Across Worlds - Chapter 30

Rhys kicked at the rubble as he made his way down the road. The path was nearly buried beneath all the scraps of metal and debris. He could barely make out where the path ended at walkways to buildings. And it made him smile.

This world was once a large powerhouse. He had spent many a night trying to sneak out of captivity there. All those years that he had disappeared, when no one knew where he had gone, he had been trapped in Vertfay. The magicians thought they owned everything because their powers were more advanced. Of course they decided that they would be the ones to imprison him.

Now it was nothing but a desolate landscape of broken and toppling buildings. They had wronged him and he had made them pay. It didn’t even matter that it was Akia’s home world. She had found a world that treated her much better than Vertfay ever could. She was a part of something great. Unfortunately, that greatness would need to come to an end.

It was dark. The sun had risen nearly four hours ago, but the smog combined with the thick clouds kept it hidden from view. Combined with the crumbling buildings and fallen trees, the entire world seemed like a blur, like it wasn’t even there.

The fight had been long and hard. Kit had tried his hardest to save the world. But in the end, Rhys had captured Kit and destroyed the world he loved the most. And then he killed him. Everything had been taken care of. Now he was back to meet someone. Why they wanted to meet in this world made no sense to him.

“You made it,” came a sly voice from behind him. He spun to see a man standing there with a green mask covering his face and dressed in purple robes. It was the same purple that the Hund Warriors wore. A smile crept across Rhys’s lips. The man had done his research.

“So did you.” Rhys responded. He had met the man before, but he had been wearing a different mask. The past mask was a deep blue color with golden swirls on the forehead. This one had the same design, but was a deep green color. The hue truly stood out against the empty grays that surrounded them.

“There was never any doubt that I’d be here,” the man said pompously. “It’s you I’ve had to convince to play along.”

Rhys rolled his eyes, tired of the man’s attitude. “Well you’ve convinced me. Sow why exactly am I here?”

The man didn’t respond. He simply motioned to the street before them and started walking. Rhys had no choice but to follow. He could stay and argue with the man, demand that he get information before going, but he knew he couldn’t win. The masked man wasn’t one to converse with commoners such as himself.

Commoner. Rhys scoffed at the thought. He wasn’t a commoner anymore. He was in charge of people. People were scared of him. He wasn’t their equal anymore.

The surroundings didn’t get any better as they walked. Buildings were crumbling, siding still cracking as the wind attacked it. A sign barely hung on to the hair thin string keeping it attached to the point next to a door hanging off its hinges. Two bright, green letters shone into the dark:

Noyes Noodles

He stared at the words, trying to make sense of them. Akia’s family had a noodle place, he knew that. But why was it this sign still in tact? There were many other businesses in the world, yet this was the only one that still had life to it.

“Are you going to stare at an old sign all day?”

“No,” Rhys said quickly, turning to face the man. “It just reminded me of what this place used to be.”

“Don’t get sentimental on me,” the man grunted. He led Rhys a bit farther down the road, then paused. It wasn’t until he glanced around him that he took a step forward that he realized what was going on.

“What the hell is that?” Rhys couldn’t contain his surprise.

There in the middle of the road, was a giant crater. It was unlike any he had ever seen. It wasn’t a normal crater, one made by a meteor hitting the ground. The ground barely even bent inward. There were cracks running from where they were standing to the center of the crater. They got smaller, but more populous as they reached the center. It seemed that the ground was cracking from the center out. The ground was destroyed from the inside out.

Rhys had seen craters before, that wasn’t what worried him. It was the center of the crater that was confusing. The ground seemed to be pulsating. If he squinted enough, he could see the rocks and gravel shaking and sliding across the ground.

But what concerned him the most was what was shining through the cracks. He thought it was just his imagination at first, but when he took a step closer, he realized that it was really there. Each time the ground pulsed, more color showed through. It started out as a simple orange color, as if a meteor had struck and was stuck beneath the surface. When it changed to greens and blues and yellows, Rhys knew that it was something different.

“It’s magic,” the man said, his voice so quiet that Rhys barely heard it. “Trapped beneath the surface – hidden from anyone who truly needs it.”

Rhys stared. If what the man was saying was true, it would explain why there was magic he couldn’t get to. The seers only had so much. The teleks had even less. The shapeshifters were so drained of their magic that they barely put up a fight.

“You mean, all of the magics are being held here?”

“Indeed.” the man responded. A smile appeared on his lips before abruptly disappearing. “I thought this is what you wanted? All of the magic is right here. All you have to do is get that silly locket of yours and absorb it all.”

Rhys hesitated. He still hadn’t been able to find the locket. It wasn’t something he wanted the masked man to know about either. But it seemed like it wasn’t a secret he could keep.

“You don’t have it, do you?” the man asked. Rhys remained silent, staring at the cracks beneath his feet. He jumped when the man laughed. It was loud, echoing off the broken buildings surrounding them.

“And I thought I was dealing with an equal here.” The man shook his head and turned his back to Rhys. The motion angered Rhys, but he didn’t retaliate. If he wanted the man’s help, he’d have to stay on his good side. “Here I get you the one thing you’ve been searching for and you can’t even contain it.”

“I’m close,” Rhys said defiantly. “Not long from now they’ll be here and I’ll get the information I need.”

The man turned back to face him. If he didn’t have a mask covering his expressions, Rhys was sure he’d see his face twist into confusion. “They? You’re relying on others to get you to where you want to be?”

Rhys stood taller. “Yes.”

The masked man shook his head. “You’re an idiot.”

“I am not,” Rhys retorted. “Everything is working according to plan. You leave me to my business and I’ll leave you to yours. That was the deal, right?”

Before the masked man could answer, there was a sudden rush of wind and a bright green light. Rhys whirled around to see Niro walking towards them, dragging a small kid with him by the collar of his shirt.

The boy looked to be twelve years old. He had short black hair and his cheeks were littered with freckles. They weren’t as pronounced as others Rhys had seen, but it was obvious that they were there. The boy’s big blue eyes were full of fear.

“Here,” Niro grunted, letting go of the kid roughly when they reached Rhys. “They’ll come for the kid soon.”

The masked man laughed again. “This is your plan? A lonely kid to act as bait?”

Rhys ignored him. After waving Niro away, he squatted in front of the boy. They were at eye level with each other. Rhys hadn’t noticed before, but the boy’s eyes were glistening with tears. “What’s your name?”

“Seth,” the boy responded in a small voice. “You’re not gonna kill me, are you?”

Rhys felt a sudden rush of sympathy for the kid, but he forced it away. He wouldn’t lose it again like when he last saw Akia. “No. We wouldn’t do that. But the person who’s coming to get you… well, we’ll probably kill her.”

The terror returned to the boy’s face and he started shaking his head furiously. “You can’t so that! I won’t let you! If you try and do anything I’ll punch you in the face!”

Rhys only rolled his eyes and stood again. Looking to Niro he said, “Can you get this kid to shut up?” Niro placed a hand on Seth’s shoulder. It only made his panic more, but soon Seth’s eyes began to droop. Seconds later he was lying on the ground, snoring.

“You two are too much,” the masked man said, shaking his head. “You let me know if your little kidnapping gig works out. I’ll be off doing the real dirty work.” And with the snap of his fingers, he was gone.

Rhys let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. The man had come and left without doing any damage. And Rhys was able to convince him that he was still on track. As long as he followed the plan exactly, he’d be able to join the masked man and the real plan would go into action.

“Is that the creep you’ve been telling me about?” Niro asked. Rhys wrinkled his nose. He didn’t appreciate Niro calling the man a creep, but he nodded. “Huh. He should probably respect us more.”

Rhys was going to respond, but decided against it. He had enough to worry about. He didn’t want to get into an argument with Niro. “We have to get going. We’ll have to be as far away from this… thing when she gets here.”

“Why?” Niro asked. He turned to look at the crater. “What is this?”

“Magic.” Was all Rhys said as he turned and walked away. Niro would follow, he knew it. And without a reasonable explanation, Niro wasn’t going to risk going near the crater. The magic would be there when he ready for it. When Akia gave him the locket, he’d be back.

---------------------------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word Count: 1,798

Comments & reviews · 6
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
r4p17
Review
r4p17 wrote a review · Fri Aug 07, 2015 3:46 pm

Hey Noelle, Knight r4 here for a very much belated review of this novel! :D This is literally my first review in months so if I sound a little rusty that's why. Let's get started!

Okay, first off I have some praise! I like the way you write villains. You make Rhys seem likeable by making him out as a sort of victim. You make the reader sympathetic for him, even if he doesn't deserve any sympathy, which is a good aspect in this story. :)

A sign barely hung on to the hair thin string keeping it attached to the point next to a door hanging off its hinges.
I'n not exactly sure what is wrong with this, but it doesn't feel right a little too wordy, I think, I felt like it could be described more concisely.

“You mean, all of the magics are being held here?”
I just have to say, that's so cool! And scary, that would be reall crazy if Rhys gets to all of that magic. I meant that would kind of make him really powerful.

I'm confused is Niro the man who took Seth, or the one with the mask talking to risk. I dan't figure this out.

The magic would be there when he ready for it.
I think you forgot to add "was" to this sentence?

I really liked this chapter. I couldn't find too many nitpicks in it and I can't wait to see what will happen! Boy, this is starting to get tense! I bet the final showdown will be amazing! I'm really looking forward to see how all of this will end. I think you are doing a good job of drawing people in, right up until the end! Like I haven't read this in forever and I got caught up in it right away! :D You're doing a great job! Keep writing. :D Knight r4 ~

User avatar
AdmiralKat
Review

Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...

I love how Rhys thinks that what he did was correct and what other people think is wrong. This is really what a true villain is like. In real life, a villain may convince a group of people that what they think is the truth but what they have known and what they have accepted is wrong. That is how Hitler came into power for example. You have developed Rhys so well and because of that he is my favorite character. I love writing the stories of villains and if I could choose any character to write in their perspective in, in this story, it would be Rhys.

I really wish you could refer to that first memory that Akia had of Kit because it's really faded in my memory and it probably is important to the plot of your story. You could just refer to it like in a flashback or just referring to in in a single paragraph in the story would be fine.

Oh! Found something that might help with the path or story of Rhys. There's a thing called the villain's journey. It starts with him being the master(say when he had this powers). Then loss follows it(losing his powers). Denial: where he has to hide at Akia's place. Dragon: the current situation(dragon is where they are fighting the hero). Foiled: where the villain's plans are foiled. Though, I would adore it if you had Rhys win. That would be the best ending to this novel. Then the echo, where some sort of the villain is echoed through the world. So like he may still be alive or some evil is still in the world. So far you are following this outline but I suggest that you end it with Rhys winning just to go against all expectations.

So where is the locket right now? Is it around Akia's neck or something? I haven't been reminded constantly of the location of the locket so I forgot where it was. :P

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle!

This is my absolute favorite chapter you have written yet. I love but hate Rhys. Seriously, you are doubt such an amazing job with his character and after the bit if exposition part at the beginning, I sank right into your writing and felt so into it. It was just beautifully written.

Now, the part before hand seems a little disconnected as it seems to kind of struggle before getting into the flow, but that's always the super hard part. So, let's start with some things I wrote as I read through.

... combined with the thick clouds kept it hidden from view. Combined with the crumbling buildings...


I don't think you realized this when writing it, but these two sentences are completely different but I thought they were both in one with nearly the exact same wording as dependent clauses. Spice it up a bit and give us something that's not what you used literally seven words before? xD

The beginning, I must say, is rather scattered jumping all over from describing the surrounding area, to Rhys' thoughts a motives, goings to Akia and memories before returning to the desolate land that is Vertfey. There doesn't seem to be much of direction you're going in as you set the mood for the rest of the chapter. Try to narrow it down to one thought as a time so it doesn't seem as confusing and just lost-ish.

But, I really loved how much Rhys is thinking about Akia. Even the noodle shop thing is perfect! Just, a suggestion for the future is to maybe just mention Akia's last name a little more often? When I first saw the sign, it took me a second to process the connection between the noodles and Akia's family owning a shop like this.

Another super big question I had in the middle of reading this was: What does kit have to do with anything? Yes, he is Akia's father, but Rhys makes it out like Kit was the only thing standing in his way of destroying Vertfay. And I don't think he was. And this is also another thing that sort of contributes to that scattered ish feeling. So, why does Rhys make it out like the moment he destroyed Kit that the world crumbles, like his soul was linked somehow? I think some clarification is due in that area.

Well, another really great chapter I enjoyed so much! The ending with Seth was probably my favorite, when Rhys talked about killing Akia and luring them there with Seth. Then that man who was with them. Geeze, he definitely sees Rhys as a joke. And you created a great mystery around who he is! Nice job! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sat Jan 10, 2015 8:46 am

Hi Noelle!

This is probably going to be a really short review because I can't see anything much that is wrong with this chapter. You did a really good job here. I loved the description of the crumbling area as Rhys walks through it and I could easily imagine him relishing in the damage he caused, almost showcasing how evil he really has become. And just like some of the feedback has said you managed to put in a new factor to the story, a new variable. We don't know who this mysterious man is and what he wants, but we know it isn't good for Akia and her band's case. Even if they do manage to defeat Rhys it looks like he is not going to be their only problem anymore. And seeing as Rhys only wants this guys approval and to be seen as his equal instead of below him it seems like this man can only be stronger... I can't wait to know what is going to happen next!

Even though Rhys is the bad boy now, I am sure he has a few more emotions for this place that both Akia and him called home. I want to know what he thinks of about other things, other than the sign. Was there a playground they spent time in, or her house, or something else with jogs his memory back to a past time? Also, when he is speaking of the girl who is going to rescue Seth (who I assume is Akia) he says he is probably going to kill her in an unfeeling manner. But this is a chance when we can see Rhys's true thoughts about Akia. He did try to warn her, but does he actually hate her like we believe? Or does he see her still as a friend who has just been misguided and will need to be killed because she is supporting the wrong side?

Now it was nothing but a desolate landscape of broken and toppling buildings.


Because you keep on saying toppling and crumbling, it makes it seem like this battle has only recently ended. And that this place is only recently being destroyed because the destruction is still going on. In that case, shouldn't Rhys be a bit bruised from the battle, or something? Shouldn't there be bodies to show that a small war just waged on? It seems to be all to clean and battle free for a place which is still suffering the consequences. And they way you are writing this makes it seem like Rhys went somewhere and then came back here. Would he have had time for that? I just feel like those two things don't add up.

Another thing is, I feel like we skipped over the juicy bit. Some writers tend to do this, and then I feel like I have missed something which could've included a lot of action and been a part of the story where things could've sped up a bit before slowing down again - and we miss it! Why don't we get to see some of the battle? I am sure the magicians themselves would've been here, magic would've been used and we could see a few more of the powers. It would be awesome to see. On top of that, I would love to see Kit fighting desperately, using everything he can against Rhys and yet still failing. Were there any last words? A look of satisfaction on Rhys's face when he ended things? I want to know. There could've been so much added into here, a whole chapter, but we're only seeing the aftermath of it. Try not to take the easy way out!

Unfortunately, that greatness would need to come to an end.


I am not sure Rhys would've said unfortunately. Maybe Akia would've, but this is his plan. He is the one who is doing it. So maybe he would be like 'It is time for the greatness to end' or something else to show that he isn't feeling remorseful about what he is about to do, but thinks it is far time that it actually happens.

You can’t so that!


Just one little nitpick - I think you meant 'do' instead of 'so'.

Other than what has been said, I don't think there is much more I can say! So I will be moving onto the next chapter and looking forward to finding out more about this mysterious man...

Deanie x

User avatar
Holysocks
Review

Hello Noelle! Happy Review Day! :-P ( I swear I'm not saving your chapters for review days )

I really, really, like this chapter. Through out the whole thing Rhys is trying really hard to be as tough as he normally is... but it doesn't work! With this mysterious man, suddenly Rhys doesn't seem like such a threat, and I like it.

Commoner. Rhys scoffed at the thought. He wasn’t a commoner anymore. He was in charge of people. People were scared of him. He wasn’t their equal anymore.


^ This is a good example of Rhys trying to be all tough, and it kind of fails shortly after...


“You mean, all of the magics are being held here?”

I'm not sure if you meant to say 'magics' or not, but I think it sounds funny ( in a good way ). You know how people will be like "I has to go now... need to feed the sheeps." Well, that's what it sounded like to me, and I started giggling! XD If it's a grammar mistake though, I guess it should be corrected. :/

The masked man shook his head. “You’re an idiot.”

“I am not,” Rhys retorted.


'Yes you are.' 'No I'm not.' I love this chapter! It's like they're little kids arguing! I don't know why this amuses me so much right now!

“Can you get this kid to shut up?”


I like this... but I feel that I shouldn't like this. It sounds like Rhys is actually asking him to shut Seth up... like he doesn't know if Niro is capable of shutting a kid up. The other thing is it seems like Rhys is almost being polite ( I know he's not, but you know? )... like, this evil villain guy probably shouldn't be politely asking the people he's in charge of to do things... he probably should be ordering them. But on the other hand, I really like the thought of a polite villain! In fact, I'm sold on it! It's up to you. Whatever you do I'm here for you!!! And I'll support you to the bitter end!

“Huh. He should probably respect us more.”


I just, I love it. I love the uncertainty that comes through his choice of words and everything.

-Socks

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here

You know something I officially just noticed? Rhys doesn't sound evil, and not really in the slightest. To me, he sounds just confused and unsure of where to turn, but wanting to be in power and stronger than anyone. And he wants to be noticed. It's almost like he just has something to prove. The other guy is a totally different story. Like what Niro said, he gives me the creeps. So yayyy for that, right? xD I always have liked how you do your villains, Noelle. They're always so deep and wonderful, and sometimes not even evil sounding - just doing the wrong thing. And I wonder how you're going to go about this, because unlike the other dude wearing the robes, I do feel something for Rhys and his position. I mean, yeah, he has brought this whole thing upon himself. But with the memories with him and Akia, and the scenes like this... I don't know. I find myself liking him, despite the alarm bells going ding ding! all the time.

“Well you’ve convinced me.


Comma after well

Sow why exactly am I


Typo is pretty obvious there. (;

Buildings were crumbling, siding still cracking as the wind attacked it


Judging from the first half of this sentence, the second half seemed like it was meant to "explain" the first half or something, like tell what you meant by buildings crumbling. And while I was expecting actual crumbling of buildings in a description for me, all I got was some cracked siding. ;_; That happens to normal houses! That happens to ill-used houses, those that aren't maintained. When you do the beginning of a gripping description - something that has already attracted the attention of the reader - be sure you follow up and complete it with just as strong as an ending. The first half of this sentence was great, but the follow-up description or explanation of it didn't live up to the first half. I think you could tweak that, and make this description stronger.

Rhys whirled around to see Niro


Just a note of something I have noticed really a lot of in this chapter: Spinning around, whirling around, turning about, turning to face him - stuff like that. There's a lot of repeat actions. And while that may be something which we do in real life, and while you're trying to keep the dialogue visual with actions from the characters (something I truly love about your writing), those parts seem fake and stereotypical. Not stereotypical of the character, but of the writer. Turning around or spinning around is always an easy action to write. You can do better.

If you try and do anything I’ll punch you in the face!”


Awww, how cute. c: But, seriously dude, that won't work too well. Why was I here? O.0 Oh, yes. You need a comma after anything

It only made his panic more,


only made him panic more

Rhys let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.


That no worky. If he is letting out the breath right now, like now in the story, he can't be holding is back still. But the way you're writing it confusingly states that he is letting out a breath and holding one in he didn't know about... all at the same time. o.0 Sounds bloody confusing to me, just to explain what I am talking about. Hopefully you understand. xD

I do believe you may have written your first chapter of the book without a horribly mean cliffhanger. EVERYONE STOP. Better mark it on your calendars. This is an unusual day, and not one we're likely to see again. Because I know how much you love them. :3 Anywho, this chapter was written so beautifully, and I am liking the characters of both Niro and Seth (who I don't remember save for the comments in the previous chapter about Seth, the missing kid). I know Niro has been in a previous chapter, or at least his name is familiar. The dude wearing the mask? I have absolutely no idea. Perhaps it's just my terrible memory, but he seems like a new character to me - especially since he doesn't seem to have a name yet. Perhaps he will merit one in the next chapters?

I am really enjoying these villain chapters, Noelle. Normally I hate the chapters that deviate from the main characters' perspectives, but you do them all wonderfully, and don't confuse me in the slightest while doing them.
Keep going at it
~Darth Timmyjake



rule #1 of being a potato: potatoes gotta defend their friends from negative self-talk
— Spearmint