Akia
George trained his gaze on the ground. “Just hear me out, please. Have you forgotten the time we worked together? I saved your life twice, Akia. Don’t try and convince me it meant nothing to you.”
Akia tightened her fists in frustration. She did owe him something, but that didn’t change the fact that he had been playing them the entire time. Who knows how long he was swapping secrets with Rhys. Maybe he was never her friend.
She crossed her arms. “What could you possibly tell me to make this better?”
He looked up quickly, the surprise evident on his face. It was all a ploy anyway. She could tell that he was stalling, but she was willing to play his game. With each passing moment she had the opportunity to plan a way around him. She couldn’t just steamroll over him as she was planning on doing with Rhys.
Everyone was behind her: Phillip, Sam, Aidan, Falyn, Mina, Layna. If George tried anything he’d have to face all of them. There was no way he could fight his way out. Besides, Rhys and his Warriors were nowhere to be found. George was risking everything being out in the open like this by himself.
Then again, everything seemed suspiciously quiet.
“Rhys forced me into it,” George explained. “Remember when we came here all of those years ago? I was an idiot, got myself captured, and you had to leave me. I hated you for a moment for leaving me behind. It didn’t take me long to realize that you had no choice though. Then I just waited until you came back… Which you never did.”
Akia’s heart softened. She remembered that day, remembered trying to find a way back to him, but finding no way to get them both out of there safely, she decided to leave. When she got back, she went straight to Phillip, making him promise to get George out.
“Rhys left me alone for weeks,” George continued. “He probably thought that I would draw you back here. He made me a deal one day. Either I worked for him or I rotted in a cage for years. I chose the latter.
“At first he just left me alone, sending Aidan down with food and things to keep myself looking presentable. That’s how we became friends, commiserating with each other. We had planned a way to escape, but quickly realized we couldn’t because of Aidan’s – your -- mother. He had to stay to protect her and I wasn’t about to leave without him.
“It wasn’t until a few months in that Rhys asked me to do a job for him. He had that damned locket and—"
“Wait,” Akia said, cutting him off. “He had the locket? I hid that thing back at the noodle shop before we even went after him. You’re telling me he knew where it was all that time?”
George shrugged. “I guess so. He had some different powers in there, but he only gave me the shapeshifter magic. Made me turn into him and show myself to you guys when he was around so his cover as Zeke would work out.”
Akia gaped. “So that was you in the woods?”
He nodded. “And it was me when you were in that bunker. Well, I wasn’t the one who tortured you guys, but I was the decoy to let Rhys escape with you.”
It all made sense now, how Rhys was able to go along with them and not raise a single concern. She had been blindsided by Zeke. She always thought that he was working with Rhys. Never did she even entertain the idea that there was magic working in his favor.
“Why are you telling me all of this now?” She whispered.
“Yes, I’d like to know that too.” Rhys was standing in the mouth of the same cave George had come out of, the second to last in the line. George turned and took a step back.
Everyone was immediately on edge as Rhys walked towards them. Aidan took a step closer to Akia, tense and ready to fight. It would’ve bothered her before; she could fight for herself. But now that she had no powers to fight with it didn’t matter. She’d need protection and she wouldn’t trust anyone more than her big brother.
Rhys laughed as he made his way toward them. “Why so intense? You brought the fight to me. I should be the one nervous.” He stopped in front of George and snarled, “You, on the other hand, have betrayed me for the last time.”
The last time? Akia wondered.
Rhys held out his hand and crushed it into a fist. George bent over, stumbling backwards, gripping his chest. He coughed and sputtered as he fell to his knees. Aidan rushed forward, kneeling beside him. Akia followed suit. George’s skin was pale and started to turn a shade of purple. His expression was pained as he struggled to stay upright. Soon he was shaking, his body desperate to grasp any energy it could.
Phillip rushed toward Rhys. Before he could reach him, Rhys disappeared in a cloud of yellow smoke. Whatever grasp he had on George was broken and George fell to the ground, taking greedy gasps of air. His body was still shaking, but not as violently as before.
"I still have to tell you," he choked out. "Falyn isn't doomed to die. That lie was a diversion."
Then the same cloud appeared behind George. Before Akia could react, Rhys plunged his dagger into the boy’s back. George screamed once before his body went limp.
A fight broke out. Aidan and Phillip rushed Rhys, Phillip pushing at the air while Aidan conjured lightning. Neither attack reached Rhys. He only caught it and threw it back at them. They barely ducked in time. No matter where the spells sent them, Akia realized that the men were making the effort to stand in front of her, shielding her.
Looking past them, she saw the rest of the group fighting the Warriors. Where had the Warriors come from? She saw Sam get hit and fall. The breath caught in her throat. Just when she decided to help him, she was hit with something that felt like a wasp sting. She cried out and held her side, willing the burning sensation to go away. Turning her head, she saw a Warrior standing over her, hand still raised. She hadn’t noticed it until then that she was still sitting by George, her hand resting on his back.
She rolled over, barely avoiding a streak of green flashing toward her. The simple movement intensified the burning in her side, but she couldn’t let everyone else fight for her. She took a leap and wrapped her arms around the Warrior’s waist, tackling him to the ground. They landed in a heap, Akia desperately flinging her fists, trying to make contact with any skin. She was able to punch him twice in the stomach and once on the shoulder before he raised his hands and blasted her off of him with green light.
The force of the spell sent her flying several feet. She landed square on her back, knocking the wind out of her. She gasped, her throat tight, her chest burning. It was almost comforting when Warriors grabbed each of her arms and dragged her away. It wasn’t the perfect rest that she was looking for, but it gave her an opportunity to regain her breath.
They dragged her away from the fight and towards the cave Rhys had come out of. She regained her breath the moment they passed through the mouth of the cave. Darkness engulfed them, but not for long. Soon she could see light coming from the opposite end. She squinted, not sure what to think of what her eyes were showing her.
Her breath might have returned, but she was still having trouble getting one. Her heart was beating with anticipation, and fear engulfed her. The Warriors were taking her to Rhys, she had no doubt. How could she possibly accomplish anything by herself? She needed someone to fight alongside her. She prayed someone would come after her.
The light grew until it was obvious that the cave was actually a tunnel. Whether it had formed like that or someone manipulated it to be one, she didn’t know. The Warriors dragged her along and pulled her out of the cave and back into the sun.
Rhys's fortress loomed over them. She recognized it immediately. It hadn’t changed since the last time she was here, the day she lost George. George; the little boy she had spent her life watching grow up, the kid who never backed down from a challenge, the first real friend she had. There was nothing left of him now. She would never see him again.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hi Noelle!
Happy review day!
When I said I would be back soon I didn't expect it to be this soon, but seeing as I have the time, why not grasp it! I was a bit picky in the previous chapter about the way you presented the battle, but I have to say that this was done in a much better manner! I found it to be all the more realistic. Akia is acting and reacting to everything happening around her, and even though she doesn't have magic she is still throwing herself into the fight. Which makes me think Falyn, even with the little magic she has should've done more in the previous chapter. But putting that aside, I have to say I loved everything about this chapter. The way we got more detail when it comes to George's death, and the whole situation that was occurring with Rhys. We also get to see how Akia supposedly vanished. Whatever is going to happen in that fortress of Rhys, you can tell it isn't going to be good. Oh, and this review will probably be short because there wasn't much I could pull out!
I found it a bit strange that Akia acknowledged that everything was suspiciously quiet, but didn't check around her to see if anyone was sneaking up. Maybe she assumed those behind her would tell her? I'm not sure about that. I feel like you should just cut the suspicious line. If she isn't thinking something is off, then she won't be able to acknowledge it at all. I know she is supposed to be a smart character who can always suss everything out, but it is okay for her to be a bit less observant or a bit more ignorant when it comes to such an emotional situation like this one. Her focus is likely to be completely on George anyway.
I don't even know why i am pulling this out, but I am not sure about this time jump. It's not something you have ever done before, going back in time from another character's point of view. I have read some books when they do it suddenly as they reach the climax of a book. It does throw me a bit off because until now everything has been in a chronological order and it is confusing for a bit. But then again, it was so valuable to see everything from Akia's point of view. Perhaps more so than Falyn's in the previous chapter? I would rather have had this first, and then have the moment with the barrier and Falyn volunteering to leave happen afterwards. Because then everything would still be in chronological order, and you could have Falyn think back to when the Hund Warrior's had snuck up to show where they came from. It would be a way of doing it without backtracking, and we wouldn't get the battle bit from Falyn's point of view which wasn't so great.
But that is something to think about a lot. It's up to you what you think is more beneficial for your novel.
As previously said, I will be back to see what happens at the end of this part! Things are going down :3
Deanie x
Noelle. You're making this so difficult for me, again. As you saw the lovely spam, I'm not happy with you either, but let's get into this.
So much emotion. Akia knows about Sam and his concussion, so I would think she would be so much more worried about him. Plus, they're supposed to be super close and all. Now, becoming breathless is alright, not the worst, but I totally expected something more after this.
I do have to say, as you saw, I was a little effected by George's death, which I have to commend you for. Up until this point, I had to mental sympathy for George. At all. I wanted him to go die in a hole xD But after this, taking his history, using Akia's perspective as well to get that powerful connection, you portrayed it. And I will admit, I shed a few tears for George. You have this uncanny ability to convey these connection to us, readers, which is fantastic. I hate and love you so much right now xD
Now, about how George died. Why did Rhys hurtle him, or whatever he did, and not go over to finish the job? Just flee? Or even do anything else? It's a little interesting tactic, and, though saddening that George died because of it, seems a little over-dramatic, with the George telling important information as he's dying. (WHICH I KNEW IT. I KNEW HE COULD'VE BEEN LYING.)
I'm so sorry, Noelle. I have literally nothing else to say xD This chapter was too beautifully written, with all the emotion totally apparent, even though the ending was as little rushed for me. When the fight broke out and Akia was being pulled away, it may be because I was still shocked for George's death, but no other complaints. Fantastic job.
Hope you got something out of this :3 Happy writing,
~Wolfare
NOOOOOOOO!!! I've not even read many of the other parts (I think I read one of them) and I don't want George to die! For some reason I like him...
This was superly interesting (and yes, I am making up words. Sue me. It's late and I've written a lot of reviews today- not that I mind, of course). I really, really, really, really liked this. I don't even know why? I mean you had great characters, interesting emotions and concepts but I can't pinpoint exactly what it was that made me like it so much.
I really disagree with RyuCevenost, I thought this had plenty of spark and interest and I'm certainly not 'dead asleep here' but that's just my personal opinion.
I think this was a great length (but I was so excited to write this review that I skim read large chunks of it... a bad habit that I really, really, really need to break... I've used the word really way too many times...
Anyway, I really loved this piece (there it is again)
Tate x
P.S. Really count: 11
P.P.S I counted the really in the really count.
P.P.P.S That's two more.
P.P.P.P.S The really before 'loved this piece at the end' was totally natural... not...
P.P.P.P.P.S Another one...
P.P.P.P.P.P.S I'm really hyper, can you tell? Anyway, I'm going to leave you alone now.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S Another one....shakes head
Byeeeeeee!!!!!!
Okay, Ryu (AKA Southbound) Cevenost here to review!
Okay, although this is good, and I mean really good(and I've been reading your previous chapter) this just seems to be lacking... DEFINITION. Like, a direction. To me, and I'm almost dead asleep here, I see no spark, anything to give it Charisma like you have been doing in your other 39 chapters. I mean, it is very good; very well worded, very well placed, and everything; proper grammar, proper spelling, to me it just seems like it's lacking that one thing that would make it unique, you know, put it out there above the others.
In conclusion, you have a good story going; good plot and setting, thought out characters, but it just seems like it is lacking to me. I am not trying to be rude or anything; mean or anything, I am just trying to give you my honest opinion on review day. It is good, trust me, it just doesn't seem one of a kind. Kind of like there's already multiple stories out there with this in it, just worded differently. But, in all honesty, it is good. Keep writing, and I will keep an eye out because I want to know how it ends(unless you ended it like this, then you could make another book.)
Sincerely,
Ryu(AKA Southbound) Cevenost.