic was never a struggle for her. She was good and she knew it. She had no want to use it for anything except for the fight for the worlds.

There was some part of her though, that burned with pride when Phillip bragged about her. She was the best; and she always would be.

“So,” Phillip started, turning back to Aidan. “Where have you been all this time? Do you live in Lightport?”

“Uh, no, I actually don’t,” Aidan responded. “I’m… a nomad. Been wandering around worlds for years now. Had a house in Vertfay, obviously one that I shared with Akia and our family, then found my way to Sedula after the battle with Rhys. They put me to work there, didn’t even care that I was a magician. Of course I had to evacuate two years later once Rhys found his way to that world. It’s completely destroyed. Such a shame, really.”

“Wait, Sedula?” Akia asked. Sedula was the most prosperous world. It was home to the teleks, those with the power of telekinesis.

Telekinesis had always been seen as the most powerful of all the magics. Akia didn’t understand why. All teleks could do was make objects move with their mind. Seers could see the future. Magicians and mages could do anything that their magic allowed them to. Wouldn't that make them the most powerful?

“Yeah,” Aidan said sadly. “The place is destroyed, much like Vertfay is. Akia, our home world is gone. The buildings, the well, the forest. All still there, just completely flattened.”

She looked at him with empty eyes. “You’ve been back there since?” She knew the answer already, but she wanted to hear it from him.

He nodded. “It was a long trek through Vertfay to get here. It’s completely desolate. There’s nothing left.”

The words sent a pang through her heart. Vertfay, the world that had given her fourteen years of her life was gone. Just like that. Wiped off the map. Forever.

Suddenly all of the happiness built up inside of her shifted, gripped by jealousy. Why did Aidan get to visit their home world? She hadn’t been back since Rhys attacked. It wasn’t fair.

She loved her life at Lightport. Yet there was always a feeling of yearning to return to the life she had once lived. Vertfay had been the perfect home. Life couldn’t have been better. Then Rhys had to go and destroy it all.

There she went again, thinking of the past. She shook her head, desperate to dispel the memories. Vertfay was gone, over with, done. Destroyed. There was nothing she could do about it. It was something she’d have to get over. They had a job to do. And bringing back these memories was only going to hurt her.

“If you could show her the way back, Aidan,” Phillip started. “I’d appreciate it. We need her to go back.”

Akia’s heart leapt at the news, but Aidan seemed skeptical. “Why? What do you think you’ll find there? It’s a desert. There’s nothing left.”

Phillip looked passed him and locked eyes with Akia. She knew why he was sending her there before he even said anything.

“He thinks the locket is there,” she said. “It’s not a bad idea. We’ve looked everywhere else.”

Aidan looked at them both, confusion clouding his blue eyes. “The locket can’t be in Vertfay. Rhys hasn’t been back there since the battle.”

“How do you know?” Phillip asked. “He could’ve gone anywhere. No one’s been able to track him.”

Aidan opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but quickly closed it again. Akia looked at her brother. He was acting quite strange. His gaze was fixed on the ground and he wouldn’t stop moving his fingers.

“Akia,” Phillip said sharply. “Meet me at the battle room as soon as you can. The main one. You mine as well bring Aidan with you. I’ll give you two some time to catch up, then I expect you there. Got it?”

Without even waiting for an answer, Phillip turned and headed back down the hallway. Akia waited until he disappeared before turning to Aidan.

“You’re hiding something from me,” she said certainly. “What is it?”
Aidan didn’t meet her gaze. “Not here. Follow me.” He wrapped his hand around hers and led her down the hallway.

She was surprised at how easily he maneuvered through the building. He had never been to Headquarters before. Not that she knew of at least. All those years that they were apart, he could’ve been living in Lightport for some time. Yeah, that’s it. Otherwise he wouldn’t have known his way around.

“I lived here once,” he said, as if he could read her mind. “A few years back. Think it was just after the battle. I had an apartment here a few floors up. Not the best place I’ve ever lived, but it was a place.”

Akia gaped. “You were here and you didn’t try to find me?”
“You weren’t here,” he responded. “This was a few weeks after Phillip sent you to Agathi. I actually came looking for you.”

She looked at him closely. There was a look of sadness there that she hadn’t expected to see. Never in the years they spent living together did he ever express any real interest in being a sibling. They were just two kids living under the same roof. And here he was, telling her that he went searching for her.

Could she really believe any of it? She wanted to. After years of being alone in Agathi and having to beg neighbors for favors, she wanted someone to be there for her. Aidan would be the perfect companion. It didn’t matter that he was thirteen years older than her.

They went up three flights of stairs, all the while Akia deciding whether to trust her brother or not. She didn’t pay attention to the broken, dangling ceiling lights in the stairwell or the mustard yellow paint on the walls when they reached the seventh floor. The soft carpet under her feet was far from her thoughts, as were the teenagers running in and out of rooms.

All she could do was stare at the back of Aidan’s head as he made his way down the hallway. It had been so long since she’d last seen him that she didn’t want to ever lose sight of him. He was her only comfort left.

They finally stopped at a door to the right at the very end of the hallway. Aidan let go of her hand and knocked on the door three times. It was a calculated, rhythmic knock, which made her think that it was a password.

“Who lives here?” she asked him. But he didn’t respond.

When the door opened a few minutes later, she was surprised to see that she recognized who it was. “George?” she exclaimed.

He looked her up and down before turning to Aidan. “Why’d you bring her?”

“’Cause she’s my sister,” he snapped. “Now let us in.” George nodded and stepped aside.

---------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,237

Comments & reviews · 7
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User avatar
AdmiralKat
Review

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! You must be getting SO MANY notifications stating that I'm reviewing your works. XD It must be A LOT of stuff to read and comprehend. If you don't get something I'm saying, just reply below! Let us get reviewing!

GOSH DARN IT RHYS! Why'd you have to ruin everything for Akia? What if... Aidan was lying and the world/town still exists? *insert dramatic music here* That would be SOME plot twist that I would NEVER expect. The whole time Aidan is talking, I don't trust him one bit. He just isn't trustworthy now that he works for Rhys. I know he is working unwillingly but something tells me that he is forced to lie to Akia so that he can complete his mission.

“Meet me at the battle room as soon as you can. The main one. You mine as well bring Aidan with you. I’ll give you two some time to catch up, then I expect you there. Got it?”

You might as well, change the mine that is before the as well to might. This would correct the mistake and make the sentence, "You might as well bring Aian with you."

Wait a second... Why does George know Aidan so well? Why isn't he so surprised to see him? This is very suspicious. Is George, Aidan's partner in crime or something? That would make a lot of sense because George wasn't full of bright ideas in the past when he was fighting Rhys. I wonder how they got to be partners if they are partners. HMMMMMMMM.

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

Ah yes, George is definitely an interesting character ;)

You have all those fancy pants names and then you just have... George

xD It fits him well! I looked for a cool name, but none of them sounded right.

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.

The ending here was phenomenal. Well, the entire chapter was, but the ending especially captured my attention. So there's of course some dramatic irony here, since we obviously know what's up with Aiden, but Akia doesn't. There are so many reasons that Akia could've been brought here. Aiden may even tell her. But George being in cahoots with Rhys? Woah. Then this makes me wonder what actually happened that one time when George was tortured. Could something have happened then that Akia didn't see?

I'm really great at this whole 'critiquing' thing, because once again, I haven't found anything. Your chapters are too perfect! But there are lots of things to comment on. Hopefully my insight helps even the slightest.

I'm loving Akia's reaction to Aiden. Whenever someone is hiding something, usually someone close can tell, and you do a great job showing us this through Akai's eyes. And then there's the fact that Aiden never paid Akia any attention before. So why now? Does he even truly care for her? I know he only serves Rhys to protect his mother, so is Akia not as important? Aiden has an interesting character and I'm excited to see more of it soon.

Now Phillip has an interesting reaction to Aiden. I find it somewhat odd that he doesn't even ask the simple question, "How did you get here?" Sure they find out that he's just been around, but how did Aiden know to come back now of all times to find Akia? Seems a little suspicious is it not? Anyway. Only way to find out is to read more. Once again, wonderful chapter! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here

I think you're doing a wonderful job with the brother and sister relationship that is starting to bud again, and I love, love that you're not going for the typical Awwww! Let me tell you all my secrets. kind of thing for Akia - or at least not yet. She is still a bit uncertain about her brother and what his intentions are, and I think that is a very good thing. Not only does it give the reader something to look forward to - in this case, either Akia deciding that she will trust him or deciding not - but it lends a more realistic side of things for your characters. Something that I find lacks in many stories, but never yours. Yet another one of your strengths - the characters. You really do an amazing job building them and growing their character, just like they should be. Akia is changing, oh yes. But I think every change she has gone through, no matter how minute or immense they are for her and the story, have changed her for the better. She is probably my favorite character *admits it to the world* because of her strength and I dunno. She's just cool. 8)

Hastily, she wiped away the tears that


Many writers I know say to never start a sentence with an adverb.

Magic was never a struggle for her. She was good and she knew it.


I thought she was the one who'd spent five years in magic school and had only learned basic spells? Or am I confusing her with Falyn again. I do that quite a bit, since I take too long of breaks in-between chapters.

Yes, Sir,” Aidan responded


Should "sir" be capitalized? :/

There was some part of her though, that burned with pride


technical: Comma after her

Magicians and mages could do anything that their magic allowed them to.


Exclude sliced-out word?

Wouldn't that make them the most powerful?


Is she asking or stating? There isn't enough information in this part for me to come to a decision on that or not. She seems like the kind of person who would know that sort of thing.

Just like that. Wiped off the map. Forever.


I really like this. It put a bang in my head, the short sentences and number of periods. I really liked that. There was a subtle boom in my head each time I came to the end of a sentence. So I like that you even manage to insert emotion into the style of how you write it. I really like how you do that. Keep it up, please. :3

You mine as well bring Aidan with you


technical: You might as well


I just really like the part where she finds out that her country has been destroyed. I agree with Deanie, that there should have been a teensy bit more emotion on Akia's part, but I just really love that styling you used there. Just really had that boom effect I think the news of the desolation had. Rhys is even more evil and powerful than I had imagined if he would do a thing like that. :/ He hides his evilness fairly well, actually, or at least enough for you to give us a POV without him going on a classic evil rant for the entire chapter. hee hee

As far as this chapter goes, it's near perfection as usual. I just love how you do so well with your characters, and how each time someone say something, it always fits their character so well. Their speech is just molded to who they are. And I like how her brother is starting to become closer to her. Not only is that a good thing for Akia, because it gives her the chance to have a family in her life once again, but we readers need someone to be there for Akia, and something tells me Aidan is it. I approve. Yesh. He also seems like he does care for her, even when he hadn't talked to her in a long while. How he went looking for her while he was at the place and all. So it shows it isn't just instantaneous reunion and re-affection for her. He loved her all along.

She didn’t pay attention to the broken, dangling ceiling lights in the stairwell or the mustard yellow paint on the walls when they reached the seventh floor. The soft carpet under her feet was far from her thoughts, as were the teenagers running in and out of rooms.


Quite possibly my favorite description of your novel so far, because even though it doesn't go into deep specifics, you give us enough to feed off of to make our own image. You made the foundation, and left it up to us to build the walls. And the description of the lights and paint was absolutely fabulous.

Keep up this kind of writing. The world needs it.
~Darth Timmyjake

User avatar
Holysocks
Review

Hello Noelle!

Well, that was an odd turn of events. Honestly, Noelle, I'm lost right now- in a good way. I really don't know who's good and who's bad here, other than the obvious characters like Akia and Falyn... and Phillip. I'm wondering what George and Aiden are doing seeing each other and all... what are those two up to?

He was her only comfort left.


What about Sam? What about Falyn who's considered close to a sister? I think you need to give us a bit more information about why he is her only comfort... Because why would she even need comforting right now? Sure, it is nice to have people you know and love around, but why does she need comfort. Other than her nearly dieing... I can see Akia saying something like that because she nearly died, and she was thinking that she never wanted to lose sight of Aiden... maybe that's her way of saying she never wants to lose sight of life again...

The only other thing I just realized after reading this chapter, is that Akia is completely recovered! Of course I knew that from reading the last chapter, where Aiden heals her, but I only realized it in this one. I honestly don't like that she was so easily healed! I get that Aiden knows very powerful magic, but it still doesn't feel right... nothing is that easy, you know? Maybe if you had Aiden having trouble healing her, like it took a long time... or maybe Akia is still weak after being healed...? I think something like that would be a little easier to believe... I mean, I know we're talking about magic here, but you know. ;)

But that was good though! I'm looking forward to finding out what George and Aiden are doing together. :-D

Keep up the awesome writing Noelle!!!

-Socks

User avatar
r4p17
Review
r4p17 wrote a review · Sat Oct 18, 2014 9:08 pm

Knight r4 here to review this work after a long absence from the dimension of reviewing, Noelle! ;) I am super sorry for taking so long to get to this! I will make up for it by rushing to catch up! I finally have some time on my hands! I certainly hope that this helps you!

“Yes, Sir,” Aidan responded, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.
Why is the sir, referring to Philip, capitalized. Philip isn't a deity or anything, is he? :P

She was the best; and she always would be.
She sounds a little too confident in herself. Besides, even if she is the best fighter, that doesn't mean Aidan can't keep her diverted by Rhyss's plan. But still, I like how you do portray her in a realistic way instead of godmodding her actions and reactions so that she always gets her way, even if it does often irk the readers! (Hint hint)! I wish I could do that better!

When the door opened a few minutes later, she was surprised to see that she recognized who it was. “George?” she exclaimed.
Wait what? I am confused! Why is Aidan taking here to George's appartment? I am so confused! I thought they were going to talk alone or Aidan was going to try to have Akia abducted! :?

Well, I must say, this was an interesting chapter. I couldn't really find a whole lot to nitpick. I was just enthralled for most of the chapter until the end. Then I was like, "What? This doesn't make any sense." I am really sorry for not having anything big to critique, but to be honest, unless there were some grammar errors I failed to pick up on, then there wasn't much of anything to critique. You are doing a fantastic job overall... minus those darned cliffhangers! ;) I'm not quite sure if I will ever forgive you for that. :P Hawppy witing!!! :D (Typos intentional)!

This review courtesy of
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User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sat Oct 11, 2014 7:30 pm

Hi Noelle!

Ooh, for once I am all caught up on chapters! Now I feel very happy :D

As always, this was a brilliant chapter. I wonder where this mystery is going with Phillip, and I wonder what George has to do with it. It seems like there have been some secrets kept between those two boys, and this may or may not have to do with Rhys and their past. All I can hope is that they will help Akia along with their journey! I am also starting to wonder how things are going with Mina, Falyn and Sam as well. I hope we get a change in point of view pretty soon so we can see the other side of things as well! The last praise I would like to give you before I begin with nitpicks is this: you manage to write emotions and thoughts flawlessly and realistically. I love seeing into Akia's mind and she thinks like any person might, but at the same time unique to her personality. Perfection <3

“So that would make you Akia’s older brother.”


Comma needed after the 'so'. Usually when people ask these things they are asking them as a question. If not, then maybe make that evident in the dialogue tag.

She had no want to use it for anything except for the fight for the worlds.


This was a sentence I found very difficult to untangle. Maybe simplify this so there isn't too many small words in the middle of this? So instead of having this sound like it doesn't flow, make it something like 'She didn't feel a need to use magic, except to fight for the worlds.'

Magicians and mages could do anything that their


That sentence doesn't have any ending at all... I think maybe you forgot to finish that sentence!

You mine as well bring Aidan with you.


I think you meant the words 'might' instead of the words 'mean.'

I feel like Akia is trying to decide whether or not to trust her brother in the first few minutes of having him back. Maybe you could make her suspend her judgment until she has a reason to either trust him or not trust him? I would've liked to see that there a bit more, that she doesn't have to trust him immediately or not. She has time.

It would've been nice to have a bit more emotion coming from her as well, when she knows that her home is ruined. That is practically all she had of her parents left, seeing as they have both died. Their house was probably one place she could feel most connected to them there. It would be hard to imagine all their photos and memories crushed and also know the whole house has been flattened. I would believe it to be so. So, yes, a bit more emotion in that area would've been heartily welcomed.

Otherwise this was as great a chapter as always. I am looking forward to the next part! Keep writing :3

Deanie x

Oh gosh, I didn't finish that sentence, did I? -_- *goes to fix*

User avatar
PeanutPhoebe
Comment

Wait, what? I thought she knew George was here. He was the kid that Falyn followed to Akia, right?? I'm confused. But I LOVE this chapter, just like all the others!! I can't even say anything, except you better pick up this cliff-hanger in Chapter 25! :) But really...

She knows who George is, but she was surprised that her brother led her to George. It'll make more sense in the next chapter :) Although when I go back and edit I might add some more detail about her surprise at the end of this chapter. I can see how it could be confusing.



There is no quiet. There is only Doc McStuffins.
— Ron Swanson