Across Worlds - Chapter 25 Part 1

Falyn

When she and Zeke reached the floor that the battle room was on, everyone else was already waiting there. Falyn quickly dropped Zeke’s hand, feeling her face get hot. She was sure that she wasn’t ready for anyone to find out about her feelings for Zeke. No doubt she wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Looking up, she realized Sam was looking at her, his brows knit. She quickly diverted her gaze. Mina and Layna, the girl Phillip had introduced them to, weren’t far away from Sam, deep in conversation. Something stirred inside her. Was it – jealousy? Mina had found another friend. Falyn was happy for her, but at the same time she wished that Mina only cared for her. They’d been friends for much longer than they had been in Lightport.

“Let’s go,” Zeke mumbled. She hesitated before following him down the hall.

“Where were you two?” Sam asked when they reached him.

“We, um,” she snuck a glance at Zeke whose expression was just as plain as it had always been. “Zeke was explaining some things to me.” He grunted and walked passed her, the exact reaction that she wanted out of him. She wasn’t sure if he had done it on purpose or not, but he was perfect. Sam wouldn’t suspect anything.

She watched Zeke burst into the battle room, nearly breaking the door off its hinges, and disappeared. She let out the breath that she hadn’t noticed she was holding in and turned her attention back to Sam. He was still staring her, but she shook off is gaze.

There was once a time when she wouldn’t have been able to do that. She would’ve been mesmerized by his blue eyes, his white toothed smile. Those eyes still captivated her, but not in the way Zeke’s touch made her squirm. A good squirm of course, not a repulsive one; a feeling she looked forward to.

“So,” she started. “Where are we exactly?”

Sam gave her a puzzled look as if it were the most obvious answer. But he soon relaxed his gaze, seeming to figure out what exactly she was asking. “Headquarters. This is the only building in Lightport that is used for working purposes. Of course there are tiny markets and stuff around the world, which you’ll see soon enough, but this is used for… professional work, if you will. It’s used to plan and train.”

“Plan and train,” she repeated slowly. “So this is where everyone goes to get their ideas together?”

Sam shrugged. “I guess you could look at it that way. We’ve been training kids in the magics for years now. Their parents live out in the world running farms or working for Phillip. This is where they send their kids to train. All the while we’re working on finding ways to stop Rhys from attacking any more worlds.”

“Magics; plural. What other magics are there here?”

“I’m a seer,” George said without even bothering to look her way. “And man could I tell you some horror stories about your future.”

“Shut up, George,” Sam snapped. He shook his head and rolled his eyes, as if trying to tell her that George is no one to take seriously. But she knew better.

Falyn was a mage. George was a seer. Her idea of seers was biased as her people weren’t all too fond of them. She didn’t want to be living up to the stereotype.

She had a feeling that he didn’t like her too much. They hadn’t met before so there was no reason for him to be this rude. It gave her an uneasy feeling, like she had done something to him that she wasn’t aware of. He was a seer after all; it was possible that she would do something to him in the future that gives him a reason to hate her.

She shook her head. She wasn’t in the mood to cloud her mind with confusing thoughts of the future.

Mina had finished her conversation with Layna and came Falyn’s way. “We’re in Pollume,” she squealed. Sam rolled his eyes and tried to hide a smile. “Can you believe it? Pollume! No mage has ever stepped foot into this world before.”

“It’s not really something to be all too excited about,” Sam admitted. “Out here, in the worlds beyond Agathi, people travel between worlds all the time.”

Mina stuck her tongue out at him. “Well I haven’t been to another world before, so it’s exciting for me.” Sam rolled his eyes, making Mina reach out and smack him playfully. They went back and forth like siblings. Falyn couldn’t help but laugh.

But what Mina had said kept repeating through her mind. Pollume. They were in Pollume. That’s the first time she had heard that name used since they had gotten there. It was Lightport now, no longer the prosperous world home to the seers.

She was where she had always wanted to be. Finally, she was in another world. Oddly enough, it felt exactly the same as being in Agathi. She had imagined it would look different, which it did – not as different as she had thought – smell different, feel different.

But it did make her feel different. She really couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was like she was a different person in Pollume. She’d spent sixteen years of her life in the world on the other side of the Sumner River. Why was it that she now felt the most at home in this world?

My parents! She thought suddenly. Her parents were here. Her home was here. Agathi was just a ploy, a fake. This was where she truly belonged. She’d dreamed of this world, thought of this world, every day and night. At the moment she hadn’t known why. But it was all starting to make sense.

When would she get to meet her parents? A part of her was terrified to see them, but she knew she’d have to meet them eventually. Despite them not being in her life for all those years, she knew that they were special to her. And she was special to them too, she was sure of it.

“Can I tell her, please?” George begged.

Falyn looked up to see him standing there a few feet away. When had he gotten there? How had she missed him coming over?

“No,” Sam snapped. “Phillip said no.”

“I don’t care. I want to tell her; see the terror in her eyes.”

Sam whirled around and grabbed George by the collar of his shirt. “If you don’t shut up I’m gonna punch you out.”

Falyn was waiting for George to fight back, but he didn’t. He only grinned and said, “Do it. See what Phillip does.”

Sam narrowed his eyes before letting go. “You’re really getting on my nerves, George. Shut it or I’ll do much worse. And I won’t care what Phillip does to me.”

“Oh,” George said, his grin spreading wide. “Tough guy.”

Sam pulled back a fits, but before he could do anything, Layna and Mina grabbed his arms. “Let me at him!” He yelled, trying to break free. “Just one punch, just one!”

“Sam, relax!” Layna pleaded.

“Let him be!” Mina cried.

“I’m gonna kill him!” Sam shouted.

Falyn watched in shock as the scene unfolded in front of her. She knew that Sam could go off like this if someone really pushed him enough, but she’d never seen him like this. Whatever was going on, George seemed to be at the center of it.

Is this how it always is? She wondered. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be a part of it if there was just going to be fights every time they got together.

She wanted to do something, but she didn’t know what to do. What was there to do? Sam was being held back by the girls, pretty impressively too, and George didn’t seem to be making any more trouble. He was just leaning back, right foot propped up against the wall, laughing. If she jumped in, things would only get worse. She wasn’t fond of confrontation. To be blunt, she hated it. Needless to say, she was less than comfortable in the position she was in.

The door to the battle room opened as Zeke stalked out into the hallway. “What the hell is going on out here?” When he saw the scene laid out in front of him, his eyes widened. Then his face relaxed and his lips curled up at the edges in a silent laugh.

Falyn was starting to get annoyed. Everything was falling apart. She’d never seen Sam so upset. George was being less than kind. Zeke didn’t look like he was about to do anything about it.

How long would this go on for?

“That’s enough.”

Everyone froze and turned to see Phillip standing only a few feet behind them. His arms were crossed, a disapproving look etched upon his face.

He nodded at the girls. “Let him go.” They obliged, dropping Sam’s arms. Falyn was terrified for a second, hoping that Sam wouldn’t go off at George again. But Phillip’s presence seemed to be enough to keep him calm.

“I won’t tolerate this,” he said in an even voice, one that didn’t match his tense face. He didn’t need to yell; he had everyone’s attention. “We’re a group. We work together. Fighting is unacceptable. George, why are you even here? You’re supposed to be—"

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” George grumbled, waving a hand dismissively. “I’m leaving. Glad to know you care that I’m here or not.” He turned and started down the hall. Before he took even four steps though, he swung back around. Pointing at Falyn he said, “Tell her of the future, won’t you?”

-------------------------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,636

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
AdmiralKat
Review

Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review! Wolfare1 has been complaining how most of what my reviews are for this novel is just me ranting at the characters. I guess this is sort of true so I'll aim to minimize that(though I'll still do it a little bit so you know what I think should or could happen to these wonderful characters. Also I'll do this so I can reflect on the chapter and so I'll remember the important stuff later). Let's see what we have right here...

Falyn seems awfully jealous of everyone. She seems just overprotective and selfish. I don't know if that is appropriate with her character. I just don't know how to describe her at this point. She just seems to change her personality all the time and it really bothers me because then I don't know how she will react in any situation. It's been already 24(now 25 chapters) and I still have yet to know and understand the main character. That might be a big problem if multiple readers feel this way. I don't know if any other reader feels this way because I hardly ever read other reviewer's reviews. Just something that I would like to point out so that you might be able to add some character development in these next few chapters.

So now that I've talked about Falyn's character, I'm going to see if I can identify all the other character's personalities and you tell me if I'm right or wrong. So Sam seems to be the guy that seems to attract a lot of girls and is overall just impressive. Zeke sounds like the social outcast but mysterious and cool. Mina seems just like the good friend type. George is a jerk. Rhys is a sarcastic villian. Aidan has a hard time containing her anger but is a good fighter. That's what I've gotten out of these series of chapters

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.

So obviously there's sort of a time difference between the ending of last chapter and this one, which I was about to point out, but I was pretty engrossed in the chapter to scroll down and type. Which is good. So towards the beginning I was thinking more about how isnt George supposed to be with Akia? And so is Phillip? In the beginning it said that everyone was there except for Falyn and Zeke, but Phillip wasn't either. It threw me for a loop there.

Another thing I'm a bit iffy about is how Sam reacted. He is always very level headed and he's always been super calm in the past that it feels strange. To be honest, it feels more forced to me. I can understand that they have a history, but I don't even recall Sam making sharp remarks at anyone. I guess it would have been easier to slip that in here if there was more anger or sharpness in his character. Something for revisions.

But I don't blame him. I don't like George much either. I'm almost completely convinced that he's with Rhys as well (and I might have reasons from other chapters to support that as well *sheepish smile*). He just seems like a jerk overall. I am curious how old he actually is. I imagine him the same age, maybe older than, Sam, but if Akia and Sam are the same age, then what about him? Maybe I just missed something.

This was still a great chapter. Maybe not your strongest, but still enjoyable and written well. I continue to seek answers! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

User avatar
Holysocks
Review

Hola!

I don't really have a review for this, Noelle. The further we go into this the less I know what to say! :-P I really did enjoy this one- I hate George though, poor fellow. I really liked how Falyn was like "erm, I don't know if I want to be here... >.>" that really cracked me up: who knows why, it was just funny to me because here's this girl who's kind of gone through everything in the last few days, and she's completely silenced by a squabble. Yeah, I liked that.

I wouldn't have thought Sam would freak like that, so that was kind of a surprise. It's good though, I like seeing the different sides of the characters.

Keep it up Noelle! You rock so hard!!!

That was NOT suppose to be a review. -_-

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TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here

Yayyy, we get to see some of Falyn again. So you're just writing from their two perspectives, with little bits thrown in of the evil dudes - primarily Rhys? I like how you do that, because it gives us enough of these two main characters to have something to hang onto, and we learn their personality and character from themselves - their thoughts and desires and such. Not just from how someone else sees them. I like how you're switching POV with Falyn and Akia because, no offense to the other awesome characters like Sam and Zeke, these two are the most important. I also like how you seem to switch POV every other chapter. It gives us more time to settle into the personality and character of the person, and then enjoy the read. More time for us to learn about them, too.

I am really tired, so I hope all of this makes sense to you... somewhat.

He grunted and walked passed her, the exact reaction that she wanted out of him


The first time I read this, I honestly thought she was talking about Sam... and then I went back and re-read, and then understood. A reader shouldn't really have to do that, but only need a one time through to understand. So perhaps you could tag Zeke in here somewhere?

would do something to him in the future that gives him a reason to hate her.


change gives to gave. It sounds in the present tense. :)

If you don’t shut up I’m gonna punch you out.”


Comma after up, I think.

hoping that Sam wouldn’t go off at George again.


take out that? It's just a word that is there, but doesn't lend anything to the sentence. Read the sentence out loud with and without it. Not a difference, really.

Pointing at Falyn he said


Comma after Falyn

Sometimes it seems to me as though I just go through and point out the smallest of mistakes - just so that I can say "yes, I reviewed this". Because, especially in this chapter, there isn't much I can say to improve this piece or your writing as a whole. It's written very smoothly - something you have always been good at, but in the last few chapters have just gotten so, so good. The characters are all so believable, but at the same time they surprise us - just like people do - and do sudden things to keep us on our toes. Like what Sam did to George, grabbing him and trying to punch his lights out. That was extremely surprising to me, but in such a good way. I loved his fit of rage there, because it still showed how much he cared about Falyn... although I am not sure if it's a brotherly or lovey way. We must dig farther in before I can see that.

And I am still not certain about Zeke. By how he talks and everything, I think he is honestly, quite possibly, in love with Falyn. But with him, how can you tell for sure? Whenever Falyn thinks he feels something for her, the next moment he has that slack face of his again and is laughing/smiling at her, and he goes and does absolutely nothing when George (I dun like that guy much) goes and starts making fun of her and almost goading her to explode in her face... which, since she is Falyn, she just stands there and takes it. She isn't a very violent person, and never likes to confront people. Just another little part of her you always show the reader.

I have run out of things to say, and I can't even talk for longer so I can have a longer review. This piece is just too perfect. I wish I could just leave shiny comments instead of reviews, because whenever I nitpick something, it seems as though I am critiquing perfection.

Onto the next chapters!
~Darth Timmyjake

User avatar
r4p17
Review
r4p17 wrote a review · Wed Oct 22, 2014 8:23 pm

Hey Noelle, Knigh r4 here to review this work! I hope it helps! I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this again! I hope to get to the next chapter by the end of tomorrow for sure! Then I will be all caught up! ;) Now, I better get reviewing!

She watched Zeke burst into the battle room, nearly breaking the door off its hinges, and disappeared.
What?! I am so confused didn't they walk into the battle room together? I thought that they were already in it! This sentence, and paragraph make no sense! Mesa confused!

We’ve been training kids in the magics for years now.
Magics? Is that even a words? I'm pretty sure that magic is a noncount noun.

And man could I tell you some horror stories about your future.”
Why would George say that? I mean is he a really mean character or what? It doesn't seem like someone would say that to a friend unless they are just jesting!

“We’re in Pollume,” she squealed.
Is that the name for Lightport in Agathi?

“Phillip said no.”
Speaking of Philip, where is he?

She knew that Sam could go off like this if someone really pushed him enough, but she’d never seen him like this.
This makes for an interesting plot point!

Tell her of the future, won’t you?”
Really?! That's it! I am done with this! Enough with the cliffhangers! I am going to hang you over a cliff one day and see how you like it! You shall pay for this in spam!!!

Okay, so overall this chapter was going really well! I was about to rate this the best chapter so far, but then you just had to ruin in with one of your nasty endings! :P I was so into it. Then you had to come in and intervene! You might as well have said, "the party is over!". Mesa going to make you pay! You were doing so well!... And then it fell through the crack s along with my grammer! :—)

That's about all I have! I would go off to review the next chapter, but I am busy! So I guess that is all for now! Happy writing!!! :P

This review courtesy of
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User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Wed Oct 22, 2014 5:01 am

Hi Noelle!

Ooh George seems like a right meanie. Can't he stick to his orders instead of causing trouble. Whatever he knows it must be something really big because Sam gets so angry. I am guessing it might be the fact that Falyn might die in this fight or something. Anyway, you definitely have my curiosity completely attracted to knowing what George knows. So nice job there! I was also wondering when you were going to mention Falyn's parents and how she is waiting to met them. I like that you added it in with excitement but also a degree of fear because to her these people will be complete strangers to her. I wonder how that meeting will go, and that is something I am looking forward to seeing.

A character I would like to see a bit more of is the girl Mina was talking to - Layna. I feel like we have seen quite a bit of everyone, including George now, excepting her. I wonder how her character will turn out, but she must be pretty kind to be dealing with Mina already. Mina strikes me as a sweet person who would be likely to hang with like minded people. But I don't think that's all I should have when it comes to knowing Layna's character. So yes, please, some more description would definitely be welcome!

When she and Zeke reached the floor that the battle room was on, everyone else was already waiting there.


When it's the first sentence of a new chapter, never start with he and she's. We always need the names in there. So the first she should really be a Falyn instead. I would also take away the last word in the sentence because it simply sounds better that way. ;)

Nooo I don't want Zeke and Falyn to be together! Zeke is evil! He shares secret smiles with Rhys! Go back to Sam, please. #TeamSam

“And man could I tell you some horror stories about your future.”


I know what you are trying to say with the word 'man' here, but personally I think the word 'boy' would fit in here better. Take it from someone who uses those words all too much ;) Using words like those, you need some commas in there as well. Like so: And boy, could I tell you...

She wasn’t in the mood to cloud her mind with confusing thoughts of the future.


This seemed like the perfect to mention how the present is hard enough to deal with. This isn't really necessary to the story but it would be a nice little addition, because it reason with why she didn't give too much without it being set plainly on her mood alone.

“Well I haven’t been to another world before


Comma needed after the first word.

Sam pulled back a fits,


*fist

Falyn seems to be taking all this drama about her future very lightly. Yes, she did say that she was not in the mood to get tangled up with thoughts about her future. But if she can see George who supposedly doesn't like her being so annoying about it, and if she can see Sam getting angry when he threatens to tell her... then well, I would be frightened! So I feel like you should be instilling some fear in this girl. I don't know how she would act because of it, but right now she seems like a neutral observer. But seeing as all of this is happening about and because of her future, she should be reacting emotionally to this! So yes, make her afraid, or at least a bit worried.

It was interesting to see Sam break out as he did. I look forward to reading the future chapter I see you've already posted, and possibly get some answers...

Deanie x



No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.
— Epictetus