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Young Writers Society



Across Worlds - Chapter 39 Part 2

by Noelle


“Why should we?” Akia piped up, finding her way back to the front. “Everything you’ve ever told me was a lie.”

“Not everything,” he whispered. “But some of it, yes. I did it all for you.”

Akia let out an exasperated laugh. “Everyone keeps saying that. I’m not the one who needs protection here; it’s the people whose lives you’ve destroyed.”

“I didn’t destroy—"

“Maybe not, but you chose that side. Whatever blood and crimes Rhys has on your hands are now on yours. And yours too!” She whirled to face Aidan, accusation blazing from her eyes. “You worked with the little worm.”

Aidan’s face paled. “I can explain.”

“I don’t want your explanations,” she snapped as she turned back to George. “Nothing you can say can change my mind. You tricked us, played us all. We’re fighting for something good, something strong. All you’re doing is following a coward.”

Falyn looked around nervously. Here they were, in enemy territory, and all Akia wanted to do was snap at George and her brother. Falyn could understand why, but she knew that they couldn’t stand around wasting their time like this. Those eyes she saw in the caves, she knew she hadn’t imagined them. And with every passing moment, she heard more rustling in the leaves and sounds she couldn’t even describe. Something was happening that she couldn’t explain.

She tugged Sam’s sleeve and pointed behind them. Out of the first cave came a Hund Warrior, its purple hood covering every part of its face but its tight mouth. Her heart raced as another followed it out and two more joined them. Their steps were deliberate, but lazy. Each time a boot landed on the ground, a dozen leaves crunched.

Falyn took a quick glance back at the rest of the group. Akia was still arguing with George and the rest of them didn’t seem to be able to focus on anything but the conversation.

“What do we do now?” Sam asked. He looked just as uncomfortable as Falyn felt. Why was he like this? She had expected him to be the strong one in the group, especially after he saved her from that one back in Agathi nearly a week ago. Then again, all she had seen him do was run. Maybe he hadn’t actually fought him.

“They don’t seem to be attacking,” she said quietly. “Maybe they’re just here to scare us.”

Sam shook his head. “Rhys wouldn’t waste his men on that. They’re going to attack. I just don’t know if we should attack first.”

Falyn’s mind raced, trying to come up with a solution. Desperation gripped her mind as more Warriors emerged from the caves. If they didn’t come up with something soon, the Warriors would have them and everything would be lost.

Slowly, she took a step backwards, dragging Sam with her. She had to get the attention of the others, but she wasn’t going to take her eyes off of the Warriors. One wrong move, she felt, would set them off.

With each step, her breath caught in her throat. She could still hear Akia and George talking. It was obvious that neither of them had noticed anything going on behind them. Falyn wasn’t ready to fight, wasn’t ready to face the Warriors without everyone aware. This wasn’t a fight that she and Sam could win on their own. Sam shouldn’t have even been with them. She was going to be more concerned about his well being than her won. She didn’t know what she would do if anything happened to him.

Finally she bumped into someone. They grunted and turned, but didn’t say anything. She took a quick look back and saw Layna staring past her, eyes locked on the advancing Warriors. It was strange to see her so calm despite the situation.

“Hey, Phillip,” she shouted back. “Come look—" She was cut off by a loud cry that sent a shiver down Falyn’s spine. Before she could even think about which of the guys it had come from, it was definitely a man’s voice, a Warrior in the front flicked his fingers, sending a green light hurtling towards Sam. It hit him straight in the stomach, knocking him to the ground.

Suddenly the whole front line of Warriors froze and then crumbled to the ground, their red eyes wide and desperate, darting one way and the other. Their hoods had fallen off to reveal the sickening pale skin underneath. It almost made them look like they weren’t even there.

“I can hold them off,” Layna shouted. She was staring intently at one of the Warriors, her eyes shuddering slightly. It must be a telek mind trick she played on the Warriors to keep them down and out. “Just get the others! Then make sure Sam’s okay.” Falyn looked at the boy she had grown up with, lying on the ground. As much as she wanted to help him now, she knew she had to do what Layna said. If the Warriors weren’t taken care of, and there were a lot of them, there wouldn’t be anything she could so to help Sam.

When she turned to the others, she stopped in her tracks. Frozen in place, her eyes grazed the scene in front of her. Akia was gone, nowhere to be found. Aidan and Phillip were in a battle against Rhys, neither man gaining anything. Each attack was met with a counterattack from Rhys. But with both of them fighting, Rhys wasn’t able to gain anything either.

Her eyes traveled to the ground just in front of her. George was lying face down, blood staining the back of his shirt. It had all seeped out of a tear in the cloth. Her heart stopped. She couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t moving, his skin. There wasn’t anything she could do for him, she knew. George was dead. Despite the way he had been playing them the entire time, the loss tugged at her heart.

“Falyn!” Mina cried, rushing to her and crushing her in an embrace. “Did you see? Oh, it was terrible! Rhys came out and… the Warriors are here too. There’s too many of them! No way we’re going to get out of this. I want out. I want to go home.”

Falyn pushed back and stared her sister square in the eyes. “You need to fight with us. Understand? Layna is trying to hold off the Warriors, but she can’t do it by herself.”

“What about you?” Mina asked, her voice shaking. Falyn looked over at Sam. He was lying on his side now, trying to move, but it looked as if each movement pained him. Mina’s hand flew to her mouth.

“You have to help,” Falyn pleaded. “Throw whatever you’ve got at them.”

“We never learned any magic that would help us fight!”

“I don’t care,” Falyn snapped. “Anything that pushes them back is a victory.”

Mina finally tore her gaze from Sam and looked at her sister. A small smile broke across her lips. “You’re good for this, you know that? I’d fight with you any day.”

“Fight with me now.” Falyn responded. She didn’t hesitate before rushing to Sam’s side.

He tried to roll over when he saw her, but he only groaned, his body protesting. He managed to land on his back so he was staring up at her. Those blue eyes that caught her from the very first day looked up at her. She placed a hand on his chest to keep him steady.

“Don’t move,” she said softly. “You’re obviously hurt.”

He only shook his head. “You don’t have to babysit me. Go fight with the others. I’m just fine.”

“You’re not! You’re already hurt and I’m not about to let you get any more bruises.” She had noticed the bruise on his face. It stretched from just below the right side of his hairline to his eyebrow. It looked more like a patch than a bruise, as if someone had cut out a piece of his skin and replaced it with a strip of red, agitated skin. There must’ve been more than just the floor that his head hit. This was a much larger injury.

She reached out and touched it softly. Sam grimaced for a moment, but it didn’t seem to bother him. The skin was rough, much unlike his untouched cheek. He must’ve hit more than just the floor when he fell.

“This is much more of an injury than anyone can ignore,” she said. “Even you.”

He closed his eyes as he leaned into her hand. “Mhm. My head is killing me now. But like I said… not gonna back down.” He took a deep breath and opens his eyes. They’re dark, fiery, showing the Sam that she had come to know in Lightport.

Falyn grinned. “So what are we gonna do?”

Before Sam could answer, Aidan and Phillip came running over. They were both breathing heavy and Aidan was limping.

“What have you two been doing?” Phillip demanded. “We’ve barely made any progress!” Aidan took a step forward and pushed out against the air. The Warriors flew backward, knocking each other over. They all laid on the ground, unable to move or do much of anything else.

Layna turned on her heel. “I had it under control.” She stalked over to them, glancing over her shoulder. It was obvious that she didn’t trust that the threat was really gone. Falyn didn’t believe it either, but Aidan had bought them a few minute’s time before they’d have to do anything else.

By the time Layna reached them, she was fuming, her face red, her steps heavy. Falyn was surprised to see her like that. Layna had been nothing but nice and optimistic. Now she was cutthroat and determined.

Mina looked around at them all. “Where’s Rhys? Don’t tell me you guys let him get away.” She stared at Aidan and Phillip with such an intense glare that even Falyn would shrink under.

Phillip spread out his arms, palms facing opposite directions and his eyes glazed over. A thin layer of blue light appeared in front of them, reaching from the ground to about his height. It grew, spreading out to either side until it connected, creating a type of dome around them.

It shimmered in the setting sun, but the light quickly faded away. Falyn remembered Akia once telling her that Phillip was responsible for the barriers protecting Lightport. This must’ve been a type of barrier, one designed to protect them on all sides.

“We fought as hard as we could,” Aidan said. “Akia disappeared within the first few minutes. I didn’t even see her go. We can only hope that she found some way to escape and go after Rhys.”

Phillip picked up from there. “Rhys slipped from our grasp, using some confusion spell to mess with our heads.”

“That’s one of my favorite!” Layna exclaimed. They all stared at her. Her eyes quickly darted to the ground as she mumbled, “Sorry.”

“Anyways,” Phillip continued. “We lost him by the time our minds cleared. He must’ve retreated to his fortress.”

Sam scoffed. “All I see is caves. There’s no fortress here.”

Falyn was only partially listening. She kept watching the Warriors trying to break through the barrier. There were still a handful lying on the ground, but most of their numbers had returned. They were smart, using a destruction spell, a dark shade of light flashing through the air. It was used to tear apart buildings and structures, anything man made and stable. There wasn’t much that it could do to a barrier made of magic, in theory, but it seemed to be doing real damage.

“…just inside that last cave.” Phillip was saying. “We have to send somebody in there.”

“You need to hold this barrier,” Falyn said desperately. The spells were yielding more damage with each passing second. At this rate, they wouldn’t be protected at all.

The barrier shook, blue light shining bright all around them. It was still standing, but she could tell that it was losing its strength. Phillip groaned and placed his hands against the barrier. It started glowing bright blue and, despite the bombardment of magic from the Warriors, seemed to be holding.

But Phillip was losing hold of it fast. He wasn’t standing as strong as before and his arms lowered. The barrier flickered and shook, not comforting to Falyn at all.

“It’s not going to hold much longer!” Phillip shouted.

“Get ready for another fight.” Layna said, setting her feet apart. Everyone else responded the same. Aidan and Mina stood side by side, each looking around, scanning their surroundings.

Sam was still on the ground, although he had been able to sit up. He still wasn’t ready for such a large scaled fight.

A sudden idea popped into Falyn’s mind. She ran over to Phillip. “Sam and I can go after Rhys. We won’t be much help to you out here.”

Phillip hesitated, but nodded his head. “You won’t have much time to escape once the barrier is down. The Warriors should be focused enough on us that you two can slip through. Keep an eye out for Akia too. She’s out there somewhere.”

Falyn agreed to it all. It would be hard to get into the cave without being seen, but it wasn’t impossible. The real struggle would be fighting off Rhys. She had been thinking about all that she had gone through and she realized that this was how it had to be. There was a reason that she was pulled from her life in Vertfay, hid in Agathi, and then pulled from that life to rejoin the one she had. She couldn’t just stand around and watch.

“Oh, and Falyn,” Phillip said. “I trust you. I know you won’t let us down.” He even turned his head to give her a half smile. Then he opened his mouth and shouted, “Barrier down in five!”

Falyn rushed over and helped Sam off of the ground. “What did you say to Phillip?” he asked her as he tried to steady himself.

“We’re going after Rhys,” she explained. “You and me. We’ll find Akia along the way.” Blue light engulfed them all and then the Warriors were upon them. As the rest of the group ran forward, she and Sam ran away from the fight and toward the caves.

One thing was for certain, Falyn was going to find Akia first. It wasn't a fight that they could win without her.


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Sun Jun 28, 2015 2:18 pm
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Deanie wrote a review...



Hi Noelle!

Happy review day!

It has been quite a while since I have been reviewing, so I might be a bit rusty. Real life has been keeping me hard pressed for time. But about the chapter... I could just love it. Finally we have reached the climax, and we can know everything is going to be going down in the next chapter. We're going to go with Akia, Falyn and Sam to see them try to bring down Rhys on their own. You also introduced us to our first death. I like that you have had it happen to a character who we don't quite hate, but not one we loved completely. I am assuming that some more people might die or at least get injured because this is a battle. But so far, we are off to good start. Despite this I have two pretty big qualms about this chapter which I want to cover in this review.

Whatever blood and crimes Rhys has on your hands are now on yours.


First off, a small nitpick. I think when you said 'your' for the first time you actually meant his.

Her heart raced as another followed it out and two more joined them.


Now this is my first big qualm. When it comes to a battle and you are trying to surprise someone in an attack, what you do is you creep up to them as much as you can, but the minute one of them spots you, you head for the full out attack because that is when the element of surprise is the hottest. But these Hund Warriors were spotted and they didn't even try to attack. I couldn't see why they would be approaching slowly still, giving Sam and Falyn all the time to alert the others that they needed. And I don't know why they didn't alert the others either. It would be the only thing to do which would've made sense.

Another thing that made me curious was how these Warriors were even emerging. Their movements don't get much description. All I know is that they are walking. But are they walking out in the open where everyone can see them, or are they more so creeping in and out of the trees, only being spotted in flashes between gaps for a few moments? Because if they were just walking out in the open, I would've been able to imagine that the others should've noticed something. But in the case you describe, I am not entirely sure how these Warrior's are approaching. In general, it kind of confused me when trying to imagine the battle.

And the second thing that bothered me was the battle itself. I don't know about you, but what on earth was Falyn doing? I mean, she seemed to be running from person to person and chatting like usual, without shooting any small spells in certain directions or making any attacks herself. From reading this, the best impression that I could get was that Falyn could be seen as a distraction. She does pep up Mina's emotions when it comes to fighting, but in general all she does is go from person to person and talk. Without any hits being thrown her way or anything like that. She doesn't need to defend herself, ever, and she also doesn't even throw the little spells as she tells Mina to do in between talking to be people. I want to see some more of that in there. Because so far, I am just confused as to her role in this battle, and I find it a bit unrealistic at this current moment in time.

The battle itself is good. I like the idea of them needing to hold off those Warrior's while others have to go find Akia and Rhys to fight them. I am not sure how Rhys being defeated would hold everyone off, but I am curious to know how it will work out. All we need some more description here, to make every person relevant to the bigger picture. It can be easy to rush when it comes to such a big moment, but slow down and let the reader relish in it :)

Will reading some more soon! I need to know what happens next!

Deanie x




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Mon Jun 08, 2015 5:10 pm
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



“You worked with the little worm.”


That's Akia's idea of an insult? Rhys is a little worm now! (I was expecting full out expletives, but alright. Not today xD)

Hey again, Noelle! Back again for one of your lovely chapters, but let's start off with some nitpicks.

-- Intermission before it even begins: This was an amazing chapter, overall. I love the fight scene, the magic involved, all the intensity that it is riddled with. Fantastic. I just wish Falyn would use her magic, but that's personal preference ;) --

... she knew she hadn’t imagined them.


It was made very clear last chapter that Falyn was just going to brush off these red eyes as imaginary, not even taking a second thought about them or even telling someone about it. Now she decides that they actually mean something? I don't really understand. What made Falyn change her mind and trust her eyes? And you cannot do that as a slight warning before they attacked!

Before hand, why were the Hund Warriors being so slow? Were they trying to have a sneak attack? But Falyn and Sam saw, so it doesn't make much sense that they would continue to creep forward after someone already spotted them. Or perhaps they didn't see Falyn and Sam see them?

Which brings up the point that I often times become confused on where the characters are facing and how they notice them. It happened in Chapter 37 as well, when I couldn't tell what Falyn could and couldn't see. But how could they notice the Hund Warriors without the Warriors noticing they noticed them? *that's a mouthful* Did they spot them out of the corner of their eye? But then how did they see the slow crawl of the Warriors coming up on them? Please make this more clear.

She was going to be more concerned about his well being than her won *own.


He wasn’t moving, his skin.


This is all there was from that one sentence. I think some thought process was cut off while you were sprinting to finish the chapter or something ^^ No biggie, but please do fix.

Can I just say I love Layna? xD Her quick comment, how sweet she was before, but so calm and collected. Plus her telek powers are wicked cool, and thought they don't sound like they're that good, seeing her in this fight was pretty awesome. That was my tangent :3

Seeing as I loved this chapter, this is a relatively shorter review, with my last point asking, how did Falyn know about the destruction spell? Did she learn it in school or something? Because as it stands, it feels like an info dump to me, allowing us to learn about magic, sure, but rather strangely placed.

That's about it! Hope I helped, and happy writing,
~Wolfare




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Sun May 31, 2015 3:13 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Okay, HEY! Ryu(Matt Southbound AKA) Cevenost here for a review!
Okay, I first have to say I'm starting to really like your work! I don't see why no one has commented, because you've got a really good story going here. Here's what I like best of it all:How detailed it is. I mean, yeah the action is nice, the wording is awesome, and the length is amazing, but how you detail the entire thing is what throws it together, man. I say, if you don't mind, write to a few publishers. I have a list laying around my house(Going to send my book out to them,)so if you need any advise just let me know, my best friend has already published a book(a Trilogy is coming up) and he knows a lot about how to go about it, so don't hesitate to ask. I mean, I've read all of your chapters now, and they are all really, really good.
In conclusion, I think you need to try and get this piece published. It's definitely something I would buy. Remember, follow your heart, and do not give up. I'm expecting more from you, since you've already wrote this one fine piece of work. I mean, honestly, you are no amateur, or you do not seem like you are. You honestly seem like you should get a publishing deal, with professionals, like the Penguin Company, or something like that.
Sincerely,
Ryu(Matt AKA southbound) Cevenost.




Noelle says...


//late reply. Thank you so much for your reviews! They mean a lot :) There's a club I made for this novel if you wanted to join: clubs/2003 . That's where I post when a new chapter is out. I'm actually almost done, only a chapter and a half left, so, yeah. Thanks again for reading!



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Sun May 31, 2015 3:12 pm
fallenoutofgrace wrote a review...



Hi Fallen here from the Why team here to review, now I apologize I haven't read the chapter before this so all try my best on this.

Now to start out with, I found your work to be incredibly well written. Your details were precise painting an elegant picture, your characters were flat (one of the pet pleves in writting) they showed that they could think and feel more than one simple drive and or emotion. For example, 'you worked for the little worm' you say a lot with a little words right off the begininging which is amazing.
As well as keeping up a semi-fast pace that didn't draw everything out your formatting was also spot on.

Now on to the not really negatives, I'm not a grammer nazi so all leave that to other who review your brilliant story.
The only thing I saw were small typos easily fit for example:

'There be anything to so help sam' just a simple fix.

Overall, Amazing story going to have to read chapter 1 on up

Sincerly,
Fallen.





“Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number. Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you— Ye are many—they are few.”
— Mary Shelly