Across Worlds - Chapter 22 Part 2

“This is great and all,” George said. “But someone needs to tell me how Akia is. And if she’s going to die, I need someone to blame.”

Falyn’s heart plummeted at his words. “I’m to blame,” she said in a small voice, pulling away from Zeke. “It’s my fault that Akia is lying there on that bed.”

Sam shook his head. “What happened to Akia has nothing to do with you.”

“Right,” Falyn scoffed. “Because she would’ve gone across the river if I hadn’t pushed her.”

“You had no choice!” Sam argued. “None of the rest of us would’ve helped her.”

“Because you all knew that it was stupid to put her through that! I put her life in danger. She could be dying in there and it’s all my fault!"

“So wait,” George interrupted. “What exactly happened?”

“Falyn saved our existence as we know it. That’s what happened.” It was Phillip’s voice. Falyn looked up to see him standing with two girls, one of them Falyn immediately recognized as Mina. “Without her bringing Akia through, our leader would’ve been lost. You should be thanking her, George.”

“Yes, Sir,” George muttered, lowering his gaze to the floor.

“Mina,” Falyn choked out before running forward and wrapping her arms around her sister. “I’m so glad you’re safe.”

“Me? What about you?” Mina asked. “The second you made it over that river you collapsed. I should be the one relieved that you’re okay.”

Falyn pulled back and looked her sister in the eyes. There was no one else in the world that she wanted to be with at that moment. Except maybe Zeke, but their relationship was much different than her and Mina’s.

The news that Mina was her sister had shocked her at first; she wasn’t willing to believe it. But as they continued on on their journey, she had thought about her and Mina’s friendship. They had known each other for years and were always by each other’s side. They did look the same, which was a plus when it came to believing that they were related. Falyn had decided to keep the information in the back of her mind. It might’ve been true, but at the same time could’ve been a lie.

As time went on, Falyn started to pay more attention to the little quirks that Mina had. Mina’s voice had the same high pitch that Falyn’s had. Their voices weren't exactly same, but Falyn noticed some of her voice in Mina’s; like the way they both ended their sentences on a high note instead of trailing off to a lower octave. And they seemed to walk the same as well. They just had to be related. It would be too much of a coincidence if they weren't.

“It’s nice to know that I have my sister along for the ride,” Falyn said softly, making sure only Mina could hear her. “I don’t know if I’d survive not knowing that I had another family member out there.”

Mina smiled and Falyn could see tears welling up in her eyes. The girls hugged again, helping Falyn to relax and forget the terror of waking up with no memories and making her way around the building looking for answers desperately.

Phillip cleared his throat. “Now that we’ve all been reunited and Falyn’s memory seems to have returned, a nasty side effect from those stupid azure pellets may I add, we can all get back to planning. To the battle rooms? George, you better come too.”

Falyn didn’t like the sound of ‘battle rooms’. She wasn’t much in the mood for fighting, but she knew that she’d have to go along with it. From what she remembered, Akia had said that Phillip was the one in charge of Lightport and planning how to stop Rhys. At least, that’s what she thought Akia had said. She really couldn’t remember for sure; the loss of memory had given her a bit of a cloudy image of her memories.

“This is Layna by the way,” Phillip says, almost as an after thought, motioning to the girl standing next to him. “She’s going to be helping us.”

Falyn looked at the girl, expecting to see someone exactly like Akia. She couldn’t explain it, but after being with Akia for so long, she had imagined that every kid in Lightport was like her; tough, intense, not taking crap from anyone.

Layna seemed to be the complete opposite. Not only did she seem unfazed by everyone, but she looked like a model. Her long, straight blond hair stood out against her perfect tan skin. And her green eyes were dark enough to stand out, but not more than they needed to. She smiled and waved at Falyn as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Did she know about Rhys and his constant threat against all of their powers? Of course she did; how could she not?

So how was she able to be so happy?

“Layna is one of our best trainees,” Phillip continued. “She’s been training almost as long as Akia has. Another fighter will help us greatly.” Phillip’s eyes met Falyn’s before moving to the person beside her. “You might as well come too, Zeke. We have a lot to discuss.”

Phillip turned and started walking back down the hallway. “Wait,” Sam called after him. “How do you know Zeke?”

Phillip turned back to face them. “Zeke has spent many years here. I’m surprised you don’t remember him, Samuel. Lucky that you brought him back with you, really. We were trying to find a way to get him out of Agathi.

“Now let’s go. We’ve got a lot to do. Akia will be fine, George. Give her the night. She’ll be up and walking around by the morning. I’m sure of it.”

George looked like he wasn’t all that keen about leaving Akia, but he obliged and followed Phillip back down the hall. Sam narrowed his eyes as he looked at Zeke, as if he wasn't ready to believe Phillip that Zeke was on their side. But he seemed to give up on the notion that Zeke was the enemy soon and headed off down the hallway with, leaving Falyn alone with Zeke.

She turned to look at Akia through the glass. Akia was lying there just as she had been, no change in her appearance. Falyn did realize though, that Akia’s chest was moving at a more consistent rate. At least there were signs that she was still alive.

“How you feelin’?” Zeke asked, making Falyn jump.

“Alright,” she said after gathering herself. “I’m just worried for her. She doesn’t seem to be improving.”

No matter what anyone said, Falyn would still feel guilty about what happened to Akia. If she hadn’t had pushed Akia through the barrier, Akia would’ve been in perfect health. Sure she would’ve been stuck back in Agathi, but she would’ve been safe. And no doubt Phillip would’ve found a way to get her back to them.

They stood in silence for a while longer. Falyn had thought that Zeke had left until she heard him shift behind her.

“You know,” he said softly. “What you did was brave. I’m not even sure I’d have enough guts to make my way through those pellets.”

She was about to respond, but stopped short when she felt Zeke’s hands rest on her shoulders. Heart pounding, she turned to face him. She hadn’t noticed just how much taller he was than her. She had to look up for their eyes to meet.

“Thanks,” she whispered. To her surprise, a smile found its way onto Zeke’s face. His hands ran down the length of her arms and reached her hands. She sighed happily as their fingers intertwined.

Zeke lowered his gaze as he spoke. “Phillip is going to ask you to do things you’d never imagine. You’ll have to learn new spells, new fighting techniques. He’ll probably even make you learn more about Rhys and where he came from. It’ll be a lot. But it’ll all be for a good cause.”

Falyn shuddered at the thought. “I don’t know if I can do that. This is a lot of pressure.”

“You’ll do fine,” Zeke said. “I believe in you. It won’t be as tough as it sounds.”

Falyn looked at him curiously. “How do you know all of this? Have you and Phillip worked together before? Was he sending you some kind of messages when you were in Agathi? How’d you even get to Agathi in the first place? What was—"

“Whoa, slow down!” Zeke laughed. It was the first time that she had heard him laugh; truly laugh. It was a deep sound, but lighthearted and free at the same time. Her heart swelled with joy as she relished in the moment.

But it ended all too quickly as Zeke’s face took on a much more serious look. “Just know that I’m behind you in this. I know that Sam and Mina will be too. Even Akia when she finally gets better. Together we’re going to find a way to kick Rhys’s ass and get those powers back.”

With that, he smiled down at her and led her down the hallway, his hand never leaving hers.

----------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,546

Comments & reviews · 7
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
AdmiralKat
Review

Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review! I can see that the past Wolfare1 stole my introduction partially... Cure you past Wolfare1! Anyways, let's see what we have right here!

That phrase that George says at the beginning is genius. Pure genius. That phrase is something that I can relate to entirely. Like that is something I would say. I would be like everything is perfect in my life but... I need someone to blame if something wrong occurs. You know? (I blame Wolfare1 for everything bad! EVERYTHING!)

Noelle. Great job with the character development with the main character. Like where Falyn is thinking about how Mina is her sister and they are all having a heart felt moment, my heart feels like it is being ripped out of my chest even though the characters are fake. Like could someone hand me a tissue please? I need something to blow my nose in!

She really couldn’t remember for sure; the loss of memory had given her a bit of a cloudy image of her memories.

That last part is a bit redundant right here. The loss of memory results in the loss of memory! WHAT? I didn't know that the loss of memory=the loss of memory!

AWWWW! All this cuteness between Zeke and Falyn is too cute. Oh my gosh! How can I not ship it now? AWW! Noelle, the way you described that really was the cutest thing ever! I am so happy that you have created this ship even though I was against this(and I reviewed this after you wrote this).

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review. Two things. I apologize in advance for my scattered reviews. And second, I won't be reading previous reviews, so if I repeat something, then you'll know it's important and something which needs to be fixed. Oh, and I'll be commenting I read, so bear with me.

So one thing that kind if sticks out at me is when Falyn switches to thinking about Mina. She recalls that she was baffled when she first found out, which is understandable, but then goes on to say she wasn't willing to believe it. She wasn't willing? Or it was too outrageous to believe? It seems odd that she wouldn't be willing to accept that one of her best friends in the world is her sister, so she would be willing to believe it, but maybe it wouldn't be an easy change. Just my two cents.

Another thing that I wonder is what was the point of taking away Falyn's memories, and then returning them soon after? What did the story gain from that? I can see you wanting to take it back a notch and come in from a completely clueless perspective, but I don't see the significance. Something to think about when you revise.

Falyn and Zeke are so cute together <3

Well, other than those little things, I thought this chapter was great. So we get to see more on George, we meet a new character. Phillip talks just a little but more. There's a lot I'm wondering right now, about what Falyn needs to know, how long they have, what's the plan? I might've read ahead, so I might ask about something that happens on later chapters too, so if I do that, let me know. Anyways. Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here

This part of the chapter seems to have a focus, and that focus is very centered on Falyn and her guilt. It's funny how she still feels she has done something wrong even though they have all told her time and time again that she saved them, that's she's a heroine. But, no. All she can do is look through the room and see Akia lying so sickly, and I think that is what keeps bringing the guilt back to her.

“Mina,” Falyn choked out before running forward and wrapping her arms around her sister.


This whole sister thing is totally confusing, and I will tell you why. Here's the beginning of that part. Falyn runs forward and throws her arms around her sister. There, right there, she has acknowledged without hesitation that Mina is her sister - no doubts at all. But then as the chapter goes on, she starts to speculate and think about it more, as if she isn't sure anymore and that Mina could just be a big coincidence. I think this part--

It might’ve been true, but at the same time could’ve been a lie.


--really tells me that she isn't certain at all and is still looking for the answers. Which is strange, since the part I quoted above left no room for uncertainty. Mina was her sister. End of story. So it's strange for her to start all of this speculation and thinking about it... if she is only going to doubt the fact that they are sisters. I just think you need to go in there and tweak wording and stuff, to make it so that we can see that she is still not completely sure about it, because that seems to be what you're trying to put across, but your message there is stifled by my confusion at those parts.

This new character, Layna.... I am going to have to see more of her soon, because I don't know what to think of her quite yet. She acts exactly as Falyn said, so that's good that our thoughts about her are the same concerning her. I look forward to seeing mooooore of her in the next few chapters, because she seems like a fun addition to their team. Someone who is always cheerful is probably a good thing for their team - a group chocked full of serious people. Of course they all have reasons to be serious all the time....

She sighed happily as their fingers intertwined


*facepalm* Well, it seems as though that part is set in stone. Falyn really does like Zeke like she has been leading up to the entire time. I just wonder how it's going to work, if Zeke really does love her, and all that. I mean, Zeke doesn't really show his feelings as much to people, so it makes me wonder. He seems as though he does, but you can never know with him, I guess.

Now I am concerned about Sam and Falyn and how that's all going to work out. Because, when I think about it, I was really expecting for them to be a couple at the beginning (nice twisssst) and so I just put them together quite happily. Now Sam needs somebody, and I don't think Akia is the one. Perhaps this new girl? hehe We will see.

I don't think there is anything else I can add to this piece, or anything I can add the wonderful advice your reviewers have already given you.

See you at next chapter.
~Darth Timmyjake

User avatar
Holysocks
Comment

Hello Noelle!

I'm still not convinced that Zeke is on their side. In fact, I'm pretty sure now that he's just using Falyn's hormones to, well, get her trust. I'll be sad though, if it turns out that way, because as I've said before I like Falyn and Zeke as a couple. Maybe I'm wrong, and Zeke is good after all, but we'll see. :-D You certainly make me think, Noelle.

I forgot Mina and Falyn were sisters! Heavens, I need to get back in the swing of things.
George kind of feels like a male version of Akia to me. You know how Akia seems a bit grumpy when you first meet her? It's like that with George a bit, as well. Makes me wonder who this George fellow is. Perhaps their related? I'm not sure. Maybe they're just good friends.

I can't think of anything in this part that needs critiquing, it was a pretty good part of a chapter ( though short- it's just a part though XP ). Yeah, the only thing that I'd say is that it is quite a short chapter, and you really should be more considerate of your reviewers!!!!!!! There's not much to work with here, Noelle!! <3 ;) I'm totally just joking.

Great job! Keep it up!!! :-P

User avatar
PeanutPhoebe
Review

Okay, so is George related to Akia?? And Zeke is with Phillip? And who's this new girl, Layna?? And while the Falyn and Zeke part is pretty well-written and kinda cute, it's just not right!! Is she totally throwing Sam out the window?? And her admiration of him is really sudden. I mean, you've hinted, but nothing this serious. Toooo many questions that I need answered!! :) *calms down again* I told you, fangirling:) I liked this chapter, but I didn't. It is definitely done well, but there are a lot of questions raised and parts of the plot that I don't like as much... But I will like it in the end, I promise!! I loved your word choices and sentence structure in this part. (That's the grammar freak coming out in me) Oh, and what's with Phillip training them?? Like, doesn't that take years? Oh, and what is the size of Lightport and it's "army"? I apologize for the short review, it's just that I don't have much advise. Just a lot of questions at the moment.

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Fri Sep 19, 2014 10:39 pm

Hi there Noelle!

Yay, I am back and before you posted again. This feels like some kind of achievement, even though it shouldn't really xD

I didn't know the romance was shifting from Sam and Falyn to Falyn to Zeke! It kind of surprised me even though I should've seen it coming because you hinted at it and all, and I guess I am kinda slow on the uptake xD But anyways, noooo! I am all for Sam and Falyn, Akia and Sam are too good friends to become a couple D: As for this chapter in itself, it felt a little bit disjointed, which is something I will mention later. Although it was very well written, and we're getting to see some new characters, I feel like this one lacked in some ways that other chapters didn't. I hope I can help make them balance out!

“This is great and all,” George said.


Did I miss something? Who is this George? Is it the guy that Falyn bumped into in the hallway?

If so, he has to have a bit more of description surrounding him. Sure, Akia and him are best friends, but I find myself asking how that happened. I want to see more of his personality shine through so I can know what it is about him that makes him get along so well with the intense, prickly person. I feel like he is thrown in there and suddenly accepted by everyone as a member of the group. But truth be told, Mina and Falyn don't know him completely and wouldn't trust him yet. Zeke probably wouldn't either. As for Sam, I don't know where he stands with George yet. But I don't get the impression that he is not a part of the group at all, the vibes come across as him having been accepted and classes as a 'friend' already. That all seems to quick to me.

Also, when it comes to this chapter, George seems to ask two questions, say yessir, and apart from a small mention, then is ignored. It made me feel like his character was only really there to ask the questions so we could get a little recap. Try not have characters like this, and even so, George would be the wrong one to use because we don't know him well enough yet. We want to see more of him, and not have his first impression be that he is simply the character to help refresh our minds on past events and is only there to benefit the authors narrative. So, if this does need to happen, either choose a different character for it, or show us a whole lot more George!

I feel like this chapter was too sudden, disjointed, and unfeeling. One moment Falyn wakes up, and just gets out of this horrible turmoil of pain for all they know, where she really wasn't okay. She was out for plenty days. Then she sees Akia and is crying her eyes out. And then they are sending her off to go train. Train! Now of all times? Sheesh, give the girl a break with you? After her life being so fast paced, even if a baddie is after them, she would only preform best with a bit of rest after her late events. We need to remember Falyn is not someone used to being on the run and doing all these great feats and she only just woke up! I feel like she should be more fatigued, exhausted and should be given longer for recovery. Especially as she has emotional struggle now as well, on top of everything.

The whole idea of training just now seems a little too soon for me :/

I would've thought Falyn would be more curious about the rest of Lightport now that she is here. All she has seen of it has been the inside of this house, whomever it belongs to. This is the place where her true parents have come from, where she came from, and her little escape she had always daydreamed about when she was at school, beyond the border. (Don't think I haven't forgotten about that!) Doesn't she want to go explore? See what the area looks like, see all the people going about their business and see if any of it feel remotely familiar? I know I would!

Sure she would’ve been stuck back in Agathi,


Comma needed after the first one.

Actually, now I come to think of the very first chapters of this story, I can once again revel in how much this story has developed! It has definitely come quite a long way, and only for the better. Keep up this quality of work Noelle, because in general this novel is becoming more and more interesting, and something I can imagine pulling off my own bookshelf ;)

Deanie x

User avatar
r4p17
Review
r4p17 wrote a review · Fri Sep 19, 2014 6:34 pm

Knight r4 here to review this work! I am really sorry it took me so looong to get to this, but here I am! I can't wait to see what happens next, though I just hope it isn't Zayln! XD

“So wait,” George interrupted. “What exactly happened?”
This totes isn't comical! :P

“Mina,” Falyn choked out before running forward and wrapping her arms around her sister. “I’m so glad you’re safe.”
As far as I know, you didn't introduce Mina into the scene, so I think that it might be helpful if you were to do so before including here in dialogue.

They did look the same, which was a plus when it came to believing that they were related.
I suggest that you put 'did' in italics. When i read it I emphasized it automatically in my mind, but I realized that you didn't, so I just thought I would mention it! But that's just my opinion!

It would be too much of a coincidence if they weren't.
Why in the world didn't she think of that before?!

the loss of memory had given her a bit of a cloudy image of her memories.
I thought that she had just got her memory back... or was that just Philips' misperception. Either way, I would clarify that since it is a little confusing.

tough, intense, not taking shit from anyone.
That seems a little out of character for Falyn. Also, I would rate this for having language in it! I prefer not to read works with language, and I am sure there are others out there who are the same way.

We were trying to find a way to get him out of Agathi.
0-0 Now you have me confused! I thought Zeke was a bad dude! Or at least suspected to be bad... idk!

She sighed happily as their fingers intertwined.
Nooo! What is happening!!!

Well overall, this chapter was alright. It sort of cleared a few things up, though I am still not liking this Zalyn stuff! Just get rid of that and I will be happy. I hope this is just filler for this transition. -_- Well I guess that is about all that I have for you. Happy writing!!! :D

This review courtesy of
Image

Gah! I was sure I changed that word >< I'll edit that out. I changed it once I looked over it. Guess it didn't make the final cut.

Which word?

The curse word.

Oh! Thanks! :P



You may deem me romantic, my dear sister, but I bitterly feel the want of a friend.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein