A/N: There's a break at this point of the chapter so if it doesn't sound like it fits perfectly after the previous part, it's supposed to be that way.
A/N 2: I can't remember who all knows that Aidan is Akia's brother, but for the sake of the timing of this chapter, Falyn knows that they're siblings. I might change it later, but that's how it is now.
Her name was Cylene. His name was Braeden. Falyn’s parents.
They were names that Falyn has never heard before, not even in passing. It seemed almost cruel that these people hadn’t been in her life until now. She had been living a lie, convincing herself that Archie was her father, her only family.
Now she was sitting here surrounded by her real family. And she didn’t know what to do.
Once Cylene broke of the hug, something that didn’t seem possible at the moment, she led Falyn and Mina through the house until they reached the living room. That’s where they ended up now, sitting across from each other on matching blue couches. Falyn and Mina were on one couch while Cylene and Braeden were on the other. None of them spoke.
Akia groaned from the doorway. Falyn jumped and turned. She hadn’t realized that Akia was still there. “You guys haven’t seen each other in fourteen years,” Akia said. “There should be plenty to talk about.”
“Alright, here’s something to start off with,” Mina said. “Why did you two leave us?”
Cylene looked at her husband. He didn’t move, just continued to stare at the floor.
“You did have a reason, right?”
“Of course we did, Mina,” Cylene responded. “It was to keep you safe. People knew about Fay’s power and wanted to take it. So we had to send her away.” She looked right at Falyn, her eyes glistening with tears. “It was hard for us.”
“Fay?” Falyn asked.
Cylene smiled. “It was our nickname for you.” Falyn couldn’t help but smile back. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the nickname, but it was nice to know that her parents loved her so much that they came up with a nickname for her.
She understood what her mother was going through. Oddly enough, Falyn had felt the same way about leaving Archie behind. She knew that he wasn’t her real father and she accepted that. But leaving him behind and starting a whole new life? That was harder than she had imagined.
“It wasn’t our choice to separate you girls,” Cylene continued. “That just ended up being part of the deal. Archie would only take Falyn. Said he didn’t have enough room for two kids.”
Falyn perked up. “You mean, you knew the people that you gave us to?”
“How could we not?” Braeden asked. It was the first time he had spoke since they got there. Falyn was surprised to hear how normal his voice sounded. With his scruffy beard and unforgiving brown eyes, she had thought that he would’ve had a deeper and more professional sounding voice.
He shook his head and continued. “I wasn’t about to trust my children to a stranger. In fact, I wasn’t about to give my children to anyone. Cylene convinced me, but I wasn’t a fan one bit.”
“Then why didn’t you just keep up?” Mina asked. “Or at least me. Falyn is the one they want. I’m just an innocent bystander.”
Falyn gaped. She couldn’t believe what Mina had said. What happened to best friends, standing by each other? It sounded like Mina was writing her off. If the decision had been up to her, she’d leave Falyn in order to keep herself safe.
Some friend. Falyn thought. She was right, Mina had changed when they reached Lightport.
“So,” Falyn started, hoping that she could smooth everything over. She had waited too long to meet her parents to have it ruined. “Have you two been living in Lightport this whole time?”
“Yes,” Braeden responded quickly before turning back to Mina. “We couldn’t have just let Falyn go. They’d come looking for you next because if Falyn has it, you must too. They don’t know anything.”
“Who’s ‘they’?” Mina demanded.
“Rhys and his lackeys,” Braeden responded, indignant. “They’ve been looking for this power for years.”
“And what power is this exactly?” Falyn asked. She wasn’t really ready for the answer. It was something she wanted to know, but she had a feeling that the answer would be something she didn’t want to hear. If she even got an answer at all.
Sure enough, Cylene and Braeden exchanged looks. They’re not going to tell me. Falyn decided. She’d seen Akia and Phillip give each other that same look many times.
“We’re not sure,” Cylene admitted. “Your father is a shapeshifter and I’m a magician. We don’t know what kind of magic comes out of combining those two.”
Falyn stared. That was definitely not the answer she had been expecting. They didn’t know what kind of powers she had. How was that even possible? She was the moonstar. No one got a title like that unless they were something special. And people didn’t give out that kind of title without a reason. Someone somewhere knew what kind of powers she had.
She was the product of a shapeshifter and a magician. What could that possible mean for her? Was magic something you were born with rather than something developed later on in life? That wasn’t something that was ever covered in school or any books she had ever read. The way her parents were talking, it seemed that you were born with magic – a certain type of it too.
“So let me get this straight,” Mina said suddenly. Falyn resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She just knew Mina was going to launch into something big again. “You got rid of me and Falyn because someone wanted to take our magic? And you didn’t even try to find us. You had to wait for Akia to be the hero and save the day. That’s some real parenting right there.”
Falyn looked over her shoulder to see what Akia’s reaction was, but the girl wasn’t there. At some point during the conversation, Akia had snuck out. Didn’t even say goodbye; just left.
Braeden shook his head. “You do realize that we can’t leave Lightport, right? The barrier spell isn’t just keeping people out, it’s keeping us in. The same thing goes for that river in Agathi. Our leaders are serious about keeping us all separated. They think it’s for our own good, but they’re wrong.” He didn’t continue and no one pushed him to.
They all returned to sitting in silence, staring at each other momentarily before turning their gazes to the floor. It was most definitely an awkward reunion. But no matter, Falyn had finally gotten to meet her parents. They were going to live together and be a real family for the first time.
“Does this mean that we can live with you guys at your house?” Falyn asked. She didn’t realize until later that she was sitting with her fingers crossed behind her back. There was no way that she’d be able to cope if the answer was no.
“Of course, Fay,” Cylene answered. “It’ll be a tight fit though. We’ve been living as two for so long that it’ll take a bit of adjusting.” She stood and dusted off her skirt. There was nothing on her skirt to begin with so it seemed to be a spot of nerves. “Shall we get going?”
Mina still didn’t seem too happy with the whole situation, but she got up anyway. Cylene and Braeden led the girls out the front door. Falyn made note to shut the door carefully and pray that no one would try to break in. It was Akia’s house after all.
Once she made it down the front steps, she looked up and realized that Aidan was standing there. She was taken aback for a moment, but then she put the pieces together. Akia lived here so it would make sense that Aidan lived here with her.
Falyn nodded at him and made her way past, but he pulled her back. When she looked into his eyes, she saw fear and concern.
“Can we talk?”
“Well I was just going to…” she trailed off and motioned to her family behind them.
“Ah, right,” Aidan said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I was just hoping that I could confide something in you. But if you’re too busy, I understand.”
Falyn sighed. “I guess I could stay for a while.”
“Great.” Aidan barged into the house, not bothering to wait for her.
She rolled her eyes and waved on her parents. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.” She could see the pleading in Mina’s eyes, begging her to come along. But she had to talk with Aidan. He might’ve had some answers about Akia.
“Later,” Falyn promised. “I won’t leave you for long.” Mina pursed her lips and turned on her heel. Something was most definitely off with her. Falyn made a mental note to figure it out later.
She watched them walk away for a moment before heading back into the house. She hadn’t noticed before, but all of the walls were painted blue and there were barely any windows. Either Akia was too lazy to repaint or she really loved the color blue.
It didn’t take Falyn long to find Aidan. He was leaning against the doorway into the living room, legs crossed at the ankles and hands stuffed into his pockets. Of course he would be standing in an exact spot where she could find him immediately. There was a short hallway that led directly to where he was.
He didn’t say anything, but the way he looked at her beckoned her forward. Not in a way that made her feel uncomfortable, but a way that she could tell without him saying anything. It was strange in a way, but she saw Akia’s face in his. They were truly siblings.
“What’s this all about?” Falyn asked the second she reached him. Despite how much she wanted to get answers from him, she didn’t want to spend the rest of the day talking.
He hesitated. “There are some things that I’ve been… hiding from certain people. I really need to talk.”
Falyn raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to tell me secrets that you’re hiding from Akia?”
“I said nothing about Akia.”
“It was implied.”
Aidan chuckled and seemed to relax. “I guess it was. See, I’m not great at keeping secrets which is why I need to tell someone. I’m just dying to tell Akia, but I know I can’t.”
Falyn’s hear pounded. This was turning out to be more serious than she thought. Whatever it was Aidan was hiding, it was eating him up inside. Did she really want to know?
Yes, she did want to know. Because once she knew, she’d be able to barter with him and get to know some of Akia’s secrets. It was a win-win situation.
She strode past him and flopped down onto the couch. “I’m all ears.”
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...
OH! You are using Raven's nickname for Falyn! Oh my gosh! Now I can call her Fay! WOO! This is exciting for me! It's great the comments implement into your story.
I do really wish you had transitioned the story better. You could have had them have a hugging moment and then they go inside and they introduce each other. It would be a nice transition and we would all be happy. Why didn't you transition it in the first place?
Oh my gosh! How did Falyn not know that her parents knew the people that they gave her to? I mean Archie literally told her fifty million times that he was good friends with her parents. I think that either Falyn forgot and had bad memory or that statement is invalid.
Now when you describe that Braeden had a normal sounding voice. What would you define normal as? Like there are many depictions of normal in different cultures and so you may have a different expression of normal than I have. Also, Falyn is just assuming what her father's voice would be like just from appearance? THAT IS VOICIST!
Mina is a jerk. Enough said.
Now I'm wondering is Aidan going tell Falyn all the REAL secrets or is he just going to give her some nice story and then lie about the whole thing? This will be an interesting case to figure out.
Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant
Hey Noelle, knight r4 has returned again to the field of reviewing to review your work! Here's to the knew year of 2015! I look forward to it! Hopefully it will be an even better year for reviewing than 2014 was!
Well, I better get reviewing!
I am pretty sure you meant to say "us" not "up". I hope you didn't get this pointed out ten times already...What is a moonstar? I don't remember that being mentioned. Perhaps you mentioned it before I began reviewing this?
This should be "possibly", right?
[/quote]The barrier spell isn’t just keeping people out, it’s keeping us in.[/quote] Hmm, well how could they take Fayln and Mina to Archie in Agathi if the barrier spell was keeping them in? This doesn't seem to match up with the rest of the evidence.
If I just was reunited with my family I don't think that I would off with some guy who I hardly know.
Oh Noelle you are so wicked! How can you leave us hanging like that! Some day I am going to kill you! For real! I might as well kill Falyn while I am at it!
This chapter was rather... intriguing. The one thing I distinctively noticed was the ending. The rest didn't seem all that important in comparison. You should have made it longer and had more of the conversation between Aidan and Falyn! Can't wait what will happen next! Why did you have to do this to me?! You are such a good writer that all you readers hate you!
Hi Noelle!
This catching up thing is hardI was really curious about this chapter because I wanted to know what it would be like for Falyn when she saw her parents again. And you did manage to live up my expectations because I wanted it to be realistic. I was worried it might be the whole 'let's fall into each others arms, forgive each other and be a family again' kind of thing, but it wasn't. And I have to admire you for that. You made it realistic and just as I expected it to be - ultimately awkward and with questions that are hard to say and need to be said. I am also really curious to see what you are building up to here. Something is definitely up with Mina, and now Aidan as well. I feel like some things are going to be falling into place soon, and that is always interesting. I feel like we're steadily building up to the climax of this novel, and I can't help but wonder what it might be. Ooh, you have a way of keeping the reader guessing and want to turn the page and read on immediately! Which is something I really admire
Even though the hard questions have to be said, I thought it was a bit abrupt for Mina to start with the one she did there. I mean, there wasn't even the whole let's get to know the parents a little bit more, or even ask them about the way they live their life of their magic or anything - she just cut right to the biggest problem of why. And even though I can understand why she may want her answers and want them now, it did seem a little bit too direct. Maybe have Mina ask some questions, but show the internal struggle on her face of actually wanting to ask something else. And then you can have her blurt it out and look shocked that she said it, but not sorry because it was what she wanted to say all along. Or just something to smooth out the way she asks a bit.
And I don't think I would be the only one to notice Mína's directness. You showed the affect it had on the parents, but we can't see Falyn's face because this is her point of view. So tell us what she thinks about her sister being so direct. Is this what Mina is usually like when she asks her questions (it might be something to add on to the way she is acting strange this time round.) Or maybe it's something else altogether.
I feel like Falyn's emotions should be riding high here, and I don't think you bring that across enough. yes, we do see snippets of it here and there, but I want to get more of the impression that she is feeling all these feels. (Hehe, I couldn't think of a better way to phrase what I am trying to say.) I know she mentions Archie and how it is hard to disregard him as a father, but is she angrier at him because he even knew her own parents and yet still didn't tell him! Does she feel angry that he tried to replace these guilty and lost looking people in front of her? Or is her sadness or some other emotion riding out others? I want to know, and get a deeper look into her mind! I want to be able to connect with this character on an emotional level here.
At one point Mina asks the question as to why she was sent away as well as Falyn. And Falyn kind of cuts in and starts another line of conversation to help her parents escape from having to answer such a... direct question? And that makes sense, but then no one comes back to the question. And I want to know why as well! Isn't Falyn curious to hear about this answer as well. It could just be because sisters shouldn't really be separated completely, or it could be something else. I know that Falyn is busy feeling hurt, but you can wonder and feel hurt at the same time. I want to know the parents reasoning for what they did!
I tried to stay off of the nitpicks here because you have had a lot of reviewers who have already mentioned and picked out everything. But here I feel like the 'but no matter' part is kind of awkwardly phrased. It would sound so much smoother if you went for the casual 'but it didn't matter instead.' It's a small change, and up to you if you want to do it or not.
I want to see more of Sam D: I just feel like his character has been pushed to the side. Yes, Falyn isn't as keen on him as she was, but don't shove him out of focus
I am looking forward to seeing what Aidan has to say. Falyn seems to have her own motivators for listening as well, and I can see her developing as a character. She seems to be becoming more like the people here, that scheme in their attempts to know their own secrets.
Deanie x
Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.
Aiden's going to tell her!! This is the best. He'll tell her about him serving Rhys, and then Falyn will tell Akia, and she'll find a way to fix it all. But I'm worried. It doesn't seem right. Aiden's only mission was to keep Akia away, but obviously George has instructions too. What if this is a set up? What is he's trying to make her trust him. Aiden is a hard guy to figure out. It's all so crazy.
I can imagine the conversation between Mina, Falyn and their parents would be weird. But I'm a little confused. They say they had to abandon her when she was two. Rhys wasn't a threat then though, was he? That's something I can't make sense of. If Rhys had been around for fourteen years terrorizing people, why has Phillip only been fighting for four? Either something's not right or I'm missing something.
I wonder where Akia went off to? It's understandable that she wouldn't want to be intruding on their final reunion, but where would she go? What would she do? Is she going back to training or what?
Another question which rises into my head is why do they call her the moonstar anyway? Where did the nickname come from? It doesn't really fit with what we know she's supposed to do, so maybe it's the part everyone is hiding? You're making this too deep, Noelle! But I still love it. I'm not complementing you enough in saying your chapters are beautiful and usually flawless! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hiiiii~
I think it's actually really quite funny that Aiden is confiding in Falyn. It does seem a little odd to me, because, well, doesn't she seem like the last person he'd go to? Unless, of course, he's going to feed her false information or something... Falyn does seem like the kind that would feel guilty for keeping secrets from people, especially if she thought it would help them to know.
What do you mean 'many times'? Falyn couldn't have seen them trade this expression many times, because she's only been around Phillip a handful of times. That's what I find, anyways.
I'm not sure why Falyn's so confused... that's what I've understood this whole time... and I thought Falyn had that semi-explained to her when Sam and Akia were telling her about the incident with her parents having to leave and all. Maybe I'm wrong? It just seems a bit off for Falyn to be surprised, I mean, she did learn in school that you had to work hard for magic, but yeah.
I was kind of disappointed when Falyn went to talk to Aidan instead of going with her parents... I wanted to learn a bit more about them, but I realize you had to do that. Aidan's showing up in a lot of chapters lately!
Awesome job! Keep it up!!!
-Socks
Hi Noelle!
This was a really, really good story! And it's good to see that some people are actually able to continue what they're writing, unlike some lazy bums (cough, cough) Anyhoo, congratulations on reaching the 28th chapter, the story's going strong!
I really liked the connection Falyn made between the fact that her parents had given her a nickname to the fact that they loved her, it made a lot of sense.
Oooh, and I totally felt for Falyn when Mina suddenly took all her frustration and nasty thoughts and put them out in the open...I love the way we hear Falyn's thoughts, how she ponders about magic and we ponder along.
The fact that Akia's house is completely blue got me wondering if it had something to do with her past... silly, I know!
And it was wonderful how you ended the chapter leaving the reader hungry for the next chapter, I look forward to chapter 29!
It was interesting that our protagonist has the most human feeling of the requirement to scrutinize situations and makes sure it's a win-win.
The parents were exactly as you need them to be, nothing to say on that!
Few nitpicks-
"Her name was Cylene. His name was Braeden. Falyn’s parents."
This line is in past tense right? The next line shifts to present tense, so it causes a bit of a jerk while reading, might want to check that...
"Now she was sitting here surrounded by her real family."
You could add a comma after 'here'.
"Once Cylene broke of the hug"
'Of' would be more correct as 'off'.
"Falyn made note to shut the door carefully and pray that no one would try to break in. It was Akia’s house after all."
Maybe, instead of starting a new sentence, you could add a comma after 'in'? It'd look something like this -
""Falyn made note to shut the door carefully and pray that no one would try to break in, it was Akia’s house after all."
That's all I found, I might have missed something, though...
I'm liking how Aidan and Falyn converse, it all seems so friendly and trustful!
I hope this helped, happy review day!
Timmy here!
First off, let me apologize for not getting to this sooner. I have been lazy with reviewing the past few days, and I hope that does not become a normal thing - because I hate slacking on these pieces, and they're so fun to read.
Anywho. Onto the review. Let's get this going.
When I read through this, I just really enjoyed the fact that they weren't instantly buddying up with each other. Falyn and Mina haven't seen these people for ages, so it is only natural for them to be keeping their distance - as well as being very curious and questioning everything they say and do. Their parents do truly act like they care about them and their well-being, so all is good there. It seems to be what you would want for these people, though. Fay (I liiiike that nickname) and Mina have found good parents with them, I think, and since they were sent away for all the right reasons, I think no doubt they'll come around in time. Although I think that process has already begun. Falyn seems to already love them as parents, but needs time to get to know them.
Um, why did I just ramble on like that. >.< I know what you're asking. "Timmy, thank you for the cuddly thoughts. Where are the nitpicks?" Give me a break. My penguins are warming up.
Now I suppose one could call this a mere stylistic comment more than a nitpick, but I thought I would mention it, nevertheless. So, I notice you do this occasionally, and it isn't a big deal at all - but mentionable. Look at that sentence - the almost kinda glares out like an extra finger. Instead of strengthening the sentence as the other words (um, fingers. xD) do, it weakens it because it weakens the message. Almost cruel, so not quite. What does that even mean? Like a middle-ground in-between only mean and cruel? I think you could really strengthen this sentence and others if you took the incinerator (aka, backspace) to those superfluous weakening words.
EGH. That color hurt my eyes. >.< They need to hire a professional decorator.
Perhaps it's just me, but I don't think her father would look quite the same with a briefcase and lawyer suit. Perhaps commanding would fit him better? hee-hee
Like a recipe, eh? I like that. ^.^
Comma after fit
This sentence should be re-worded so it makes more sense for readers and such. I had to go through and re-read it so I would understand, and it took a moment before the "Ohhhh" effect came in. So I think just tweak it?
Comma after with
Let's step back for one short moment, and look at this with all the pieces shown in the simplest way possible. Your last "parent" turned out to be a betrayer, and didn't work out. These people tell you they are your parents (and they truly seem to be), and you have been talking to them for five whole minutes... and now you want to live with them? It seems odd that she would want to go and live with those people, even if they happen to be her parents, because they are complete strangers. I think it would be better if her parents suggested it or something, and she thought about it for a moment before replying. I don't know. It just seems weird that she would go and ask this on a whim, and especially to people she doesn't know except what she has gathered in their five minute conversation.
Comma after secrets
For some reason, this didn't seem like something Falyn would do. And I am not exactly sure, but it seemed out of character for her - especially with the casual way she threw it out there. It almost seemed like an Akia thing for that, and I think if you made it seem like a bigger deal to her, then perhaps it would seem more like Falyn? I dunno. Just seemed the teensiest bit out of character there.
YOU FLOP ON COUCH? SIT TEN TIMES SO YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO SIT PROPERLY.
I don't think there is really anything I can add to this chapter - either in comments or in nitpicks. It was very well-written, I think, and I especially love the introduction of these two new characters (yayyyy). New people are always so much fun, especially when you know that they're going to be extremely close to Flayn and Mina. I do hope that Mina comes back to Falyn and acts as she always did, because otherwise... I will have to have my penguins spank you. I am so sorry.
CLIFFHANGER MUCH? Dun mind me. I am only suspended here on the edge of this cliff until next week. Meanie. >.< I will either have to kill you one day, or have you teach me how to torture your readers as you do so well.
~Darth Timmyjake
WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOUR READERS??!!
Right now I'm too tired to review this, so I'm gonna come back tomorrow to do it, if I have time...