Across Worlds - Chapter 7

by Noelle

Published May 7, 2014

In Novel - Across Worlds (finished)

Falyn

It felt like seconds had passed when Falyn opened her eyes. But by the look of her surroundings, it had been much longer than that. And she didn’t remember any of it.

They were still in Sam’s house, but it was completely destroyed. The wallpaper was curling back from the wall; the ceiling lights were blown out; the furniture was scattered across the floor in the most odd places.

“What happened?” She sat up and groaned. Her entire body ached. Her pounding headache failed to compare to the pain her joints were in.

“Don’t get up,” Zeke said quietly. She jumped at the sound of his voice. How long had he been sitting there? “You need to rest.”

“Can you tell me—“

“Not now,” he responded. “Later. You took quite a hit.”

“But where is—” Before Zeke could stop her, Falyn sat up and looked around. She stopped talking the second she saw across the room.

Akia was bent over Sam who wasn’t moving. Falyn’s heart skip a beat. He wasn’t—no, he couldn’t be. Otherwise Akia wouldn’t bother with him.

She pushed Zeke away and got up to stumble across the room. Zeke reached her halfway across and placed a hand on her back and one on her arm. If not for him she was sure that she wouldn’t have made it over.

“What’s wrong with him?” Her voice cracked at the end of the question. Seeing him up close was different than seeing the scene from across the room. His skin had a yellow hue to it. His eyes were wide open, but looked empty. Those blue eyes that she could never turn away from were now staring into an empty void.

Without looking back, Akia said, “Get her away, someone.” Zeke tried to pull Falyn back, but she tugged her arm out of his grasp. She knelt down next to Akia and looked at Sam.

“He’s not…” But she couldn’t bring herself to even harbor the thought. It was too painful.

“No,” Akia said firmly. Falyn sighed with relief. “But he’s close to it so if you’d just give me some space that’d be nice.” As much as she didn’t want to, Falyn obliged.

Zeke helped her back over to where Mina was sitting against the wall. Mina gave her a tight hug when she sat, sending pain coursing through her body.

“Ah.”

“Sorry,” Mina said, letting go of her instantly. Unfortunately that hurt too. “I forgot.”

Zeke sat on the other side of Falyn and fixed his gaze on the wall opposite them. He seemed to be deep in thought, and very interested in the wall. Falyn debated asking him what was wrong, but she decided against it. She didn’t want to get wrapped up in someone else’s emotions.

The three of them sat in silence as Akia muttered incantations over Sam’s body. Falyn ran a prayer through her mind constantly. Sam had to live; he just had to. She wasn’t sure that she could go on without him.

Half an hour passed and Akia wasn’t any closer to healing him. His skin was still that yellow color and he was stiff as a board. She needed to get her mind off of him.

But she just couldn’t. Sam was lying there nearly dead and she couldn’t do anything about it. And she didn’t even remember how he got to be like that. It was more than frustrating.

Akia burst into a chain of curse words, leaning back on her heels. Whatever she was doing, it wasn’t working. Zeke suddenly got up and stalked across the room.

“Don’t touch him,” Akia shouted as he reached down to help. He ignored her and sat next to her. He looked at Sam before waving his hand over his face. Akia reached out and slapped his hand away.

Zeke glared at her. “What’d you do that for? You screwed up the spell!”

“I don’t need your help! You’ll only make things worse.” Akia retorted.

“Why am I here if you don’t want my help?”

“I don’t know why the hell you’re here,” she yelled. “I should’ve left you stranded on that road. You’d be in jail right now and I wouldn’t have to deal with you.

“What did I do?” Zeke looked amused at the situation. And even though Falyn didn’t know what was happening, she had the sudden urge to slap the smile right off his face.

“Everything,” Akia retorted. “If you hadn’t attacked, Sam wouldn’t have gotten hit.”

“And if you hadn’t invited me along in the first place this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Don’t you switch this back to me!”

“It is your fault after all.”

“I brought you along ‘cause you’re like us; like me.”

“Then why don’t you trust me?”

“Because I’ve never met you,” Akia retorted. “Would you trust someone you just met?”

“I would if they saved my life twice.”

Before Falyn knew it, Akia was in Zeke’s face. She didn’t even notice her move. But their faces were suddenly inches from each other’s.

“I can take care of myself. The only thing you did was interfere. You’re lucky that it all turned out right.”

Zeke raised an eyebrow and snapped his fingers. Sam sat up and gasped. Everyone turned to look at him. Before even thinking about what had happened, Falyn rushed forward.

“You’re okay!” she squealed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He hugged her back, despite the pain that was apparent in his face.

“How did you do that?” Akia hissed. Zeke simply shrugged.

“Same way you healed Falyn.” Without another word, he went back across the room and sat against the wall.

Akia rushed to Sam’s side, joining Falyn. Sam was looking at the two of them, confusion showing right through. Akia must have known because she started right into what had happened during the fight.

Sam got hit first. It was a muddle spell, Akia shared. And the second Falyn reached out to help him she was affected by the spell as well.

“That’s a dangerous spell. I can’t believe the Force still uses that one,” Sam commented. “You shouldn’t have tried to help.”

“Well I didn’t know what had happened,” Falyn responded. “And what did you expect me to do? I wasn’t gonna let you lay there and die.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

After an awkward silence, they got the rest of the story.

Zeke fought off the remaining guards and tried to get them all out. But Falyn’s father, Archie Hillon, held Mina captive while he demanded Akia come with him. When she refused, he attacked.

Akia was able to deflect the spell back at Archie. He was flung back against the wall and crumbled to the floor. That took care of the Force. But the guards were still there. They had to get rid of them somehow.

“Mina was the one that came up with the memory spell,” Akia said. “If not for her I’m pretty sure we’d be on the run right now.”

Falyn looked at Mina, who was beaming from ear to ear. She couldn’t help but chuckle. Mina sure looked proud of herself.

“Wait, just one memory spell? That took care of it?”

“Yes, Sam,” Zeke said sarcastically. “We used just one spell to confound all of the guards.”

“Can you butt out of the conversation?” Akia snapped. Something flickered in Zeke’s eyes and Falyn noticed his fingers twitch. But he backed down and kept his mouth shut.

“Look, it’s not that big of a deal,” Sam said finally. “The point is, you got the guards to leave. And you’re sure they’re off our trail?” Akia nodded.

After he had regained some strength, Sam decided to head downstairs and get some food. Mina volunteered to go with him which left Falyn alone with a very angry Akia and an annoyed Zeke. They refused to look at each other, each sitting on opposite sides of the room.

Falyn finally decided to sit with Akia. She had questions she still needed answers to after all.

Sam and Mina soon returned with bags of chips and a loaf of bread.

“Nobody complain,” Mina said. “This was all there was left.”

They all ate in silence, stuffing their faces. It had been a while since any of them had eaten.

“So,” Sam said after the chips were gone. “What’s next? Do we head out?”

“I’m not going anywhere until I get answers,” Falyn said, staring at Akia. She refused to meet her gaze, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor. “And I’d like them now.”

“There are things in life we all want. Doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll get them.”

“I’d at least like to know the real reason that you took me away from my father.”

“He’s not your real father,” Akia said curtly. “Your father is where we’re heading to in the morning.”

“Which is…”

Instead of responding, Akia led Falyn to the window. The only thing she could see was the top of trees. But just above that were the tops of the buildings of Pollume. Their metallic gleam could not be mistaken for anything else.

“Do you see those buildings in the distance,” Akia asked. Falyn nodded. Boy did she ever. “That’s where your father is.”

“In—in Pollume?” Falyn asked in disbelief.

“No, in Lightport. Pollume doesn’t exist.”

Comments & reviews · 8
User avatar
AdmiralKat
Review
AdmiralKat wrote a review Review · Mar 1, 2015

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Finally I got to reviewing this story! WOOO! I am so pumped! I need to get back in action and get back into this world! Let's see what we got!

That first paragraph really annoys me. I like how it started and then it went all down hill from there. "But by the look of her surroundings, it had been much longer than that." Couldn't you have specified how much longer? Like maybe say it was an hour longer than that or it seemed like a tornado went through the area. Just describe it more! THIS SENTENCE STRUCTURE! The random sentences starting with but. 0-o Noelle. You will cause me to go insane(jk. jk. jk. or am I just kidding? 0-o) Again, I do wish there was more imagery but you are still doing well with all the imagery you have but a little more imagery will make your story A LOT more better.

HA! Pushing away Zeke to go to Sam! Who needs Zeke anyways? Poor Zeke! #foreveralone . I love how Falyn is all like the only reason why Akia would be with Sam is if...(insert dying here). She totally doesn't even realize that maybe Akia likes Sam just as much Falyn does. Actually, I'm okay with Sam dying. Sam should go die and then Falyn and Akia could be the best couple. That is how this all should happen! As I continue to read this, yet again, everyone hates Zeke. Let us blame Zeke for everything because he is surely the reason for all our problems.

Mina gave her a tight hug when she sat, sending pain coursing through her body.

“Ah.”

This reaction to pain. XD Just "Ah". That is exactly how a normal person would react when they are in pain? Or is she quoting Chandelier? (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH m gonna swing from the chandelier)

WAIT WHAT??? HE'S NOT HER REAL FATHER. I should have guessed that. Gosh darn it. It was so predictable and yet I didn't see it. They totally didn't have the same features and stuff. Also POLLUME DOESN'T EXIST. Her life has been a lie. Gosh darn it. Why is everything so rude to Falyn. Also where is Lightport? Is that just a random place or something?

Okay, now for the amazing things that you did that you should keep up on. I really love the plot. The plot is so good and it just forces the reader to keep reading and reviewing these wonderful works. No wonder why you have like 9 reviews at least per work. Your description of the surroundings is great. The dialogue, though numerous, is appropriate where it is placed and is effectively making the story more interesting. Overall, I am very impressed with this work. Remember to keep calm and keep writing.

User avatar
Evander
Review
Evander wrote a review Review · Oct 7, 2014

Salutations, Ella! 'tis I Raven here for a... review. Oh, wow. It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry, I've had reviewers block. I'm still going to try and do the 'one review every other day' thing, but I might fail. So, here's a review!

Woah, what happened? So, different POV... Falyn this time. The whole fight scene was skipped? :o I wonder if there will be any flash backs in the chapter telling us about the fight. Because, it's a big part of the current story. I do wonder the reasons behind not telling the scene.

Oooh. I wonder how Sam's "aunt" is going to feel about the destroyed house. Is she not going to mind? Or is that part of the story not going to be touched? Because, wowe, it's been ripped apart.

NO. You did not kill Sam. I am not going to believe this, you are not killing him off seven chapters into the story. Like, please, can he be alive. I am reading as I go along, forgive me. Okay, he looks a little dead. Ella, you can't be that cruel... Well, Akia is taking this better than Fayln and me. However, she's the one taking care of him, so being strong is a good thing.

What happened to Fay's leg? Was it hurt? How was it hurt? We need that information to know what is wrong with her, otherwise we can't sympathize/emphasize with the character as much as we could.

CLOSE TO DEATH? Noelle, why? Please don't do that to us.

This is sorta a silly nitpick, and you could totally ignore this if you want. I feel like the paragraphs are a bit small, with an average of two to three sentences per paragraph. I think it's just me though. Thought I would point it out.

WAIT, ZEKE COULD HAVE... healed him? Seriously. I worried for nothing. Although, the simple magic spell that healed him seemed a little... over powered. Does it have any side effects? Is the caster drained for a while?

Well, that was sort of a short recap. Short, sweet and to the point.

CLIFFHANGER, REALLY. Okay. I have to eat dinner now! Keep on writing and I am sorry for the low quality review.

~Rae,

Noelle replied · Oct 9, 2014

Oh, Raven, you make me laugh ^_^ And the reason I didn't write the fight scene and mention Sam's "aunt" totally wasn't because I had no ideas and had to get the next chapter in >.>

Anyways... thanks for all your wonderful reviews! I always enjoy reading them :)

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review
TimmyJake wrote a review Review · Sep 21, 2014

Timmy here!

So the beginning was like, Woah! - the whole house is blooey. Not like I didn't expect that, with the whole spells and stuff going on all over the place the night before. As far as the description of that part goes, I wasn't too impressed. Normally, you paint such an accurate and vivid picture, but in that place, I felt like it was too generalizing. Almost like someone just went in and tore the place apart, but no specific damage. So let's look at this with heat or fire - so using that, and remembering what would happen if someone went in with a blowtorch, what would the place look like? Sure, everything would be blown apart and stuff, but it would be more specific. Like the wallpaper would be peeling, yes, but it would also have singed edges. I am assuming with spells, things work in a similar way, so I think you could tweak the descriptions a bit and make them more suited to the action and mayhem of the earlier moments. Maybe that makes sense? Sometimes I just ramble on and my point can get lost. So just make the description more specific and relating to the scene beforehand more, and I think it would be much more awesome. ^.^

Otherwise Akia wouldn’t bother with him.


Now this seemed rather weird. You mean that if Sam was dead, Akia wouldn't bother reviving him? Wait. How long has it been since the other scene? Has it been an entire night? It doesn't really say. If Sam wasn't breathing, I don't think any amount of magic would bring someone back from the dead if they have been gone that long, so perhaps it was immediately afterward and Falyn woke up immediately after the entire battle was over? You do say that it's been a lot longer than mere seconds, but you don't really tell how long longer really is, so it's hard for me to grasp the actual time that elapsed.

There seems to be a lot of tension between Akia and Zeke, even when things aren't emergency-like, they still go and battle back and forth over everything, which adds a lot to their characters, I think. I like how they constantly go back and forth, and it makes sense because they seemed like friendly enemies in the other chapters, and while I still don't really know much about Zeke's background (more in later?), I think their quibbles are very realistic and fun to listen to. xD I always like reading arguments, especially when they're just back and forth, back and forth - seeming without end. :P

So I thought it was a little strange that Mina was still there... and was still acting normal even though all this weirdness happened around her and she was so freaked out before. It wasn't too bad, but I thought it weird that she was level headed in this chapter, while I think she would have been somewhat frightened still, and perhaps a bit angry. And I think she would have been leaning over Falyn the entire time she was asleep, if they are best friends. She would have at least been sitting next to her when she awoke, but that's up to you. ^.^

I don't know of much else I can say, really. Livvy said a lot I would have said, and your style was very nice, and I love the little details and character development you are putting in here. Very nice. I love it. And the ending... so perfect! Even though it was an cliffhanger, which seems to be your thing, I loved it. Actually, cliff-hangers are my favorite. :D
~Darth Timmyjake

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Messenger
Review
Messenger wrote a review Review · Jun 29, 2014

No word count *pouts* Anywho, yeah I'm back. Have a little bit of time to get this chapter done, and then I'll get the rest later today. :) Let's get started.

“No,” Akia said firmly. Falyn sighed with relief. “But he’s close to it so if you’d just give me some space that’d be nice.”

You need a comma after "it"

OOOOOO_OOOOOOO Pollume don't exist. I should have known I guess. It should have been simple to guess that there was something fishy when you could see Pollume from Agathi. But alas, Lightport does, so we'll see what that's like.

I can't understand it. Like every single person in the world is a mage or seer. Are there no normal people? Generally you would think hat magic-casters, like mages, would be few and far between, but at the same time well-known. Here it seems, everyone can do magic of some kind, which is kind of crazy, and kind of scary. But at the same time, how does anyone die?
It seems as if everyone can do reviving spells and stuff, and it doesn't even look like most magic, except for the yellow thingy, can kill people. Well, I guess not even that killed Sam, just put him in a state of shock.

And you leave me on this cliffhanger when I have to go get ready for church and wait the whole day, just to see what happens. Grrrrrr. So I shall be back in approximately 8 hours. Baaaiiiiiii

~Messenger

User avatar
Alchemist
Review
Alchemist wrote a review Review · Jun 3, 2014

Hello!

So, Mina is a mage too? Are they all mages? I'm confused. You should also clear things about that memory spell, that got me a bit confused too.

But the greatest thing to critique here is...Falyns reaction when Akia told her the father she knew was not her real father.

“Which is…”


I mean really, what happened with you here? :D Falyn was more surprised that her real father she had only now learned about was in pollume than the fact the man that raised her whole her life wasn't her father. Also, she learned that two strangers knocked her father out, and judging by what you gave us by far, she really loved that man, father or not. I think this is a serious gap, isn't it?

Also where is aunt? It's clear that she sold them out but there could also be a possibility of guards learning they are hiding in the other way.

Positives: great writing once again. Hint on a Zekke-Akia relationship which would be really great; she likes to be in control and he is unpredictable and probably more capable than her from what i see.

And at last... the plot twist. This is genious. I always reconsider using word genious while reviewing, and I think this is the first time i decided to keep it.

I like where the storyline is going, but you got the gaps to fill in.

-Alchemist

User avatar
PeanutPhoebe
Review
PeanutPhoebe wrote a review Review · May 16, 2014

Wow, I didn't even realize you had another chapter out! I would have been doing this way sooner if I knew. First off, great job! I absolutely love how you're able to keep up the action and keep us interested in the story. You keep surprising us! (The readers/reviewers) You've got amazing plot twists. I love it! Honestly, I can't find much to complain about. I didn't notice any grammar errors, and the formatting was great. There were some instances that you had too much dialogue that didn't tell us who was speaking. It wasn't bad, but a few sentences I had to read again to make sure I knew which character was talking. But that's really my only complaint. You were descriptive, but not wordy. I can't wait to read another chapter! Let me know when Chapter 8 comes out!

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Holysocks
Review
Holysocks wrote a review Review · May 13, 2014

Hello! :-P

Honestly, I have been procrastinating. When I read this chapter the first time, I didn't think I could find anything to critique. But I've got a few things now! :-D

I'm glad Falyn listened to Akia about giving her some space. I really dislike it in stories when the person is like: No. I won't leave him!
They're always in the way too. That really annoys me. Thanks for not doing that. :-D

I find you use semi Collins a bit much in this chapter.

"I brought you along 'cause you're like us; like me."


That doesn't sound too bad, but with all the other semi Collins around it isn't as sharp as it could be. I think it might flow better if you used a bit more comas instead of semi Collins.

"Because I've never met you,"


She has met him already, she just doesn't know him.

I find it a little bit hard to believe that Akia can't cure Sam, in what, half an hour? And then Zeke comes along and literally snaps his fingers, and Sam's all better. I get that you want Zeke to prove his worth and stuff, but maybe try making him work a little harder.

I've noticed there's almost no sign that Falyn is upset about her father. Akia just told her that he had held Mina hostage... and Falyn is chuckling a moment later at Mina's pride. If there was proof that my Dad was a fony-balony, I would be freaking out! If everything you ever knew got swept out from under you, you can bet you would be pretty terrified and confused and that's probably the only thing you'd be thinking about for awhile.

And even when Akia tells Falyn that Archie isn't her real dad, she just shrugs it off.


Over all, this was a pretty cool chapter - things are a changing! I like this 'Lightport'... and cue the: dun dun DUN................

I can hardly wait to find out what happens next!

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · May 7, 2014

Hey Noelle!

*dances* I like reading new chapters! And this was definitely the BEST chapter so far, I loved it. So excuse me if this might be short, but there were very few things that I want to correct. There was the moment when Akia and Zeke were in each others face and all Zeke does is raise an eyebrow and fix Sam with a snap of his fingers... I loved that moment. It was so clear and easy to imagine. Great, really :) I only have four nitpicks for you as well, so you've been pretty thorough here!

Sam was lying there nearly dead and she couldn’t do anything about it.


I think there should be a comma after 'there' and 'dead'.

Sam was looking at the two of them, confusion showing right through.


Confusion showing right through what? I think maybe a phrase like 'confusion showing plainly on his face.' would be more suitable for this instead.

It was a muddle spell, Akia shared.


Careful with tags! Sometimes less and more simple can be better. In this case I don't think shared was the right word to use, it seemed kind of awkward. Maybe use explained or said instead, up to you. I like explained most ^.^

“Do you see those buildings in the distance,”


This is a question so it needs a question mark!

I was thinking as I read this... Mina came up with the memory spell? But in the previous chapters Mina was just an innocent mate of Fayln's which means she had no knowledge of magic or spells at all, so how did she come up with the spell? I really think I need some explaining done to me as to how Mina knows all about magic, and how when they knew Zeke had it too. I feel like I'm missing something... unless Mina also works magic herself? D:

Apart from a small awkward tag the dialogue was wonderful :) The pacing is perfect and we are learning more and more about the story. I am wondering though, how does the Pollume not exist? It's there, just called the Lightport by them and probably has a different meaning or history. Maybe Akia said, the Pollume doesn't exist as you know it. It's the Lightport, and end there or something.

Also, I am a little confused. Is the person who appeared to be Falyn's dad someone who was pretending to be him with a glamour, or was he actually /always/ who Falyn believed to be her dad, but was just an imposter? That got me a little bit muddled. I guess it's because I wanted to know if the father she was going to meet was one she had never met before...?

I am a little muddled with some of the information in the previous chapters where I think the story needs some more explaining. But that aside the dialogue is flawless, I am loving the characters and you can really see what defines them as their own person. Also, I can't wait for more next week! Let me know when it is up :D

Deanie x



In a dream you are never eighty.
— Anne Sexton