Across Worlds - Chapter 28 Part 1

Falyn

Something was bothering Akia, Falyn could tell. Akia had been hiding from something, or someone, in the lobby. The fact that she hadn’t said anything about it only made Falyn more curious. Akia had kept secrets from her before; what was to stop her from doing it now?

No one spoke as they made their way out of the building. Falyn was still thinking about what it was Akia was hiding now and she was sure Mina was doing the same. She’d have to talk to Mina, her sister – it was still weird to think of her like that – about it later. They’d be able to come up with a plan to get the secrets together.

The second Falyn stepped out into the open, her jaw dropped. She had spent many nights dreaming about what Pollume – Lightport would be like, but none of her dreams gave the place justice.

The building was set in the middle of the world it seemed, on a tiny hill, not quite high enough to see everything. All around her were trees and farms. There seemed to be more farms than actual neighborhoods that she was used to back in Agathi. From what could be seen from the hill, there was only two neighborhoods.

“My house is this way,” Akia said, motioning to the right. “Maybe a ten minute walk. Not sure, really. It’s become second nature.”

Mina looked at her curiously. “Wait, you don’t live in that building?”

Akia shook her head. “Nope. Only Phillip and the trainees. Trust me, the less time I spend in that building the better. I can only spend so much time around those kids.”

Neither Falyn nor Mina responded. Falyn was too preoccupied with the surroundings to hold a conversation. Soon they’d be walking through the world, getting to see all of what she had missed out on growing up.

The thought was getting easier to harbor as time went on. The more time she spent in Lightport, the more she felt at home. Agathi had become a distant memory. She had spent so many years there, but they had been fake, a false life. None of it had made sense to her until now.

Akia led them down the hill and towards a road that goes through a neighborhood. Could that be where Akia’s house is? Falyn didn’t know why, but she always assumed that Akia lived in an apartment building. A house just seemed too settled in for Akia.

Unlike in Agathi, the houses here were each different. Falyn could see something different in each of the houses. One had potted flowers lining the steps. Another had pink shutters. It would’ve bothered her, but the siding was white so it matched well enough. Yet another had a swing on the porch, swaying in the slight wind.

Would she have grown up in a neighborhood like this if she hadn’t gotten shipped off to Agathi? Maybe this was where she had grown up. It only felt more right as they made their way down the street.

“Why do you think she’s taking us to her house?” Mina whispered after a while. Falyn only shrugged.

“She said it was something important. Must be a tool of some sort that’ll help us fight off Rhys.”

“Well, that’s the thing—" Mina hesitated before continuing. “Why is it important that we fight Rhys? Isn’t this just Phillip’s fight? I mean, I understand that you have some important powers, but you don’t need me around for that.”

Falyn studied her. “But I couldn’t do it without you. You do know that, right?”

“It sure doesn’t seem like it.” Mina muttered. Falyn looked at her flabbergasted, but she only sighed. “You’ve spent all of your time with either Akia or Zeke. Hell, you don’t even hang out with Sam anymore. And I know how much you were into him.”

“People change,” Falyn responded quietly. It was true, she had been into Sam at one point. But since they escaped Agathi, they’d drifted apart. Sam seemed to rekindle his friendship with Akia and Falyn had found Zeke. The situation had changed.

Come to think of it, Sam hadn’t really been making an effort with her lately. She could remember times back in Agathi when they would have conversations over coffee or dinner. That’s when she had believed that he wanted to be around her. But once Akia came along, he seemed to forget about her. Was he only pretending to like her to stay close to her and keep her safe? She was starting to believe that that was the reason.

They’d made it through the neighborhood before she knew it and they started walking by a rice farm. It was July so the rice would be almost ready for harvest. Falyn remembered reading about growing rice in some book a while ago. It was planted in April and harvested four or five months later. Water had to be flushed into the rows of plants so that they would get enough nutrients and sunlight. It fought off the weeds.

There were three other rice farms surrounding that farm, each of the plants growing at the same rate and same efficiency. They’d turn out some good rice.

Just beyond the rice farms were farm plots with towering green stalks. Falyn couldn’t tell what kind of plants they were. Maybe wheat or corn. But how could it be that rice and wheat were growing in the same area? Wheat was planted in the fall and grew until the winter. It was halfway through summer.

Must be magic. Falyn decided. It seemed that everyone in Lightport used magic like it was no big deal. In Agathi they didn’t throw their magic around that easily. It was saved for special occasions and specific reasons.

“We’re almost there,” Akia said. She hadn’t spoken up until that point. “Just a short walk down the hill.” Falyn hadn’t been looking ahead of them; she was too busy taking in the scenery.

It wasn’t until then that she noticed how unstable the land was there. Hills were common place and most of the flatlands were dedicated to farms. Life had to be interesting in Lightport. If you weren’t a farmer, where did you work?

They reached the crest of the hill and started trekking down. There seemed to be a whole new world down there. Buildings were stuffed together, mixed in with houses. Just like the houses in the neighborhood they passed through earlier, these houses were each unique in their own way.

As they got closer, Falyn was reminded of the market back in Agathi. It had almost the same feel, but was definitely not reserved for commerce. People popped in and out of buildings, laughing and smiling like there wasn’t a care in the world.

They must not know. Falyn thought. Of course they didn’t know. If Phillip wasn’t all too keen about telling her about what was going on, why would he want the rest of the world knowing?

But they should know. Rhys had attacked almost all of the worlds: Vertfay, Sedula, even Mersch, a small, little known world across the river from Sedula. It was home of the shapeshifters. It made sense that he would set his sights on Lightport next.

Akia stopped suddenly and Falyn almost ran into her. Turning to look at them, Akia demanded, “No making eye contact. I want to get through there without any questions. Got it?”

“Well you really care about others don’t you?” Mina mumbled. Akia narrowed her eyes, but didn’t respond. Instead, she turned and stalked father down the road.

Mina sighed. “She’s a piece of work.” Falyn didn’t know how to respond, so she laughed slightly and wrapped her arm in Mina’s. Together they took off after Akia.

It took all of Falyn’s willpower to not make eye contact with anyone. Not that she really wanted anyone to recognize her, but she couldn’t escape them. There were side looks, whispers, pointing. The crowds stopped moving so quickly and almost seemed to be transfixed by the two of them. What they were thinking, Falyn could only imagine. Despite Phillip and Akia having their secrets, she was sure that the public knew about her.

Soon enough they had made their way out of the crowded area and were trekking past more houses. It had been almost ten minutes and Falyn was sure that they’d reach their destination soon. Akia was still out in front, walking with purpose.

“Just a few more,” she called back to them. Before Falyn could even look ahead to guess which house it was, Akia stopped in front of a house with green siding. It was a light green, a color that seemed to match the grass surrounding the building. The porch was made of dark wood that complimented the green all too well. It was a beautiful house.

Akia led them up the steps, but stopped and turned to face them when she reached the door. “This is my house, but the people you’re going to find inside are only here for you.”

Falyn tried to make sense of what she had just been told, but couldn’t figure it out. Akia smiled before turning back and knocking on the door four times. Shortly after, the door creaked open to reveal a man and a woman holding hands. Tears welled up in the woman’s eyes when she looked at Falyn.

“Falyn, Mina,” she breathed. “It’s been so long!” She rushed forward and wrapped the two of them in a tight hug. Falyn felt strange in the woman’s arms, but then realization flooded over her.

“Mom?”

-------------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,611

Comments & reviews · 8
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AdmiralKat
Review

Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let us see what we have right here...

The way that you described that the houses were different, really displayed that they weren't that different. I mean, if you look at any neighborhood around me, every single one of these houses are completely different. They may have a theme of brick or something but they will all have different color bricks or something like that. Now since, over at LightPort, it is so "different" between the house just because of a swing set or something, then I can only imagine how uniform Agatha is. Do they all have the same kind off bed or something? DO THEY WEAR THE SAME CLOTHES? I'm more or less exaggerating this based off Falyn's preference of different. If you were to say all the houses looked different, then just help me imagine the different styles of houses and the different colors of brick!

OH MY GOSH! You are talking about wet rice in here. Why do you do this to me? Rice has been haunting me right now because in my AP Human Geography class, we have been talking a lot about rice. You could have talked about any other type of food and you talked about wet rice. Now that you've said this, I can now assume that they live in some sort of area that has a climate similar to China. (I know a lot about rice and this knowledge scares me). Oh and just letting you know that wheat can be grown in the summer. There is a thing called the spring wheat where you plant the wheat in early spring and then harvest it in late summer. (I also know a lot about wheat). You need to do some research before you write. :P

How can Falyn just assume that the person is her mom? How does she know that it is her mom and not her secret nanny? You never know... 0-o

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

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r4p17
Review
r4p17 wrote a review · Sun Dec 28, 2014 10:29 pm

Hey Noelle, knight r4 here here for yet another reveiw. It seems that a lot of people have been reviewing today... I wonder why? Anyways, I suppose I better get reviewing!

She’d have to talk to Mina, her sister – it was still weird to think of her like that – about it later.
This doesn't flow verry well the way it is written. I suggest that you take out the prepositional phrase, "about it". That would make it sound so much better! :P

The building was set in the middle of the world it seemed, on a tiny hill,
You need to put parentheses or commas around "it seemed" because it is an appositive.

There seemed to be more farms than actual neighborhoods that she was used to back in Agathi.
I think you left out a word or two here. It doesn't make much sense. I think you meant that there she was used to there being more neighborhoods, in Agathi, than farms, but in Lighport it was the other way around.

None of it had made sense to her until now.
Since I am focusing mainly on grammar in this review I will be nitpicky and say that you shouldn't have an it without giving it an antecedent. It should be Nothing had made sense to her until now. I think.

and towards a road that goes through a neighborhood. Could that be where Akia’s house is?
You went into the present tense right here. It is an easy fix. We're you writing something else in the present tense around this time, by chance? It is the second chapter in a row that you lapsed into this tense.

There were three other rice farms surrounding that farm
I think you see the problem. It stands out like it was red. (Actually it is)!

It wasn’t until then that she noticed how unstable the land was there.
What exactly do you mean by unstable? I am a little unclear on that. I'm not saying you should take it out, I just want to figure out what you mean by it.

Yesh! I love how you end the chapter! This one was a better one! And it wasn't even a cliffhanger! (Sort of)... anhyhoo, I am still really excited about what will happen next. And I'm also wondering what happened to Seth. You sort of got on that and then forgot about it, or so it seems. I can never tell where you will go next. But you do have me interested. Happy writing!!! :D (And no more cliffhangers!)

As an aside I would like to say I'm sorry if all the grammar nitpicks didn't help if they were already mentioned. This chapter did have a lot of errors though, surprisingly.

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Fri Dec 05, 2014 11:15 am

Hi Noelle!

I am definitely going to have to keep this review short and sweet because there really isn't much for me to say here at all that hasn't been mentioned. This was one of the filler chapters where we got a lovely description of the setting and got to know more about what Falyn thinks about everything going on around her. And, we also get to see her family. Once again you just had to end this part on a cliffhanger, huh? I guess your readers are probably used to it at this point though :P

In the first two paragraphs we get the same two ideas repeated multiple times in different words, and it gets a bit repetitive. You can also see this happening just by counting how may times someone says 'secret' in that part as well. It would be nice if you could find some synonyms to replace it or cut down on the amount of words there.

I also think we could delve a bit deeper onto her analysis of her friendship with Sam. Does this mean she has confessed to loving Zeke then? And yes, people do change but I could imagine her being on to think about more, and try to assure Mina that she is her sister and always will be, and nothing can change that. Seeing her leaving that open with her reassurance was a bit strange. It would of been nice to see some friendly or compassion there as well.

I don't think I can find anything else that I would want to get rid of, so great job and I look forward to reading more!

Deanie x

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SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.

While reading through this, I really like being able to see Lightport through Falyn's perspective. Of course, to Akia it's all the usual. Not only do we learn about what life is like in Lightport, but Agathi as well. Just by her mentioning it's unusual to see all the houses with different style shows us more if just how controlled Agathi is. All the houses looking the same is actually kind of a big deal. You don't quite get to express yourself as much.

While the two were talkin, Mina points out that she hasn't been spending as much time with her as before, and once again I don't believe this is true. Just before Akia said that the two were chatting away on the walk down the stairs. And I'm pretty sure an hour passed at the most since Falyn woke up. But I do after with her point about Sam and Falyn drifting apart. (When Falyn said 'she found Zeke', my first thought was, "More like Rhys plotted for him to seeingly appear in her lap." Oh she has no idea.

So, it seems like the river between Lightport and Agathi is like the transdimensional gateway between all the worlds? I guess it makes sense, but then I wonder why they are considered worlds and not just seperate countries or states. For instance, Kentucky and Ohio are on a river border, but I don't think they're separate worlds. I'm not sure if this was mentioned or not, but it would be nice to know.

And finally they meet <3 After long last maybe we can figure out what happened to Falyn and Mina and why (and when) they were sent away. I understand its for their protection, but Mina too? She doesn't seem as important (though I still love her.) Only way to find out is to continue on! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

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Holysocks
Review

Hey!

For a minute there, I thought we weren't going to meet their parents until the next part! That was a close one!

That was kind of interesting, how Akia didn't want to talk to anyone... especially since these people might have been in the memories of her childhood. But then, at the same time, it almost makes sense because it might be too emotional. It sounds to me like Akia is just wanting to keep to herself for a bit, and not get reminded of everything from everyone. Or, perhaps she was just in a hurry.

I think I may have said this before, but it really is important... I find that a lot of the time it is indicated that something is going to happen in the next chapter, due to a cliff hanger or something else, but then it doesn't happen. It feels like certain scenes keep getting pushed back, and pushed back. Like this meeting with their parents, I would have thought that it would have been a lot sooner.... like five chapters ago or something. Just think about it, maybe. :-D

she turned and stalked father down the road.


I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself... Akia's a father stalker!!! xD

I'm looking forward to reading the next one! I'm interested to see what Falyn and Mina's reactions are going to be towards their parents and all!

Keep it up, Noelle!!!

-Socks

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Collideascope
Review

Hey,

So I've been semi quietly following this story and so far its pretty good. So my nitpicks this story are mostly with punctuation. Simply because I could find no spelling errors (Trust me I looked, even ran the piece through Google docs to make sure) I would like to focus on the story however. Yes looking at the story we need to talk..........YOU CAN"T LEAVE ME ON SUCH A CLIFFHANGER It makes me saddddd. You are a truly evil author. My shows leave me on hiatus and you leave me here. Its really sad. But I won't try to tear apart this story because its good and I have experienced worse cliff hangers. Keep writing!
Sincerely,
Collideascope

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zazafee Review
zazafee wrote a review · Mon Nov 17, 2014 2:21 pm

"Something was bothering Akia, Falyn could tell" So smart starting. I think it will be more interesting next part. Full of curiosity and joy. May be when the reached at a new place the crest of the hill and started trekking down i cant imagine how they feel! because that was a really like a new world to them, So good work, I will be waiting for the next part

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TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here!

So I see what you have done in this chapter. >.< Not only did you give us such a brilliant path to follow in the mind of Falyn, almost like a connect-the-dots puzzle in her mind, but then you gave us a cliff-hanger at the end of it all. Now I hate you. Such brilliant cliffhanger, and one that makes me look forward to the next chapter sooo well. Something you do so perfectly - always. I think it's one of your rudest writing qualities, really. Doing amazing cliffhangers. Anywho, we were doing a review, weren't we? Onto it we go. :)

Something was bothering Akia, Falyn could tell.


Did you or Falyn have a Yoda moment? Why is this sentence all backwards. Oh dear. Switch this sentence around, you should.

Falyn was still thinking about what it was Akia was hiding now


Take out it was towards the middle? I think it breaks with the flow of the piece, and doesn't help the sentence at all.

had spent many nights dreaming about what Pollume – Lightport would be like


The placement of this En-dash is so strange I don't even know what you were trying to do. :/ It almost seems as though there is another dash missing, but I can't be sure. The sentence is pretty disjointed as it is right now, though.

Akia shook her head. “Nope. Only Phillip and the trainees


Let's back this up fourteen steps. Yup. One two three four--oh, you can do the rest. If only Phillip and the trainees are in this building, then why was George showing Akia and Aiden his place - which sure seemed to be in the building - if he didn't live there? Seems rather odd. Perhaps they did go for a walk? I was almost certain it was under the same roof, though.

Was he only pretending to like her to stay close to her and keep her safe? She was starting to believe that that was the reason.


Isn't it funny that you never think about things, and then WHAM, there they are? The answer seems so clear to me now. Yeah, Sam probably did only become close to Falyn because he had to in order to keep her safe. Of course, he did act as though he really cared about her at one point... but perhaps that was just because they were good friends? Because they were best of friends, even if they weren't a couple. I liked this sudden plot twist or realization for Falyn. I think you're doing a wonderful job with the relationships in this book. One thing I am wondering, though.... What happened with Zeke and Falyn's argument/Zeke just leaving. It sure seems to me like she would be upset with him, and so would have some little comment in there about that. But perhaps that is coming? It didn't seem as though they were at best terms in the previous chapter, although Zeke didn't do anything against Falyn - just argued with Akia, as usual. I think this is one point you could have gone farther into.

Falyn remembered reading about growing rice in some book a while ago. It was planted in April and harvested four or five months later. Water had to be flushed into the rows of plants so that they would get enough nutrients and sunlight.


CUT STOP CUT STOP

Why are we reading this book, Noelle? To learn about how rice is made? or grown? No, we are reading it to read a story through Falyn's perspective. She is on her way to become the leader of their six-man band to go and stop Rhys (without music). She isn't considering becoming a rice farmer, and it shouldn't matter to her. And, no offense, it doesn't matter to me. It seemed as though you were giving us a pointless info-dump there. No reason for us to learn about rice in the slightest, except for you to give us an image. So I think with that part, you could go and describe the field more instead of describing their growing process.

“Well you really care about others don’t you?”


"Well" is really a superfluous word, and many authors say to leave it completely out of dialogue - for that very reason. That it takes up valuable space and doesn't add anything. If you want to keep it, then put a comma after that word, and another comma after others

Mom?”


I am already on a very busy schedule with threatening to kill people, and I think they're starting to not believe me like they used to... but I am going to kill you. >.< You are not allowed to end this on a cliffhanger! That is just baaaaad, and you should really be punished one of these days, months, years - whatever. Just whenever I get around to it. Anywho, I think you did an awesome job on this. Definitely one of your best chapters, even though the description in some places did lack a little bit (a bit more on the house and on the rice field would have been nice, I think, and created a better image). I just think it was a very good chapter overall, and your style shone - as did Falyn's character. I just really like her. :D
~Darth Timmyjake



Democracy! Bah! When I hear that word I reach for my feather Boa!
— Allen Ginsburg