Across Worlds - Chapter 23 Part 1

Akia

Her eyes flickered open to the blinding white light that filled the room. She squeezed them shut to block it out, but it just clouded her dark vision. She couldn’t escape it.

The memories had stopped, thank God. The last one she remembered was Rhys’s final warning that she should stay out of his way. At that moment she wasn’t willing to stand back and watch everyone else fight. But now that she was lying in the infirmary only half conscious, she was seriously considering it.

“Akia, you have a visitor.”

Akia relaxed under the soft voice of the nurse. The girl had to be only twenty, twenty-one years old. She wasn’t like the other nurses, old and usually grumpy. It was the older women in Lightport that were usually the nurses. Mainly since everyone younger than thirty was in training.

Akia opened her eyes, trying to ignore the sharp pain the light caused her, and picked up her head to see Phillip standing over her.

“Hey, kid,” Phillip said, a rare grin on his lips. “Feeling alright?”

“Not well enough to fight.”

Phillip chuckled and sat on the side of her bed. “I’m not asking you to fight. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Those pellets are something nasty.”

“I know,” she groaned, letting her head fall back onto the pillow. The pillow engulfed her in a soft cloud, helping fight off the pounding headache. “But why? I know how the pellets work, I think, but why do they affect me like this?”

“It’s all energy. Each pellet is jam packed with it. And energy affects magic. Magicians were once mages, which means their magic came from that energy. So when the pellets enter your system it feeds on the energy already inside of you. That’s how it kills you. It all eventually builds up and then when it becomes too much, it explodes. It’s actually quite nasty.”

He added the last part in a small voice, as if he suddenly realized that what he was saying was only making Akia feel worse. She didn’t want to hear about energy exploding inside of her. She didn’t want to hear that there was no way to survive.

No; she wanted answers. Phillip was one of the smartest and most powerful magicians. Surely he’d have some kind of answer for what was going to happen to her.

“So I’m going to die?” Akia asked in such a quiet voice that she wasn’t sure even Phillip would’ve heard her. But saying it louder would’ve made it absolute. And she wasn’t ready for that.

Phillip looked away nervously. “No. There are people that have survived it.”

“But no one’s survived the exposure that I’ve had.” Akia guessed. Her heart dropped when Phillip shook his head. There was a part of her that knew she had no chance of surviving. She wanted to think otherwise, though.

What would death be like? She hoped it would come quickly. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to cope with any more suffering. Nothing in her life had been this terrible.

“So,” Akia said, trying to distract herself from the terrible thoughts swirling through her mind. “Falyn’s okay? Did the pellets affect her too?”

Phillip shifted. “She’s fine. They didn’t get her as much as they got you. Not sure why, really. She woke up with some amnesia.”

“I was out,” she realized suddenly. “How long was I out?”

“Two days. Falyn was out that long too.”

“Damn,” she muttered. “Do you know how much we could’ve gotten done in that time? Falyn still doesn’t know exactly what’s going on…”

“We’ll take care of that,” Phillip said. “I pulled up George and Layna. They still have a lot of training to complete, but we need more people. Rhys isn’t going to come to the fight without a horde of Hund Warriors.”

Akia’s heart stopped at the sound of George’s name. She knew him all too well; they had trained together. He wasn’t exactly the best person for the job.

The last time she had seen George was four years ago. They had been assigned to stalk out Rhys’s fortress.

George was always a strong headed kid. He was only twelve at the time, just old enough to start training. Despite his young age, Phillip had been training him for years before. His parents decided to move to the edge of the world and left George in Phillip’s care. Akia felt bad for the kid. Her parents were taken from her years ago, but she couldn’t begin to compare her feelings to how George must have felt being basically abandoned by his parents.

Before she could stop it, another memory flashed through her mind. It was another one she had buried deep within her subconscious. She tried her hardest to fight it, but it poked right through.

“That’s it?”

“Shh,” she reprimanded. “Yeah, that’s it. But if you don’t quit talking we’re gonna be found out.”

She and George were squatting behind a small set of bushes outside the gates that led to Rhys’s fortress. It was a large building that reminded Akia of a castle. But instead of grandiose architecture and brilliant beauty, it was made of hard, gray material and arranged in several square sections. There were barely any windows and the ones that were there opened up nothing but darkness to the world.

He fortress was anything but welcoming.

Hund Warriors stalked the hill in front of the building, large batons in their hands. Akia knew that they barely used them, but when they did it was a dangerous hit to take – she had been in enough fights with them in her lifetime. The batons were almost as dangerous as any magic that the Warriors might’ve held within their hearts.

They each wore the same outfits that they always did: those black robes that covered up a purple top and purple pants. Didn’t they ever get tired of wearing the same thing?

Just as Akia was planning a way into the fortress, the front doors swung open with a definite creak. Rhys himself stepped out, looking around the hill area.

“Men, assemble.” He snapped. The Warriors followed orders immediately, abandoning their patrol and gravitating to their leader.

“Now’s our chance,” George whispered excitedly. “They’re all distracted. We can sneak in easily.” He moved to get up, but Akia pulled him back down.

“Are you stupid? Don’t you see Rhys standing right there? Do you think he’s just gonna let us by?”

George hesitated. “Maybe he won’t see us?”

She gave him such an intense glare that he squirmed in his spot. She brought a finger to her lips and turned her attention back to Rhys.

“I have a very special job for you,” he said, his smooth voice resonating throughout the area. “And you must not fail me. Failure will result in something much worse than your greatest nightmares.”

His threat was so real and sincere that Akia could feel fear creeping up her spine. She knew what he was capable of. And she knew that he wouldn’t hold back, even against his own men.

“You all know those that are opposing us.” He paused, no doubt waiting for the Warriors to respond. When they remained silent, he continued. “They’re looking for us. I’m sure they’ve sent their scouts by now so you need to keep an extra close eye out. If anyone makes it past that gate, you have failed.

“I expect you to start with those two.”

Akia’s mouth dropped as Rhys’s finger pointed directly to where she and George were hiding. How had he known that they were there? It was impossible.

“Well there goes our cover,” George grumbled. “Time to take action, huh?” He closed his lips tight, but there was a certain twinkle in his eye. Akia couldn’t believe it; this skinny, frail, twelve year old was actually looking forward to a fight.

Akia’s eyes darted from one Hund Warrior to the other. As she studied them, she realized the confusion in their eyes. They had no idea what Rhys was talking about. They didn’t know where she and George were hiding.

“George,” she hissed. “We can still make it out—" She stopped short as the boy jumped up from his spot and rushed to the gates. He wrapped his hands around the bars. After a few seconds, they began to melt until there was a puddle of cool metal at his feet.

Akia cursed under her breath and followed him out. Making rash decisions was her forte. He could’ve at least waited for her mark before rushing off to a suicide mission.

The battle was a blur, lights flashing through the dark night, nearly missing both her and George. Adrenaline took over as she fought through the Warriors, forcing her way closer to Rhys.

But as each Warrior fell, another emerged and took its place. It was too much for the two of them.

Before they knew it, they were surrounded. Akia was ready to fight her way out, but she lost all nerve when Rhys walked forward. There was something about him that made her lose all nerve. She had always seen the evil deep within him, even when they were still friends. It was that side of him that made her most terrified.

“What did you expect? Thought you could just waltz in and destroy everything?” He chuckled and looked at George. “Guess they don’t train ‘em as well as they used to.”

“Leave him alone,” Akia growled. “He’s just a kid.”

“I’m no kid,” George said resentfully. “I’m almost thirteen.”

“Well then,” Rhys said, a cold smile danced across his lips. “You wouldn’t mind if I treated you like an adult then, right?” He held out his palm, green light burning there.

Akia pulled herself out of her memories before she could hit something tragic. She had already seen memories that she thought were buried forever. Anything else would just make the pain worse.

She turned to look at Phillip. “Why do these memories keep coming back?”

He looked at her curiously. “Memories?”

“I remembered my family… and Rhys. And just now I remembered when Rhys tortured George and ther was nothing I could do. I’ve tried so hard to forget those memories. Why are they back?”

Phillip shrugged. “I guess the pellets have been really weighing you down. It takes a lot for you to forget stuff like that. With your guard down, your mind finds things for you to dwell on.”

But Akia didn’t want to dwell on the past. It was the past for a reason. There was no point on dwelling on the mistakes of her past self.

----------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,790

Comments & reviews · 7
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AdmiralKat
Review

Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...

Is Akia the only person that gets flashbacks or something? I would think that you would introduce some new character's perspective, say like Sam and then have him have a flashback or have him have a dream bout that. I really would like to see what Sam's perspective would be like. Would he be admitting to like someone? Would he be like I really like Akia or I've had an admiration for Falyn. That would be so cool to see what all that would be like. I just really wish that someone else would have a flashback. Like let Rhys have another flashback!

I really want to know more about the Hunds Warriors. Who are they and what do they want? What are they aiming to accomplish throughout this hunt. I am confused about who hates who. You haven't been repeating the names enough so that it would stick into my head so now I'm really confused on what place does what and who the Hunds Warriors are. Like I've read this very thoroughly and yet I still don't get the conflict all too well. Maybe when all this is explained to Falyn, then you might be able to refresh everybody's memories on who hates who? That would make the novel a lot more effective so I would really have a side that I may want to defend or fight for! Also has Rhys somehow taken a side or gotten the old city to work for him? If you could explain all of this, it would be really helpful.

What happened to George? Did Rhys attack him? Why would you ever stop on something like that? Do I need to call you cliffhanger Noelle or something? I just wanna know what happens in this story! I'll just have to....

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

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SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.

Tiny thing, something you actually suggested to me in Syrin, but when Phillip was talking with Akia, I imagined him speaking out with a more arrogant and nonchalant tone. Then the next line goes to say his voice becomes smaller. I feel like maybe you could do some kind of pause or something to show that Phillip is reconsidering telling Akia about her probably exploding.

Something I want to mention before I forget is that I like how Akia thinks of George. Phillip mentions him and she instantly thinks he's not right for the job, even though Phillip doesn't necessarily say what he's going to be doing. Sure they're friends, but obviously Akia is skeptical of him. (And since I'm evil and read ahead, I know George acts pretty weird later. Great foreshadowing there.)

Of course I've mauled this over before, how Akia regrets being friends with Rhys. And how he's like Lotzo. Just needing a hug. But I'm especially intrudged by how Akia mentions that she always loses her nerve around him. Of course anything's possible in the world of a writer, so could it be that Akia wants Rhys to realize his mistakes and come back to her? He seems almost like a nice guy. Not the almost part.

I swear, you, Artemis and R4 ate just searching to tear my heart to shreds. This is wonderfully written and I can feel Akia's pain and hopelessness. (Of course I know what happens, but forget that for now xD) Anywho. Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

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TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here

This review is going to be short as there isn't much I can say, I think. Your reviewers have done an excellent job grabbing everything I may have said, so let's just dive in and see if I can unearth anything new, eh?

It was the older women in Lightport that were usually the nurses


Cut out It was in the beginning of this part. Doesn't add anything and takes up valuable space.

“It’s all energy. Each pellet is jam packed with it. And energy affects magic. Magicians were once mages, which means their magic came from that energy. So when the pellets enter your system it feeds on the energy already inside of you. That’s how it kills you. It all eventually builds up and then when it becomes too much, it explodes. It’s actually quite nasty.”


Why thank you, Doctor. There is this golden rule... somewhere. I would have to dig it out to show you. It's got this purdy case and a really, really nice frame and-- Oh. the rule. Don't let your characters lecture, or be windbags. I know you have to put this information out there for the reader to digest, but is there any other way you can say it? I think you can figure out a way of putting the information out there without having it seem as though Phillip is reading from an encyclopedia to give Akia this information. Even if Akia interrupted in the middle of what he is saying - that would work just fine. Anything to break up the monotony of his speech would be very good, and keep things lively.

No; she wanted answers


O.O And that is the weirdest place I have ever seen a semi-colon. I think a comma or period would have worked better there.

Falyn was out that long too.”


As long as you are alive, there should be a comma before too. hee-hee

another memory flashed through her mind. It was another


another is redundant. tsk tsk

Akia knew that they barely used them


When you go about editing these chapters, look for words like that which in many places clog up your writing, but don't add anything to your story or sentence. Here is a case of clogging up your writing, and just superfluous. It doesn't add anything to have that there and it jerks the sentence a bit.

Akia pulled herself out of her memories before she could hit something tragic


Whaaaaaa? This part confused me a little bit, because it made things sound as though she could pull herself out with not problems whatsoever, at will - just decide she didn't want to be in the dream anymore. Well, she didn't want to be in it in the first place, right? She hated being sucked into the dreams. So why isn't she pulling herself out if it's so easy? If she could just do it whenever she wanted, I think she would have way before then.

I understand why all the dreams are happening now. I am still not sure if I like the idea, because it brought the story to a standstill and the dreams are a lot to take in, but I understand why they are there. I do admit that as they go on, they become less and less strange to see and easier to read through and digest the info. Perhaps you need to just ease into the dreams a little better, and do them less often at first and then build them up slowly. That way you could still do all of Akia's dreams, just like you want, and your jerky reviewers would be pleased, like meeee. Because I don't think for me the number of dreams was the issue, or the fact that Akia was having them - nothing like that. The issue for me was that we are about 200 pages into this story (somewhere around there? Actually, I am curious. how far?) and this is only when we got a memory, so it jerked the story around for a moment before settling in.

melt until there was a puddle of cool metal at his feet.


Wouldn't that metal be super hot? O.O

I find there isn't anything more I can say. You write such amazing chapters, Noelle. I was really sad when I found out that Akia is dying and she knows it. But I think she did an amazing job with her reaction - which, true to form, wasn't thinking of her as much as Falyn. That is why we love her. <3 *squishhugs Akia* I am still hoping she gets better, though. :(

~Darth Timmyjake

Sorry for the late reply...

Yessss! Someone understands the dreams! Just wondering, do you know why all of these dreams are happening now and why they're dreams and not just memories? (like, flashbacks instead of something she tells us) I'm just wondering because I have a certain reason that it happened that way, but I'm not sure if it's actually coming across right.

You're such a great help! :) now if only I can find the time to return the favor with your novel

I just assumed they were because of her sickness, fading in and out of consciousness and all that.... Am I right? :D

you take your time and dun worry about Affinity

Yeah, that's part of it. Akia has worked so hard to block out those memories that the only time they come back is when she's not strong enough to stop them. Yay yay, someone actually got it! xD

I shall worry about it :P It's good and I really want to read more (which would involve reviewing it too

hee-hee so whenever you get the time, and not before. Understand? No pressure

Yayyy! At least I sort of got it. :D

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Holysocks
Review

Hello Noelle! Happy Review Day!!! :-P

Akia is seeing her life flash before her eyes. O.O I really, really like how you're showing this very small, scared part of Akia. Just the whole atmosphere of Phillip talking to Akia, and the way he's uncomfortable with the idea of Akia dieing, while she's just wishing he'd tell her everything. It's really sad and humbling.
I guess Akia and George aren't as good a friends as I'd thought, at least to Akia. Perhaps George sees their relationship differently.

I'm not sure that this last flash back was entirely needed. It's nice to know about Georges past with Akia, but I don't think it had to be a flash back... because it kind of gets to be a bit too much. I'd like to know what's happening in the present most. You could quickly tell us about the flash back, and explain what it was about. I know, I know, I said tell. But sometimes you do have to tell things, showing can sometimes get to be too much, and you end up showing us things that we don't really need to see.

Especially in this case where you've showed us a lot of flash backs. What often works really nice is after a few flash backs, or dreams people will say something like: She had another dream that night, only this time.... and so on.

After that, I loved this! :-D Keep it up!!! I can't believe it's this far into the competition! And who cares about the competition- I can't believe where you are in your novel!!!! You're so awesome Noelle.

-Socks

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:08 am

Hi Noelle!

Oh noes, I am slipping behind again when it comes to these chapters D:

I just wanted to say, this was such a sad chapter. I really, really hope Akia isn't going to die! I've just started to like her more and more as a character and now you throw this at us? Way to mess with my feels D: As well as that, it was good to get an understanding of how the pellets work and what they actually do to the body. It may not be the cause of all the memories she is experiencing, which is something I wanted to know, but they are doing a lot of damage to her body. We also got to see the relation between Akia and George which was something I was curious to know about. He did seem like a side character before this, which made me oh so grateful for this chapter.

It was the older women in Lightport that were usually the nurses. Mainly since everyone younger than thirty was in training.


I know this is supposed to be a fleeting thing and not the main idea of the story, but you did strike up my curiosity. If everyone is supposed to be away fighting and training and this person isn't, doesn't Akia wonder why? I did. I wondered if it because they had some disability or injury, or if they just were decreasing the fighting efforts for some reason. So, even if though this is something just mentioned in passing, bear with me when I say it sounded worth investigating.

It’s actually quite nasty.”


In his previous lot of dialogue he also described the happenings as nasty. He has more vocabulary than that! Get him to describe it differently this time, or try and use a synonym here to help mix up the wording a bit. You know how I am with repetition ;)

doesn’t know exactly what’s going on…”


Swap the position of the second and third word here. It's not a big thing, but it would help the sentence read smoother.

I was curious when I heard about these Hund Warriors because they are a new element added to the story. Or maybe they just didn't have names before this. But I wondered why they were called the Hund Warriors. I was also left wondering why they were so loyal to Rhys, and how he could've possibly convinced them to join his side and share his viewpoint of things? Manipulation? Lying to them? Or do they believe it is in their own benefit to be siding with him? I know you did give us a description of their clothing and vague appearance, but I still felt like we needed more. In my mind they are faceless, meaning we need some more description of their faces and skin tone. I also wouldn't mind a bit more on their physique. Physique can tell you a lot about what kind of fighter they are.

He fortress was anything but welcoming.


I think you meant for the first word to be a 'the'.

“Well there goes our cover,”


Comma needed after the word 'well'.

but she lost all nerve when Rhys walked forward. There was something about him that made her lose all nerve.


I am sure you can see the repetition of the phrase. Change the second one to something else, maybe?

I wonder how Rhys does know where they are; I bet the answer to that has something to do with magic. Either way, I would love to know!

Brilliant chapter, plenty of emotion and perfect deliverance of what is like to be very sad news :( I hope you keep up this writing, and I can't wait to read the next part :D

Deanie x

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PeanutPhoebe
Review

So the memories are important later on?? Is that what you were implying to r4p17?? I do kinda feel the same way though, they do kinda get on your nerves and it seems to just drag everything out, even if they are interesting, which they are! Another beautifully written chapter!! I can't really review this one because it's too awesome, something about you that doesn't surprise me anymore! :) Sorry for this not being a review :/

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r4p17
Review
r4p17 wrote a review · Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:06 pm

Knight r4 here to review this work, Noelle! I am finally getting to this chapter! I confess I am a little bit behind in reviewing the novels I am following! I feel a little guilty about taking so long, but I'm doing the best I can. Anyways. I better get reviewing! I hope that this helps you!

And energy affects magic. Magicians were once mages, which means their magic came from that energy.
You might want to elaborate on the difference between magicians and mages, at least in this world, a little bit more. To some people all those terms are the same, though it mostly depens on the world and its magic system.

“But no one’s survived the exposure that I’ve had.” Akia guessed.
Shouldn't there be a comma at ten end of them dialogue? Either way I think it would sound better if you out an ellipse there!

“Damn,” she muttered.
Again, you need to mark this down for language!

Her parents were taken from her years ago,
You might want to clarify that you are talking about Akia. At first I was a little confused. :P

Before she could stop it, another memory flashed through her mind.
Really? Another memory?! I would kind of like to get on with the story a little bit. Now it almost seems like you are forcing it on us. Background isn't the point of the story after all.

How had he known that they were there? It was impossible.
[/quote] Scrying... that would be my number one guess! It isn't that hard to guess for a magician is it?

Well, overall this first part of the chapter was pretty good, though I would kind of like to leave the memories behind. I am getting as frustrated as Akia! :P It was well written, but for some reason I want to get back to the main story if you know what I mean.

I also sort of thought that this part could stand alone as its own chapter. It was just about the right length for one. Idk. Anyways... Happy writing!!! :D

This review courtesy of
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though I would kind of like to leave the memories behind...It was well written, but for some reason I want to get back to the main story if you know what I mean.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying that! I was waiting to see what everyone's reactions would be to another memory. I understand how it can get boring and annoying after a while. But hopefully you'll pick up on why the memories are important as the chapters progress. Well, let's put it this way, you should pick up on it. If you don't, I've done something wrong ;)



The necessary beauty in life is in giving yourself to it completely, only later will it clarify itself and become coherent.
— Richard Linklater