Across Worlds - Chapter 29 Part 1

Akia

Akia had intended to stay to watch the family reunion. She was just as interested in learning more about Falyn’s parents as Falyn was. Even though Akia was the one to find them, they hadn’t exactly given her their life story. Or any of it, really. But Phillip had called her away. Of course he did; who else even held half a conversation with her now a days? It was always Phillip.

It wouldn’t take her long to make it back to Headquarters. There was a shortcut she took where she didn’t have to pass through the city. She didn’t mind going through the main part of the city, but she wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. She wouldn’t be able to relax until Rhys was no longer a threat.

When had all of this happened? It didn’t seem so long ago that she was sneaking Rhys into her house. They had been the best of friends. She hadn’t met someone else who cared about magic as much as she did. They had made plans, talked of ways they could enhance their magic. Together, they were going to become the most powerful of their time.

Then Rhys decided to use his powers for other reasons that she didn’t like. It wasn’t hard to overlook it in the beginning, but after his spell gone wrong that vaporized half of Agathi, she was done. There was no forgiving that.

The path she took ran between rice farms and through small patches of trees, some of which had apples sprouting from the branches. Akia reached up and plucked one off. All too late, she thought about looking around to see if anyone was watching. No one was. She let out a sigh of relief. She wasn’t exactly stealing, but she was sure that whoever these apple trees belonged to wouldn’t be all too happy if they caught her.

She took her sleeve and wiped off the fruit before taking a bite. It was tangy and sweet all at once, just how she liked them. She could see Headquarters from where she had stopped. It wouldn’t be long before she made it back there. So she ate and walked.

The footsteps were a figment of her imagination at first, but then she realized that the sound really was coming from behind her. She slowed, testing to see if she was being followed or if it was just a coincidence. The footsteps kept up with her pace.

Her heart pounded. Who would be following her? She couldn’t think of anyone in Lightport who wanted something from her. There was a feeling in her gut that she wouldn’t like who she saw when she turned around.

Taking a deep breath, she stopped and whirled around. The sight made her take a step back. Standing there behind her was an older looking lady, walking along with a hunch in her back, a cane in her hand and a bag of apples by her side.

She stopped and smiled sweetly. “You know, I saw you take that apple. Someone’s always watching you know.” The smile on her face was genuine and there was a certain glint in her eye that let Akia know that she was joking. But Akia still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

The woman wasn’t someone she had seen before. The curly gray hair on top her head didn’t spark memories and she had most definitely never seen those soft blue eyes before. She would’ve remembered if she had. They were so warm and welcoming. This lady was no one to be afraid of.

Akia’s lips turned up in a small smile. “I was hungry. Didn’t think the farmer would mind.”

“Ah, but he would,” the lady responded. “You see, these trees are sacred; they’re how the farmer makes his living. It’s his lifeline. It only takes a few of you teens to take the apples and his harvest is ruined. Two little apples and the tree is destroyed. Two little people and the world is destroyed.”

Akia rolled her eyes; she couldn’t help it. The lady was speaking in fables. All she had to say was that Akia shouldn’t steal apples from farmers. It had nothing to do with the world.

Before Akia could react, the lady picked up her cane and whacked her shins. Akia jumped back in surprise, the pain being more than she had imagined.

“What was that for?”

“You should be more respectful,” the lady said, calmly replacing her cane on the ground. “You never know who you might meet on this road. I am not accustomed to being disrespected.” Akia stared. She knew that people got cranky in their old age, but this was taking it to a whole different level.

The lady took a step forward so she was just a foot away from Akia. “I hear that you’re pretty important around here. I don’t understand why they would put such a disrespectful young lady in charge.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Akia snapped, her hands shaking by her side. “You don’t have the right to berate me. I don’t even know you! What do you know about me?”

The lady chuckle – actually chuckled. “We know more about each other than you’ll admit young girl. It’s about time you accepted the idea.”

Akia let out an aggravated sigh. “You can stop talking in secrets now. Who are you? How do we know each other?”

The lady didn’t respond this time; she only stood and stared. Akia didn’t break eye contact. She wasn’t about to let this lady win. The lady was the one who jumped her after all. She was just walking along minding her own business and then the lady decided to start something.

There was a flicker in her eyes, something that made Akia start. She narrowed her eyes, trying to figure it out. It was the first time that she had recognized something in that woman. Now she knew; she had seen her before. But where?

“I know you,” Akia said slowly. “Who are you?”

The woman didn’t answer for a while. Then she smiled. “You’re a smart girl. I’m sure you know that there are secrets being held from you. Starting with that brother of yours.”

Akia couldn’t take it anymore. She launched at the lady, forcing her back against the nearest tree. At the moment, she hadn’t cared that she was harming an old woman. There was a familiarity about her that just set her off. And she wasn’t going to be bested by this stranger.

The lady didn’t scream or cry out. In fact, she seemed completely unfazed by the action. “You’re tough, daughter of Kit. No wonder they put you in charge here.”

Akia froze. “What did you call me?” The question came out in much of a squeak. She knew exactly what she heard, but she was in such shock that it hadn’t completely registered yet.

The lady’s lips snaked into a smile. “You heard me. It’s not going to be that easy to get away.”

Akia stared for a moment longer before breaking out of the trance. Her hands shot up to the lady’s throat and held tight. She didn’t feel bad about it this time. It wasn’t an old lady she was choking, it was Rhys. If she could get rid of him, putting the worlds back together would seem like child’s play.

Rhys reached up, desperately grasping at her hands. It only made her squeeze harder. Never before had she had Rhys on the defensive like he was now. He was losing strength, she could see it in his eyes. Her heart pounded in anticipation. Had she finally got him? All these years of running from him and plotting to stop his attacks and he gave himself in. How ironic.

Suddenly, his gaze hardened. He raised his hand, snapped his fingers and disappeared in a cloud of yellow smoke. When it cleared, Akia found herself gripping the tree with the same intensity she had been holding Rhys. Roaring in frustration, she whirled around to see him standing not far away from her, a cocky grin on his face. And he was standing there as himself, his green eyes crazed and that perfect black hair in a mess atop his head. He was still holding the cane and bag of apples, which now looked extremely odd in his hands, but he threw them to the ground quickly.

Neither of them moved. Akia didn’t know what to do and she was sure that Rhys was going to make the first move. But he didn’t. He only stood there, glaring.

“There was once a time when we were friends,” he started. “A time when you’d do anything for me. I told you things I’d never trust with my friends back home. And now they still don’t know even though they work for me. You’re the only one who knows me.”

Akia narrowed her eyes, not sure where he was going with this. But she kept listening. It was better to keep him talking than to fight.

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked. “Are you surrendering?” Rhys let out a laugh that lasted way too long; it made her uncomfortable. So much so that she forgot that she was supposed to be acting tough. She lost her composure and took a step back.

“Never,” Rhys growled when he stopped laughing. “You know nothing about me if you think that I’d give in that easily. Or that you’d be the one I told.”

Akia crossed her arms. “Well you said it yourself, I know more about you than anyone. We used to be close. Why wouldn’t I be the first one you told when you surrendered?”

“I’m only here to warn you.”

That got Akia’s attention. She noticed how serious Rhys had become, how much sincerity was in his voice. He wasn’t making jokes, he wasn’t trying to mess with her mind; he was telling the truth.

“Warn me? I don’t understand—"

“Listen,” Rhys said, gripping her shoulders. She jumped when he grabbed her, but he held her tight. “Things are only going to get worse. You know why I’m doing this and why I must succeed. Just… stay out of my way and I won’t be forced to hurt you. Okay?”

He gave her a sad smile before a cloud of yellow swallowed him up again. Akia coughed and sputtered, waving a hand to clear away the smoke. When it had all disappeared, she looked out and realized that Rhys was gone.

Of course. Pop in, act like you care, then leave. Perfect. Akia thought as she bent to pick up the stick and apples Rhys left behind. Without a look behind her, she started back on her way to Headquarters. She had to tell Phillip. Rhys was in Lightport and obviously had the powers of a shapeshifter. They were in more trouble than they thought.

-------------------------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,823

Comments & reviews · 7
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AdmiralKat
Review

Hello! KatyaElefant here with another review! Let's see what we have right here...

I just wanted to talk about the irony of that elderly lady. XD She is like you need to respect people more as she whacks her shins. That's definitely a sign of respect. Especially since she is an elderly lady and she should be more kind to people that are younger than her because they are less experienced. I mean you don't just whack some child for not being able to stand up when they are born! That is just plain rude!

I just realized something! YESH! Someone used this correctly! That apple represents temptation. Temptation to take something from the farmer that grew it. Temptation that was in her past! Genius use of the apple. Also it expresses her character really well because when I think of someone that is eating an apple, I think of someone who is snide.

I think you could have had some nice descriptions of the trees and area that she was in. Like your imagery could have been more metaphorical and more detailed. You could have had a bunch of adjectives that would have described the area. I know it would have made your precious word count go over 2000 words but why does that matter? I would rather read something that is more detailed than something that is just short and straight to the point. It really does enhance the story when you put the imagery in there.

I love this love triangle web thing that you have created. It is just pulling the strings of my heart. Rhys is the perfect villain and he cares for the perfect heroish character, Akia. I just love romance like that. It's so cute and just fun to read. It must be fun for you to torture them. >,<

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

User avatar
r4p17
Review
r4p17 wrote a review · Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:20 pm

Hey Noelle, Knight r4 here for another review! I am going to kill you for leaving me on this cliff during this entire chapter, you just watch! -_- I guess since you are set on being so cruel I will just have to get through this chapter faster!

Even though Akia was the one to find them, they hadn’t exactly given her their life story. Or any of it, really.
I thought this sounded a little awkward. You essentially stated the same thing in a slightly different way perhaps you should hav added the word "much" in the first sentence.

She hadn’t met someone else who cared about magic as much as she did.
Did you mean to say, "as much as he did?" It makes more sense that way.

It wouldn’t be long before she made it back there. So she ate and walked.
The second sentence is a fragment. You need to change the comma to a period.

“You know, I saw you take that apple. Someone’s always watching you know.”
Don't you think it is a little repetivive to use "you know twice in this dialogue paragraph? I was also a little bit surprised that Akia doesn't feel embarrased.

It wasn’t an old lady she was choking, it was Rhys.
I guessed that already! For once I actually figured out your plans! Muahahaha! :P

This chapter was really good! I just can't wait to get back to Fayln and Aidan! But seriously, I did enjoy reading it! It really sparked my interest! I can't wait to read more! You always seems to have me hooked when I read your chapters! There is a lot to look forward to! I knew that Akia wouldn't kill Rhys, though. It didn't really make the chapter any more intense if that is what you were looking for. Still, I enjoyed it! Happy writing!!! :D

P.S. I'm working on catching up! :P

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Mon Dec 29, 2014 11:05 am

Hi Noelle!

For some reason when I first heard about the little old lady in the woods, I immediately thought of Red Riding Hood. Which isn't a bad thing, but it was just interesting ^^ I don't know why I am telling you this. I don't think I have too much to say here because most of the reviewers before me covered everything!

Anyway, I absolutely loved this chapter! It was cool to see her confrontation with Rhys, and for all Akia's training she still didn't quite know what to do to him or with herself when Rhys showed up. And I liked knowing that because it means she is still vulnerable. We also know Rhys is now more powerful than anyone thought, making him a bigger threat. I am sure things are only going to get more exciting ^^ And we can also see how much she relies on Phillip. I would be interested in knowing what she would do if he wasn't around to give her guidance all the time.

What made me curious is why, exactly, she even bothered to find Falyn's family for her? Is it because she cares about Falyn more than she is letting on, or did she need Falyn out of the way? Has it got to do with giving her a motivator or to be used to Akia's advantage? I know it is a nice thing for Akia to do for the sisters, but I think we need a motive from Akia. Especially because that girl always has a motive for everything and it would be strange to see her without one.

but after his spell gone wrong that vaporized half of Agathi


I tried to stay away from nitpicks because other people had basically covered the lot when it came to this chapter, but this was written pretty informally. I would suggest you make it formal because the whole rest of this story is in formal style. So it would be 'but after his spell that went wrong and vaporized half of Agathi' instead.

It seemed funny that Akia was thinking of Rhys and then he arrived. Maybe you should have Rhys show up first with the whole apples thing, and then when a glimmer of recognition appears in her mind she starts thinking of Rhys and the past that you explained before it clicks in her mind who the woman is. And so on. It might be nicer to structure it in this order, but it's just a small suggestion.

That's really all the feedback I can give. This was an awesome chapter, and I really need to hurry up and keep reading because I can just feel the climax nearing all the time!

Deanie x

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Holysocks
Comment

Hi Noelle!

I don't actually have a review for this. :/ I kinda liked it! :-D

Standing there behind her was an older looking lady, walking along with a hunch in her back, a cane in her hand and a bag of apples by her side.


When I read this, I was like 'OH MY GOSH it's the evil step mother queen witch-lady from Snow White!'

I'm going to head over to the next part now. :-P

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SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.

WHAT. No. No, no, no. Oh my god, Noelle why. Rhys still has feelings for Akia. He still cares HE'S NOT A MONSTER. *pants* Sorry, but this chapter is my absolute favorite so far. I love it so much.

In the beginning while she's just nonchalantly walking back and she grabs the apple, something just sets off in my mind. Like the apple was a trigger. Turns out I was correct. But you wrote this out so well I couldn't expect anything else. You hooked me in a tugged me around every which direction. I couldn't tell where I would be thrown next.

The old lady was phenomenal. I absolutely adore how realistic it sounded and I was shocked when it became Rhys. How she figured it out beats me, but I still loved it. Then their talk. I swear I thought that Rhys would beat her around a bunch and take her away. But then I remember that he had Aiden here to do that. So I was confused.

Finally Rhys warned Akia of the danger. It might be a little arrogant, but it was still so adorable. It pulled at my heart and made me want to curl up in a ball and die. Why Does Rhys have to be intent on destroying the world? He doesn't even seem evil anymore from Akia's perspective. And maybe he's not. Just misguided.

I can only gush for so long, but this was the best chapter yet. It had to be. From the first sentence I was hooked and it only got better as better. Fantastic job, Noelle! I cannot wait for more. Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

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Aravis10
Review

Hi, Aravis here to review! Happy Review Day! I have not read your other chapters, but I will still try to give you a helpful review. :)
As I have said, I have not read your other chapters, but this does look like a very interesting plot with good emotions. Oooh, and good stakes too (aka decimate the world ;) ) Speaking of decimating the world, I really like your word choice. It is not too fancy but it's also not childish.
Nitpicks:

The lady chuckle – actually
You meant "chuckled".
The question came out in much of a squeak.
Wha? That's makes no sense. OK, I get what you mean but it needs serious rewording.
Rhys let out a laugh that lasted way too long; it made her uncomfortable. So much so that she forgot that she was supposed to be acting tough. She lost her composure and took a step back.
Sorry that was such a big chunk that I copied in. This whole section feels choppy to me. I would suggest combining these somehow to make it feel more like it's going on about the same time.
Other critiques: This chapter needs more description, more showing. I can barely see this path that the whole encounter happens on. Also, I would love to see more of your characters' facial expressions.
“Okay, that’s it,” Akia snapped, her hands shaking by her side
Woah. Calm down! I know it's a creepy old lady but was that necessary? That chapter escalated a little too quickly to be believable. Just my thoughts.
Keep up the good work! Remember, "The skill to write comes from writing." Go Earthbenders!!!!!!!!!!!!

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TimmyJake
Review

Timmy here!

So I think I shall go through this as I always do, just as I read. I tell you this a lot, don't I? Perhaps I should just begin with the review, instead of these measly introductions. >.< FINE. You win.

Onto the review. Let's see what we can unearth.

Of course he did; who else even held half a conversation with her now a days?


So I may be the only person to mention this, but it just seems so weird how you do semi-colons. Now I know you may be doing them correctly (to be completely honest, I have never used one and have no idea how to), but when looking at this stuff, I just go with the flow. If something blocks it - even momentarily - I like to speak up and just say something. Your usage of the semi-colon doesn't jerk the writing around too badly at all, but they seem out of place to me (especially in cases like that above), and so I feel compelled to just say something. Like I said, this is just me throwing a slight fuss about the flow for me. This isn't me saying you've done it incorrectly.

The path she took ran between rice farms and through small patches of trees, some of which had apples sprouting from the branches.


You have done well in your descriptions in this chapter so far, but I feel as though you need more in this part. This could be such a beautiful place, and truly seems as though it is... but you haven't built it that way for us. I think you should work on it, and pull apart the description a bit better. The color of the apples - and the texture as she pulls one of them off. The snap of the branch holding it onto the tree. Just things like that would really pull the picture into focus for me. Everything else? Beautiful.

The footsteps were a figment of her imagination at first


This part confused her. Were they actually a figment of her imagination? Or were they just something she thought was a figment of it? Seems like the second option, although I am not sure because you didn't fully explain.

Someone’s always watching you know.


Comma after watching

she stopped and whirled around. The sight made her take a step back.


This seemed somewhat cliché to me, since I have seen this so much. Almost like being "blown away". The second chapter veered towards the cliché more than the second, though.

The lady chuckle – actually chuckled. “We know more about each other than you’ll admit young girl.


Wrong tense with the first chuckle - and you need a comma after admit. Even though I think this is the best chapter you've written of this novel so far (you did say it came easily. Inspiration timeee), there are quite a few little typos and missing commas you need to go through and edit in. I won't go through them all, because I will try to focus on other things, but they're here. You just need to find them. And they're not a big deal at all, but many times they mess up the flow of the sentence (especially missing commas).

The entire part with Rys and the initial fight was veryyyy confusing. So I am reading through, and all these names are flying around - Rhys, old lady - and I am just left wondering if he looked like Rhys or looked like the old lady still, and yeah. I think you should go through and spend some time on that part, building it up and working with the words and making sure everything is how it is meant to be. Because I was confused while reading it. Very. My confusion was just limited to appearances, though. So go through and edit that, working with some descriptions and make sure the reader understand who she is choking before he goes up in smoke (hello, Malificent). After he goes poof, I had no trouble seeing him as he was, but beforehand, I had trouble seeing if he was either the old woman or Rhys in da flesh (In da flesh, bro!) <--Um, ignore that. >.<

Roaring in frustration, she whirled around


rawr

So much so that she forgot that she was supposed


The two instances of "that" stick out like sore thumbs.


To be completely honest, I am unsure of what to think about Rhys. He acts as though he still cares for Akia by telling her to keep out of his way (like he really thinks she is going to do that), but is still going to go through with his plan to decimate her world. This is going to be exciting as we head into the next chapters. Everything seems to be coming together, all the pieces of the puzzle coming as one in a great finale, and I am just really eager to see where you take this. Really. I love your evil character, because he doesn't seem completely evil... but still does seem evil, at the same time. Somewhat confusing, but there it is. He seems confused, not knowing where to turn. Almost like he is caught in-between worlds.

He is a shapeshifter. O.O He could be watching them, and they'd never know it.
~Darth Timmyjake



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